Losing your virginity can be a huge deal. We know that virginity is so special, or so life-changing – or at least, that’s what we’re told. While losing your virginity can be super exciting, it can also be nerve-wracking and make you feel anxious or afraid. Those feelings are totally normal. You may even spend your time trying to imagine what actually happens when you have sex for the first time! It’s hard to know when the right time is, what the right time is, and what will happen. Sex ed only teaches us so much. Before we talk about what you should know about losing your virginity, let’s talk about what virginity actually is.

So, what is losing your virginity?

Being a virgin is someone who has never had sex, by textbook definition. However, that definition can be blurred, since so many people consider different things to be sex. For a lot of people, virgins are people who have never had penis-in-vagina sex. However, what about people who aren’t interested in penis/vaginal sex? The LGBTQ+ community is essentially left out of this definition altogether. Those who engage in other types of sex such as oral or anal would also seem to have lost their virginity. Since all of this is up to interpretation, this also means it is all very personal. It’s up to you to define what sex is for you, and what is losing your virginity. There’s no standard definition that you have to follow. Virginity is more of a social and societal concept than anything else. 

Number one – practice safe sex!

While on the topic of virginity (and losing it) it’s very important to remember to be safe when doing anything. We all know about STI/STDs, but it’s so important to take these seriously! It is so simple to prevent getting one, as long as you are diligent in having safe sex. Have condoms available, be sure you and your partner get tested, and remember that it’s ok to say no if something doesn’t seem right. While some STIs are completely curable, not all are, and if you can decrease the chances of you acquiring an STI, why not use a condom?

Safe sex isn’t just about preventing diseases. You also want to avoid unplanned pregnancy! Condoms can be a great choice but aren’t the most effective option. Birth control is also a great option, that’s fairly accessible to most. Check out our previous blog to see what you may be interested in, and talk to your doctor. If you’re a male or penis owner, be sure to keep condoms with you just to be safe. Visiting a doctor to talk about options for birth control also allows you to ask any questions you may have in general about sex!

Things to know before losing your virginity.

Losing your virginity is more than just being safe. It can be an emotional experience, and it’s important to really pay attention to your body and how you feel both before, during, and after your experience. Here are some things you should know before having sex for the first time. 

1. Not everyone orgasms the first time

You probably won’t orgasm with your partner, and you may not have an orgasm at all your first time! That’s totally okay. Porn has made it seem like everyone cums together, every time when that is not the normal experience for many. Your first time, you most likely won’t know what your body likes and doesn’t. It’s a learning experience!

2. On that topic… sex may not even feel good the first time

Not that sex hurts for everyone the first time, but it does for some. Realistically, you may not really find it enjoyable at first! Sex can be awkward, messy, and embarrassing. You have no idea at first what you’re doing, what you like, and what you want. Don’t give up just because it isn’t picture perfect. 

3. If you’re a vagina owner – you may not bleed.

Movies popularize the idea that every person with a vagina bleeds after their first time. However, that’s not the case. The bleeding is typically from your hymen breaking, and this can occur throughout your life from different activities. Sports, riding a bike or horse, or even using a tampon can potentially break your hymen. Don’t feel ashamed if it doesn’t happen for you.

4. You may not be in love with your first person

The first person you sleep with will most likely not be someone that you are absolutely head over heels in love with. There’s nothing wrong at all with that. This is normal, and definitely something to understand that it is ok. You may not be any closer with the person after you have sex, and you may not feel those feelings of love at all either.

5. Even if you’ve never had sex, you can still have an STI.

If you give a partner oral sex (go down on a girl or a guy), you can catch an STI. So even if you haven’t had penis in vagina sex, it is super important to get tested, and to know your partners testing status as well! This can prevent you from any accidental issues that could affect you later on down the line.

6. Sex does not change who you are as a person.

Sex may not be great the first time, but that also won’t make you a completely different person. You’ll be surprised to see that you are exactly the same person that you already were. Sex is so built up and overhyped in most people’s minds, so when you finally have it, that feeling will just go out the window. 

Remember that losing your virginity is not the end of the world, but it can be truly special if you want it to be. Maintain safety, and make sure that you do what you want to do, and no more than that. It’s so important to be aware of your body and your wants and needs.