Talking dirty. It sounds so intimidating to the novice who doesn’t usually try it. You may think the idea is hot, but that the implementation is incredibly awkward. Or, you may be nervous that your partner will laugh at you and think you are silly for saying some of these things. However, research shows that those who talk and communicate in the bedroom are more sexually satisfied than those that don’t. So many men and women find dirty talking hot, but not that many partake in it. Why? Is it the initial awkwardness? The embarrassing moment where you can’t believe you thought or said something? You have to overcome that fear, because this turn on could be what your sex life is truly missing out on to get extra spicy and fun in the bedroom (and out of it)!

So why is dirty talk such a turn on? 

It is so appealing when our partners tell us exactly what they want to do to us, or what they want us to do to them. The imagery, sounds, and fantasies can really make you feel so much exhilaration and anticipation for the actual thing, that some people get off from dirty talk alone! Talking sexy to your partner is something that should be enjoyed and fun, not something to be ashamed or embarrassed of. Talking dirty or sexy also stimulates our senses, particularly hearing. This makes any interaction more than just purely physical and touch based. This is also a fundamental of communication, allowing our partners to hear our wildest fantasies, and hopefully play those fantasies out. It may make you more comfortable to tell them what you actually want, need, and desire. Even though the language used may seem crass and too blount, this is actually part of why it is arousing. Going against the social norms of what is and isn’t acceptable can be thrilling in its own right. You have to try and move past that level of discomfort to work towards open and sexy communication. Plus, the more you do it, the more comfortable and happy you’ll feel doing it later on!

Practice talking dirty – even if it feels uncomfortable.

You don’t have to be super elaborate or vocal, but try to paint a scene in your partner’s mind. Start by saying you want, or you need. This tells them that this thing is something you would want to try or need them to do, and gives them ideas and thoughts for later. For example, you can say that you want them to handcuff you or tie you up, or that you need to be spanked later as punishment. Once you’re comfortable communicating the basics, you can start being more detailed and also telling them what you like and love. For example, you could tell them that you love when they are super deep inside of you, or that you like when they kiss your neck. 

Try to compliment them.

Complimenting your partner is one of the best ways to turn them on and make them feel super sexy. People love to be complimented, both in the bedroom and in life. Some people even thrive from compliments because their love language is words of affirmation. Let them know that what they’re doing feels good, or that you really like it and are in to what is happening. Tell them that you like the way they’re moving their body against yours, or that you love how they feel inside you. You can even take it one notch up and tell them they’re the biggest you’ve ever had or the best you’ve ever felt. 

Try reading erotica together.

When you’re reading a romance or sexy novel, try reading those scenes to each other. The descriptions are very incredible, and even if it feels awkward, you can laugh about it together. The good thing is that these are not scenes and fantasies from your own mind, so if there is something that you don’t like or think is funny, you can laugh and giggle about it together! There are many erotica novels available online as well, which will help you find some new things to read and enjoy, and even give you some new sexy ideas to try together. 

Be descriptive while talking dirty.

Talking dirty about what you want them to do is sexy, but talking about what they are doing is even sexier. Tell them that you love when they moan for you, or that they taste so good. You can tell them you love how they look in their lingerie or outfit, or that you want to see them bent over in front of you. This engages all of the senses, and makes for an even more tantalizing and enjoyable experience together. You really make for a sensual and fun environment that stimulates both hearing, taste, smell, and sound. 

Ask them what they like.

Try asking them what they want to feel, how they feel, what they want, and what they like. This is the perfect way to ask for consent to try something new, and also lets you know you are doing the right thing or something enjoyable. Plus, hearing them moan yes is a super sexy turn on. Knowing that they love and enjoy what you’re doing can really make sex even more fun and satisfying, or even if you are only talking dirty over the phone, knowing that what you are saying is turning them on so much can truly be so enjoyable and tantalizing.

Don’t be afraid to laugh and have fun when talking dirty. 

If you feel awkward or uncomfortable, remember that this is a learning experience! Laugh together, figure out what you do and don’t like, and grow your sexual arsenal of tools together to have the most fun. It’s ok to feel nervous at first, but with time, sexy talk may become a staple in your routine. Describing what you like, how you like it, how you want it, can all be so incredibly hot, and nothing is better than knowing that your partner is so turned on by you and what you say.