What is role play? Although it may seem really intense when we see this happen in the movies, role play is really just a form of play. Though it can turn sexual, this play can do the same things it did for us as children. These kinds of games don’t stop helping us learn and grow and have some silly fun along the way. That means that role playing in sexy situations can teach you more about your interests, your partner’s interests, and how you like having fun together inside and outside the bedroom. If you’re interested in sexy role play ideas for adults and building a playful practice together, check out these tips: 

• Give yourself permission to play. 

Sex deserves to be fun! And role playing is a great way to integrate your playful spirit into the bedroom. For those googling what is role play, the first step is simply to allow yourself to enjoy this form of play. It may elicit laughs or uncomfortable moments, but if you and your partner are ready, it’ll also create a really connecting and exciting experience. Role play is all about staying present and open to whatever happens next. And if you’re like me and frequently spend time worrying about what your partner will think of your moves, giving yourself permission to play freely (yes, really) is essential to having the fun you deserve. 

Start by asking your partner for some reassurance that they won’t judge where you take your play. Create some norms that laughter and goof-ups are A-OK. Work with them to create some reassurances if something feels like it’s getting too far. And if you still have any other pesky fears in your way, take a moment to reassure yourself that it’s not only ok to play, but also loads of fun. Role play keeps us present in the moment and works best when we follow our impulses without judgment. And when you do, you might be surprised where it takes you. 

• Make sure everyone is playing. 

Nothing kills role play like realizing that one of you wasn’t in the game. Playing cop to someone who isn’t playing robber sets you up for hurt feelings and no playtime. Checking in before the game starts ensures that we’re all playing, at the same time, and with whatever ground rules you all want. What is role play, if not a game we play together? Consent with all things sex is paramount, but with role play, this is even more true. If your partner doesn’t like being spanked, then spanking sex could just hurt them without any of the fun. 

And no need for a formal meeting with notes; this can be sexy and playful too! A whispered “if you’re robbing this bank, I’ll have to arrest you” gets you both on the same page and excited to play as long as we hear a playful yes. If you want to continue developing your dynamic, you’ll want to look for things like a safe word to know when you are and aren’t playing. Other common boundaries involve getting one another’s attention and knowing when your partner is ready to orgasm. Negotiating these both prior to and during sex makes sure everyone feels comfortable. 

• Start with a familiar dynamic.

When you’re looking for role play ideas for adults, start somewhere familiar. The best games, to begin with, are ones we know the rules of already, and they can help us feel more comfortable wearing different hats. We learn about all kinds of roles in the world through our lives, and that gives us a great jumping-off point to enjoy role play. What is role play? The game of small-town dreamer meets big city slicker, or bored housewife meets young mechanic, or people-pleasing new employee meets cocky boss are tropes we’ve seen that have enough familiarity to get us started.

By using a story you’ve heard before, you’ll be able to play with your partner in exciting ways that feel both new and familiar. And having that basic understanding can help us get into the flow of sexy role play. From there, the sexy international spy and the uptight government agent can start to make up their own rules and stories as you grow. No story is off limits as long as it’s something that excites both you and your partner. 

If you’re stuck on more role play ideas for adults, check out movies you’ve seen together or TV shows you enjoy. Sometimes mimicking the performance of others is a great place to start. Is there a romantic couple on TV that really gets you hot? Share with your partner and see if you can evolve this into your own sexy adult role play game. 

• Build your fantasies with your partner.

Once you’re feeling more comfortable with what is role play, it’s time to build your play in ways that are unique to you and your partner. We all have fantasies, and we’re all capable of creating more of them too, and that’s where we find role play ideas for adults. Imagining scenarios that excite you will help you build sexy role play ideas and keep your playtime going for as long as you can imagine. By communicating your desires to your partner with your words, they’ll be able to build the fantasy world with you. Roleplay can be a lot like a very sexy game of improv. The game goes on for as long as you can roll with the punches, and by the end of it, you’ve made something far beyond one person’s imagination.

In practice, this means you’re probably going to use a lot more words. If you’re someone squeamish with dirty talk in the bedroom, this could be challenging at first. Negotiate with your partner some targeted phrases that really work to get both of you going. A simple “Yes, Daddy” during the throws of passion is a great starting place for more dynamic performances. 

• Try bringing some play outside the bedroom. 

The fun of role play is that it can take the mundane and make it playful and sexy. Once you’re cultivating your role play relationship, bringing it outside the bedroom lets you and your partner have sneaky sexy fun wherever you are. For example, after playing “dirty plumber meets helpless homeowner,” you could offer to wash the dishes so you can check in on how the sink is draining. 

By playing outside the bedroom, you can further integrate your real life into this fun sexy role play. The mundane can become erotic. In this example, maybe your plumber is really tired after working so hard and needs a bit of a sexual reprieve after the dishes? You can keep evolving your play the more you integrate it in your time outside the bedroom. 

If you want to take your public fun a bit further, you can easily integrate sex toys into your outside the bedroom role play. Things like using a butt plug in public or other fun ways to use a remote control vibrator in public will offer you endless outside explorations. These cater to role play, kinky public discovery, and a touch of exhibitionism and voyeurism all at once! What are you waiting for?!

So before you lose yourself in the crazy world of “What is role play?”- remember that you and your partner get to ultimately decide the rules and play as you wish. Keep these tips in mind, and remember to have fun. The only rule of sexy role play is that everyone is enjoying themselves.