Suppose you’re new to the swinger lifestyle community or learning how to become a swinger. In that case, your first official swingers party may be an overwhelming prospect, even if it’s an exciting one. Trying out new things sexually can be a real fun time, and there are some smart ways to handle this new situation. Let’s work through some concrete steps so that you feel the most comfortable possible in the swinger lifestyle community.
Talk with your partner.
First steps first, share the invite with your partner. Do they want to go? Is this something you’re both interested in moving towards? Sharing the clearest expectations in advance is the best way to make sure you have the most fun and leave with the least amount of hurt feelings. You and your partner should be on the same page about your attendance and participation. If there are mixed signals, work them out prior to attending. The party itself wouldn’t be a good time to connect with your partner about their needs and desires- both of you deserve a safe space to talk about your sexual interests. Learning how to talk about sex in relation to a swingers party is key.
Learn the lingo.
The swinger lifestyle community has an entire vernacular that you may or may not be familiar with. Take your time and do your research. This could help you and your partner more clearly define what sort of adult swinger lifestyle you’d be into. It will also help when it comes time to connect with other swingers already established in the swinger community.
RSVP.
Before you rush to attend, remember this is still a party being thrown at someone’s house. Whether it’s the swinger lifestyle community or your cousin’s baby shower- RSVPing is still common courtesy. Your host is probably working to create a balanced guest list and have all the food and drink required like a normal party. In addition, they may have house rules to clear with you before you come over. A kind guest is one that gets invited again.
Get tested.
When you’re involved in the swinger lifestyle community, your sexual health becomes not just important for you and your partner but for the entire community. Get tested and get tested often. While there’s a lot of safety precautions you can take during sex acts, it’s still best practice to have an up-to-date STD panel done prior to your party.
Get clean.
Take a shower and get clean before you attend. A fresh shower goes a long way when you’re interacting with others naked. While we all know bodies can share odors, it’s a nice gesture to minimize perfumes and colognes in these spaces too. Your potential sexual interests will thank you.
Make your attire match your intentions.
Unless there’s a dress code from your host, you have some options for how you’d like to present yourself at the gathering. A good rule of thumb is to have your outfit match your intentions. Are you ready to mingle? Something that makes you feel sexy would be best. Are you taking things slow and learning first? Consider less revealing clothing to send that message to potential suitors. For more tips on what to wear to a swingers club or party, visit the linked article.
Bring a gift.
The swinger lifestyle community is at its core a friendly group of people. And like meeting any new host, bringing a gift is a friendly move. Whether it be a bottle of wine, a dessert, or a small gift, a little goes a long way to tell your host you appreciate them opening their home.
Bring supplies.
While there may be plenty of things already at the party, thanks to your lovely host, there are some BYO elements to a swinger lifestyle community party. Always bring your own protection so you can be in control of important safety elements like fit, allergies, and expiration date. And if there are sex toys you like to use, bring those too. Taking control of your sexual health means prioritizing the sanitation of your own supplies.
Observe first.
While you may be very excited to participate, it’s important to honor the energy of the swinger lifestyle community by observing first. You’ll get to know the social norms and protocols and be more likely to form stronger connections. It shows respect to both the host and the community when you take time to learn how their particular swinger lifestyle community works together.
Enjoy yourself.
When you’re feeling comfortable in your space and the people around you are also comfortable with you- it’s time to keep having fun! At the heart of it, those in the adult swinger lifestyle community are just trying to enjoy and play with their bodies. Don’t forget that these should be fun events first and foremost for all involved.
Say what you want kindly.
Remember that even forming these small sexual relationships with people will require you to set new boundaries with strangers constantly. Be quick to tell others what you do and don’t like being done with your body. And conversely, listen intently to what they’re sharing with you. Boundaries will vary person by person, so it’s best not to make assumptions and always ask for consent if you’d like to take things further.
Clean up.
Just like any party, cleaning up after yourself is just a kind move. This can be especially true if any messy sexual escapades occur. Check-in with the host to make sure you respect their space in the ways they prefer.
Check in with your partner.
At the end of the day, respect the relationships you had prior to coming to the party. While the allure of the swinger lifestyle community can be exhilarating, respecting the boundaries of the relationships you went in with comes first. Make plans to check in with your partner- and do so especially when it’s time to go home.
Take is slow.
There’s no rush to experience all the excitement that the swinger community has to offer in just one night. Frequently you’ll find groups stick together and have parties pretty regularly. It’s worth taking your time and entering the community at a pace that feels good for everyone. Give yourself time to negotiate new boundaries in between parties and check in with your partner.
Plan a post-event check-in.
Use the time in between swinger lifestyle community parties to check in with your partner. Talk about how the party felt for you, what you’d like to do differently, and any boundaries you’d like to re-negotiate. It’s your responsibility to advocate for what you’d like to do differently and connect with your partner about their thoughts too. Successful long-term swingers know that constant communication is a must.
Use it to spice up your own love life.
One of the great things about attending an exciting sexual event is that you can use it as new information to play at home. Maybe you and your partner find new kinks, positions, or strategies to integrate into your own sex life. Let your relationship develop with your new sexual understanding. Great play with each other can sometimes require great inspiration first.