S&M is an abbreviation for two aspects of sexual activity where the pleasure is derived from pain.
The S is for “sadism”, a term that describes the tendency to find this pleasure through the means of inflicting the pain, whereas the M is for “masochism”, where one succumbs to the pleasures of feeling the pain itself.
Both S&M have defined themselves as an integrated part of sexual activity in the modern world, not only gaining popularity, but the taboo that once maintained a tight grip around the two slowly fading away.
The world is becoming more and more open to the interesting facets contained in performing acts of sadism and masochism, as erotic literature, films, and other forms of publicity are making it clear that the two can lend for some of the most pleasurable of bedroom experiences while creating an aura of enticing allurement surrounding these meanings.
If you have ever wanted to discover for yourself if sadism or masochism is something that you would like to uncover or further pursue, then this should be both encouraged and approached with a completely open mind. Although S&M is quite rough in reality, there is a deeper meaning to it that should be approached with care and delicacy so that only the best aspects of both are brought about, and we’re going to get into how to begin approaching this sexual activity in all the best ways.
The History of S&M
The ideas behind sadism and masochism have been around a really, really long time. So never think that desiring sexual pain or the desire to inflict pain is something uncommon in human nature, as it is in fact extremely common.
Sex has taken on many forms and has changed throughout our history, but one thing that has been documented and maintained through this evolution is S&M. This idea dates back as far as the 1700s where some novels have been translated to showcase old literature that reads into acts of pleasurable sexual violence.
With time, as science progressed, psychologists began realizing and discovering the fact that the willingness and allure of feeling and inflicting pain in a sexual setting is, in fact, a common characteristic of a lot of humans, dubbing both as a form of sexual disorder and thus coining the terms ‘sadism’ and ‘masochism’ in the late 1800s.
Soon enough, with more research being performed on what was once thought to be an unusual occurrence, the realization came about that S&D is actually quite common in both the male and female population, as 36% of adults in the U.S. perform some form of this in the bedroom.
Nowadays, with films playing in family movie theaters, books lining the shelves, and a plethora of information and erotic stories riddled throughout the internet all focused on sadism and masochism, S&M is continuing to gain popularity with easy access to further understanding the act itself and realizing the community standing behind with full support.
What Sexual Acts Fall Under S&D?
Oftentimes, sexual activities centered around the infliction of pain fall under the broader category of what is known as “BDSM.” BDSM refers to “bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism”. Because S&M is a part of this greater category, usually anything that has to do with BDSM at all will maintain idiosyncrasies of delivering pain.
Bondage is one of the most common acts of S&M, as the submissive individual allows oneself to be completely controlled by their partner through the means of restraint and other forms of complete control. The ability to maintain this control allows the partner who enjoys the sadism aspect of BDSM to succumb to any of the pains that the partner wishes inflict, while he/she/they who enjoys masochism will love the helpless ability to carefully hurt the partner.
This can include uncomfortable positions of restraint, gagging with erotic tools like gag balls, spanking and whipping with leather, the inclusion of electricity, nipple pinchers. Essentially, anything at all that furthers the control and the pain that comes with these sexual acts.
Even something as simple as slight choking or spanking, things that aren’t that dirty or intricate to perform (requiring no toys or tools) can be considered S&M, as the simple fact is that they at least kind of hurt or provide some form of suffering!
As that’s just it, you don’t have to approach S&M with the idea that you need an entire room dedicated to the pursuit of inflicting sexual pain, as it can also be approached very simply through any little act that hurts even just a little bit!
How to introduce yourself to S&M
The best way to introduce yourself to S&M is always, always start slow. There is a huge world and community all involved in sadism and masochism, so you will have plenty of resources available to you, but you never want to jump into things too passionately or fiery.
Not only could this result in yourself getting hurt, as you won’t fully know your limits, but it also helps to prevent you from hurting another too much. This fact holds extremely true for a single individual, as you will have to approach and learn about and discover S&M very differently than a couple wishing to discover it together, as you won’t have a partner that you necessarily know very well to help walk you through everything.
The best thing to do, single or couple, is to start with research. To learn about S&M is to approach it with respect, and this respect is required of anybody who is about to inflict or receive pain from another, so always start by learning all you can.
It is essential to understand yourself and why you have these desires so that you can feel good about performing the acts in the bedroom, as remember, S&M is rooted in a lot of our psychologies. Start by learning more about this to build strong confidence around the act before actually doing anything, as this understanding will help dispel any negative energy surrounding it.
Always maintain the highest levels of communication when starting out, and if you are new to this, it is especially true if you are single and looking for an experienced partner to show you the ropes. Sure, part of the gig is losing the ability to speak, but this is only okay and safe when you are experienced.
As you begin inflicting pain, ask how hard to whip or how intensely to grab. With time, you will learn exactly where the lines are drawn so that you can cross them ever so slightly, but you must understand each other as a couple first.
One of the next best approaches is to incorporate a sex toy. But not just any toy, as vibrators and dildos aren’t fully associated with BDSM, and we are talking more about toys that allow for some form of pain. An elegant leather whip or a sex toy kit with everything you need to get going, including remote vibration for partner control, are excellent places to start as you build your collection of erotic tools.
Honesty and an open mind is key, and as you begin delving into this world always ensure to maintain this dialogue so that you can try new things and add new devices to the bedroom.
Feel free to join communities where you can ask questions and talk to people who are experts on the subject, and make sure your research is coming from the right, healthy sources, as sometimes proper BDSM can be misportrayed in modern adult films.
If you need, you can find coaches who can help you along this journey, so it really all depends on how far you (and your partner) are wanting to follow the allure of pain.
No matter what, BDSM and S&M in particular are wonderful means of discovering more about yourself, your sexuality, and your human nature, and if you feel that they would enhacne your sex life, then think to begin incorporating these into your own life!