If you look up the word ‘sexuality’ in a dictionary, you’ll typically find definitions about sexual orientation. But sexuality is so much more than that. Apart from who you’re sexually attracted to, it’s also about how you feel about yourself sexually too.
And this is perhaps more important than who you’re attracted to, because to have sex, you need to know who you are sexually; what you like, what you don’t like, whether you’re wild in bed, or whether you’re a sensual siren luring your partners to bed with your feminine grace.
After reading this article, we want you to be in your feels and get to owning your sexuality.
But, you ask, how do you own your sexuality as a woman in a society that still judges us for it? I would say that you are entirely in your right to ask that question. Even in 2022, judgment still happens. If you do not have enough sex, you’re a prude, yet if you’re having a lot of casual sex, you’re a slut. We literally cannot win.
So I ask you this: what if it’s not about winning? What if it’s just about ignoring all of the background noise and just being you unapologetically? Sorry, but after a pandemic and now potentially facing world war three, do we really need to give a f*ck about what patriarchal society says? Um, hell no!
So without further ado, let’s get into how you can own your sexuality.
1. Get Comfortable with Who You Are
I don’t mean naked. I mean: just get used to who you are as a person. Spend time alone and really take in what makes you you.
If you’ve always had hang-ups about your body, now is the time to let them go. Like it or not, your body is the only one you were given, so instead of hating it, start looking after it! Embrace the things you don’t like about yourself as unique features. Celebrate what you do love about yourself. Just spend time with yourself.
Not many of us do this as much as we should; there’s always someone around to distract us from looking at ourselves. It can be really refreshing to stop, look and listen to yourself.
2. Look at your Naked Body
Now that you’re comfortable with yourself, it’s time to get comfortable with your body completely uncovered. I mentioned above about getting comfortable with your body hang-ups. Once you’ve got to a place where you can accept what you call ‘flaws,’ but nature just calls ‘uniqueness,’ I want you to take all of your clothes off—and I mean everything—stand in front of a mirror and just look at yourself.
Start from the top of your head to your tippy toes. Look at your front, turn your back to the mirror and peek over your shoulder to see yourself from behind and from each of your sides. If your hair is up, take it down. Practice sexual confidence affirmations as you do so.
Relax and embrace being naked. It can be weird at first, noticing yourself when you’re naked, and for many, it might even be uncomfortable. This is okay. It’s all a self-development process. Every time you’re getting dressed, do it in front of your mirror. The more you do it, the more you’ll notice what you love about your body, not what you hate.
3. Touch Yourself and Learn to be Touched
If you’ve never touched yourself intimately, it’s never too late to start. Female masturbation varies from woman to woman. Some of us masturbate every day, and others only once in a while. There’s no real routine to it; you just do it when you feel like it.
Although it can seem like a means to an end, masturbating is actually really important for you to find out what you like and what you don’t like when it comes to sexual pleasure. And don’t forget that it’s not about the race to the end—orgasm. Touching yourself is all about pleasuring yourself no matter what that means or if you bring yourself to orgasm.
Most of us will probably agree that we much prefer the journey up the mountain than falling off the edge of it (an orgasm, not an actual mountain, obvi).
At the same time as touching yourself, try letting yourself be touched if you’re in the circumstances to do so. Touching yourself in the way you like is one thing, but trusting another person to touch and pleasure you is another.
You could teach someone to rub your clit just as you like it, and it will still feel different just because a stranger is doing it. If you’re the type of person that immediately backs away when your partner initiates touching you, I have a challenge for you. Stop yourself from moving away and trust your partner. Embrace their touch and instruct them on what to do if need be. Your partner definitely won’t mind learning what makes you tick.
4. Explore Who You are Attracted To
Who we are attracted to can be a complicated thing for some people and very simple for others. If you have been struggling with putting a label on who you’re attracted to, my first advice would be to stay away from labels.
Sexuality, in this case, who we’re attracted to, is so fluid that we don’t need labels dictating who we are and who we bang. It often happens among women that a woman might consider herself straight but fantasize about women when she’s horny. And then she freaks out and thinks: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?! WHO AM I? Sound familiar?
Believe it or not, a lot of the things that turn us on don’t translate into our everyday lives. You can be “straight” and get off on lesbian porn; did you know that the most popular category of porn among women on PornHub is lesbian porn? Yeah, so it’s not just you.
This scenario goes for anyone and any sexual fantasy they have, by the way. Sexual turn-ons don’t necessarily dictate your sexuality. And even if it does for you, don’t fret about labeling yourself. Just let your sexuality flow. By the same token, if you like having a label, by all means, go ahead and give yourself one. When it gives you anxiety and makes you question who you are, that’s when I’d recommend giving yourself a break and not labeling it.
5. Explore your Sexual Desires
A crucial step of owning your sexuality and your sex life is to not hold back when it comes to exploring your fantasies. You get one life on this planet. Don’t waste it by ignoring sexual exploration. Always wanted to try swinging? Go to your local swinger’s club. Always wanted to try anal sex? Do it. And if you try something and hate it, well, at least you know, right?!
Don’t forget, though, to be cautious and always protect yourself when indulging in sex. Sex is fun, but an STD or unplanned pregnancy is not.
Don’t be fooled. The above are some valuable tips for how you can own your sexuality. Don’t think it’s the only way, though! And owning your sexuality is an ongoing thing, not a one-and-done situation. But I’ll let you into a little secret. Once you do own your sexuality, you won’t ever stop.