Whatever your understanding of kink, it is very much a living and breathing phenomenon. Whether it’s your exposure to 50 Shades of Gray or a fascination with Tim curry in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, kink is a sexual term that represents a sexual activity that falls outside the conventional notion of what is deemed normal, or vanilla “sex”. 

So often, we assume we know what’s on the standard (or mainstream) menu when it comes to sex, yet rarely do we take the time to discover whether we actually like it. Perhaps the fear of not being seen as “normal” (whatever that is!) stops many of us from exploring our wildest sexual fantasies. This isn’t the case for the kink community, where sexual exploration is just another day at the dungeon (joking! – there isn’t always a sex dungeon involved!). This is the magical thing about kink- you are free to define sex in your own subjective way. The kink community is a welcoming and safe space for you to explore your wildest illusions. 

What is a Kink?

A kink is defined as a sexual act that falls outside of conventional “sex” that society traditionally considers “acceptable.” That can include everything from roleplay to bondage to whips and chains. Sometimes viewed as unconventional taste or behavior, one must approach kink with an open mind. Just because it doesn’t work for you doesn’t mean it won’t work for someone else! What qualifies as good sex for you may not be to everyone’s taste, but whatever your desire, make sure you explore it as much as you want. 

The human body is designed for pleasure, sex, and experimentation. Without these things, we wouldn’t be who we are today. Sometimes, we can be weighed down by some of the sexual thoughts we have, which creates fear around the topic of kink. Whatever your kink, you are totally normal! A little bit of research goes a long way, and before you know it, you will find people online (or in-person) who will share the same turn-ons as you. Judging by the amount of merchandise on offer for those in the kink community, it’s crazy to think how many taboos and judgments there still are around fetishes as most people have them! 

Kink Vs. Fetish

A kink is a broad term that refers to a wide variety of consensual, non-traditional, sensual, and intimate behaviors such as BDSM, erotic roleplay, discipline, and temperature play. A fetish is typically a sexual fixation with a non-sexual object or body part such as feet or underwear. 

Why and How to Pursue a Kink.

By spicing up your intimacy, a kink can be enjoyed by those alone, with a consensual partner, or in a group setting. Above all else, make sure to honor the two most important rules of kink: communication and consent. 

If you’re thinking of trying something kinky in bed (or elsewhere, since beds are pretty traditional places to have sex, after all), have an open and honest conversation with anyone who will be involved and outline your desires—but not without asking them about theirs, too. 

A kinky desire alone doesn’t give you a free pass to enact it; as with all sex and romantic activity, there must be explicit consent to move forward, and that consent is not written in stone. You or your partner can change your mind at any time about what’s comfortable and what’s not OK.

It is essential to listen to your sexual kink as it is part of you as a person. Sexual repression has been around for too long, and we are lucky to live in a society where most of what we want to explore, we can! 

In order to be fully aware of who you are as a person, you must delve into your sexual needs, wants, and desires. Kink is often misunderstood by those who lack experience but can be a beneficial exploration of power, sensation, and sexuality. Built on trust, communication and respect, kink and other forms of it such as BDSM and dominance are a great way to explore sexually, mentally, and physically. 

Unfortunately, in mainstream culture, BDSM and other kinks can sometimes have a stigma attached to them. We can sometimes shame “out there” kink as a culture due to lack of understanding and exposure. BDSM is, by definition, an exploration of the self that is accepting of all genders, sexualities, bodies, relationships, lifestyles, and ages. Those who are in touch with their inner kinky self are some of the most self-evolved, self-analytical, and respectful people. 

How to Discover your Kink(s)

Ok, we now know what kink is…but how do we know what our own personal kinks are? 

With yourself or your partner, make it your goal to really explore your sexuality together or on your own. The world of kink isn’t quite as simple (or uncomfortable) as 50 Shades of Grey might have you believe. In fact, it encompasses a wide variety of human sexuality that’s slightly outside the ‘mainstream’ – aka missionary with the lights off! While there are more hardcore and regimented parts of the kink community, you might find that you enjoy something as simple as being tickled in the bedroom or watching someone put on a lacy pair of stockings. 

Absolutely none of this is anything to be ashamed of, and if you do have a fondness for the non-vanilla type sex (vanilla is the term used in the BDSM world to describe those who practice regular, standardized, and ‘normal’ sex), you can find a rich community online and at sex clubs who should help you understand everything from safe words to gag balls! 

Kink can look very different to different couples, and that’s totally okay. Exploring kink doesn’t have to begin with buying a leather bodysuit and a whip. It can be as simple as seeing what happens when you break from your regular bedroom routine and enter a new world of sex. The core doctrines of positive, kinky sex are similar to those of any strong, long-term relationship: communication, trust, understanding, and patience. 

Kinky sex can help you feel more alive, but it can also help your mental health. By expressing your sexual deviances, you are scientifically proven to be less neurotic, more open to new experiences, and less rejection-sensitive. Since this is science-approved, do not let socially constructed taboos or restrictions get in your way of exploring your sexuality! 

Remember to always listen to what your mind and body are telling you. If you like it, then why shouldn’t you be able to enjoy it. Having a kink is something you should be proud of because it’s what makes you YOU. 

You’re only human at the end of the day, with one short life. Enjoy it as much as you can, even if that’s being blindfolded or clamped at the same time! An amazing variety of sex toys and accessories can be found on VforVibes.com to get you started on this sexual journey, and with such an array of tools and gadgets to get you going, your introduction to the kink world is just getting started. 

Now that you have discovered a passion inside yourself, it’s time to get going! Welcome home; you’re part of the kink community now!