It may sound counterintuitive, but if you want amazing intimate sex, the key is to not have it. Yes, that’s right, once you learn how to be intimate without sex, your sex life will improve dramatically. If this is new for you, we’ve compiled some simple ways to be intimate without sex that will bring you closer both outside and inside the bedroom. 

Date one another.

If you talk to any relationship expert, they’ll recommend dating one another and making those dates a priority. In the “How to Be Intimate Without Sex” handbook, this will pop up time and time again as the best move. And for a good reason, couples who connect on regular date nights are doing a lot of things right. They’re setting time aside to value and honor their relationship, they’re putting in the effort to enjoy new activities together, and they’re making space for new connections and conversations to happen. 

The result of all this date night magic? Well, it could just be more intimate sex. Not every date needs to end in sex, that’s for sure. But if you think about it, dates can really just be extended foreplay for more frisky evenings. After a hard day at work, dates are a great way to pivot your partnership to intimacy. Whether this is just intimacy without sex or whether it escalates is between you and your partner, but prioritizing date nights is a great way to cultivate the type of close relationship you want.

Share secrets.

Any time you have a chance and feel comfortable is a good time to connect with your partner about some of the secrets of what makes you unique. We all have a whole life of experiences behind us and as we get to know our partners, sharing these secrets is how to be intimate without sex. If you’re feeling safe, share an anecdote from your childhood or connect with them about something at the office that is just really impacting you.

When we allow ourselves to share more secrets with our partners, we build intimacy without sex. However, when you’re ready to bring sex back on the table, this sharing you did will have a positive impact. When you’re comfortable sharing more about yourself with your partner, you’ll also be able to tell them when they are or are not making you feel good. You may even feel safe enough to tell them a new exciting bedroom activity you want to try.  

Create non-sexual love rituals

Odds are, if you’ve had a successful relationship for a while, you are using more non-sexual love rituals than you think. When you leave the house, do you always say “I love you”? Before you go to bed, do you cuddle? These little activities that we sneak into our everyday lives become habits. In this case, the habits you’re creating are loving ones that keep your relationship strong. Love rituals help people feel cared for and nurtured on a consistent basis. 

If you’re looking for how to be intimate without sex, creating these rituals is a great place to start. If you’re ready to create more intimate sex, these will help you too. The most adventurous and exciting bedroom adventures start with you and your partner feeling safe experimenting with one another. By creating these loving rituals, you’ll both be more prepared to enjoy exciting sex in safe and fulfilling ways.

Practice listening

Listening is a learned skill. And while we all want to feel heard, the truth is, we’re not all great at listening. Non-judgemental, full attention listening is different from reading a text. This sort of intense listening means using eye contact and non-verbal cues to tell your partner that you hear them. 

It also means connecting with them, not just trying to fix them. Sometimes people just need to vent to be understood. Your partner doesn’t need you to defend them, but just knowing that someone heard their side of the story can make them feel validated and important. Making your partner feel important is a valuable strategy for how to be intimate without sex. 

When you’re ready to move to the bedroom, your listening skills with one another will pay off. You’ll be able to hear what your partner likes in the bedroom and respond accordingly. You’ll be tuned to hear their words and their nonverbal cues (like moans and groans of pleasure) to know that you’re both enjoying yourselves. And they’ll also feel safe enough to share more of what makes them feel good with you because they’re trusting you to truly listen. 

Practice Admiration

The best couples learn how to be intimate without sex by admiring one another regularly. Believe it or not, this is something you can do on your own that still builds toward your relationship. The point isn’t necessarily that you need to share more compliments; the idea is that you need to change your mindset to look for the things that you admire. Sure, you can look for all the ways your partner dropped the ball, didn’t unload the dishwasher, or forgot an appointment, but those don’t help you create a better picture of your spouse. Notice your partner’s strengths. Go out of your way to look at them and find aspects of their personality or their body that you enjoy and admire.  

By the time it’s ready to create intimate sex, the skills you have in noticing your partner’s strengths will go far. You’ll be more prepared to give them positive compliments and treat their body well. The appreciation you’ve been cultivating for them without sex will translate to a better intimacy without sex or with it. 

Assume the Best of Them. 

Sometimes people get hurt; it’s just inevitable. The key to a great and fulfilling relationship isn’t ever getting hurt. It’s being able to get past the hurts quickly. That means assuming the best of your partner. The relationships that last the longest and have the best sex assume the best of their partner even when times are hard and when there are disagreements. That doesn’t mean they’ll never hurt you. But what it does mean is that when you reconnect with them, you do the best you can to assume the absolute best of their character and their actions. Despite how it may feel, your partner probably doesn’t want to make you feel embarrassed at that party or make you feel uncomfortable when they’re making you late.  

This works great for how to be intimate without sex, but it has implications in the bedroom too. When you both assume the best of each other, if something doesn’t feel right in the bedroom, you’ll know that your partner isn’t trying to hurt you. Sometimes the things that feel good for one of you may not feel great for both of you. When you assume the best of each other, you’ll be able to remain connected and easily pivot through these tricky sexual situations. 

And that’s how to be intimate without sex. Finding different ways to be intimate without sex is ironically the best way to strengthen your sex life. If you or your partner is having a hard time, check in with these and see how you can improve.