Why Do Couples Choose To Become Swingers?

Nov 19, 2021

There are advantages to being in a committed relationship; love, security, being comfortable with another person. On the other hand, no strings attached is like being stuck in the honeymoon phase all the time. But what if you can have the best of both worlds? Swingers do, at least on the surface. 

But what does swingers mean? In short, swingers are couples who enjoy sharing sexual experiences with people outside of their relationships.

The reason a couple decides to get into swinging might be straightforward, but sometimes it’s far from wanting to enrich their sex life. If you’re wondering why your partner brought it up, this article will hopefully give you some ideas.

So why do couples become swingers?

1. To bring back the passion in the bedroom

If your sex life isn’t satisfying, it can affect your relationship in many different ways. You might become sexually frustrated and avoid intimacy. Eventually, you might forget what desire even feels like. Some couples decide to become swingers because it’s their last resort. If having sex with strangers when society says it’s wrong won’t get you your libido back, then what will? Luckily, most couples get into that lifestyle simply because it’s fun, and they want to explore different sides of sex. A typical swinging scenario involves two couples who exchange partners, and some might like the thrill of having to compete for their partner’s attention. Plus, it’s one step towards fulfilling your voyeuristic fantasies. You might realize that being watched is what gives you the most adrenaline rush. 

2. To explore having sex with the opposite gender

Have you ever wondered if you’d enjoy being intimate with a woman? If it hasn’t crossed your mind, you’re missing out. Studies show that sex with women can be more enjoyable because they tend to put their partner’s needs first. Still, the idea of having sex with another woman with no previous experience can be daunting, and your partner might not be happy about your one-on-one. This is where swinging comes into play. A lot of couples decide to become swingers so they can have a taste of sleeping with the opposite gender without facing their partner’s jealousy or judgment. For men especially, it can be an opportunity to decide if they’re bisexual in a more socially acceptable way. Swinging can also be a great warmup if you’re fantasizing about having a threesome, but neither of you is confident enough.


3. To find out what sex feels like with other people and gain more experience

Suppose you’re one of the lucky people who are still in a relationship with their high school sweetheart; good for you. But there’s something that can get into the way of your forever after, and it’s lack of experience. Committing to a person you love and witnessing them grow is great, but it will eventually make you wonder; what would it be like to have sex with other people? Whether we want it or not, most of us are sexual beings that crave novelty, and love can’t always meet all our needs. I’m not saying having just one sexual partner will lead to cheating, but where’s the fun in that? A lot of couples decide to enter the swingers lifestyle not because they’re bored of each other, but because they want to satisfy their curiosity. And it can strengthen their bond in the process. You might realize that you’re more than happy with each other’s company and don’t need anyone else to feel fulfilled. Or… you might discover you were born to be a swinger and never look back. Either way, you won’t know until you try.

4. To meet like-minded people

In a sex-saturated society, it’s surprisingly difficult to find people who share the same sexual kinks. Sure, you can make an account on a website dedicated to fetishists, but it isn’t quite the same as meeting someone in person without expectations. Believe it or not, many couples visit swingers clubs just to socialize. The goal doesn’t have to be having sex but to exchange experiences and immerse yourself into the adult swinger lifestyle. Being a swinger can mean different things to different people, and there are a lot of scenarios to choose from; threesomes, foursomes, orgies… this is why it can be a lot less exciting than it seems. With the right approach, there’s no space for a spontaneous first time – you have to discuss each other’s boundaries and ask for consent. If you’re thinking of becoming a swinger, do your research first and then head to a local club to see how you like the environment.  

5. To avoid cheating

Why do couples become swingers? Unfortunately, sometimes it’s a one-sided decision made to avoid cheating. A lot of people get bored in the bedroom and think having sex with someone else will solve their problems as if communicating like two adults wasn’t an option. In the worst-case scenario, one partner might be secretly bisexual or like the opposite gender, and swinging is their way to explore these fantasies. This is why it’s important to discuss needs and boundaries with your partner before you make a major lifestyle change by learning how to talk about sex. It has to be a mutual decision and for good reasons.  

6. They aren’t into monogamy

As seen in the previous example, some people just aren’t great at communication. Others might be manipulative on top of that. If swinging was your partner’s idea and you decide to go with the flow, make sure you’re on the same page. For you, it might be a fun way to add variety to your bedroom. But your partner might interpret it as a green light and pressure you to open the relationship because they’re secretly non-monogamous. If you try swinging and realize monogamy isn’t for you, great. There’s nothing wrong with dating multiple people as long as it’s consensual. 

7. They aren’t sexually compatible

Things aren’t always what they seem to be. Just because a friendly couple next door has great chemistry on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling in the sex department. Sometimes when the honeymoon phase fades, so does the sexual desire. It might turn out that a person you want to spend your life with isn’t your best sexual match, but that’s okay. Joining an adult swinger lifestyle is a way to take care of a partner’s sexual needs without ending a relationship with great potential otherwise. 


8. They have an uneven sex drive

There’s a lot more to desire than most people think. The right stimulation isn’t enough; you have to make sure there are no external factors that inhibit the desire at the same time. If your partner isn’t turned on because they’re under a lot of pressure at work, buying sexy underwear and watching porn together won’t be enough. They’d have to decrease their stress levels, learn how to relax, and potentially go to therapy which is time-consuming, and not every fed-up partner wants to wait to have their needs met. When sex drives don’t match, partners might decide to become swingers to avoid breaking up. For some, it might be a temporary solution, but for others, it’s a lifestyle. 


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