If you’ve been in a long-term relationship spanning several months to even years, you may have started to neglect your sex life. It can become routinized; you might not be exploring all the possibilities available at hand, thus only having sex that could otherwise be phenomenal! 

Do you find yourself dreaming of having spontaneous sex that sets you on fire and leaves you begging for more? Take our word for it; studies reveal that most women around the world do. In fact, research shows that planning sex too far in advance and that allowing it to fall into a mundane routine can really take the joy out of sex. 

You can spice up your sex life by introducing spontaneity in your sex life, and we’re here to tell you how. Whether you’re married with kids or are living with your partner and find yourself getting caught up in work and other duties, you need to give spontaneous sex a shot. 

But first, let’s begin with the why question. Why do we need to have spontaneous sex, and why do so many women around the world enjoy it? Well, here’s a list of some of the possible reasons: 

It brings back lots of memories – do it for nostalgia!

Who doesn’t want to feel like their sexiest 19-year-old self again? The years of your life where you are youthful, exciting, and do things that bring you joy – that’s the feeling spontaneous sex can bring back. 

Think of all those college parties you attended with your partners or the wild and frisky things you got up to at an earlier point in your life, and remember the sensations it came with. It can feel nostalgic to have spontaneous sex and can really make you feel like your younger self again, especially if you and your partner have been in a committed relationship for a fairly long period of time. 

You feel really connected to your partner 

Spontaneous sex is all about putting your partner’s needs first and really letting them know that you still find them sexy and attractive – the same as you did when you two first met. Bring back the butterflies and the rainbows, and get dressed for dates like you did before the mundanity of life got in the way. 

Spontaneous sex can help you connect with your partner that can break the tension of everyday life and help you make time for each other as a way of saying, “Hey, I still love you and value you despite all the duties that regular life comes with!”. That’s always a good reminder for your partner, and you’ll feel great about being reminded that your partner loves you, too. In other words, by catering to both experiential intimacy and sexual intimacy, it ensures the passion is kept alive between you and your partner after years of having been together. Spontaneous sex lets you feel just as connected as you did when you two first met.

Think of all the Feel Good hormones! 

Sex releases endorphins and serotonin, which are chemicals in the brain that allow you to Feel Good. These are the hormones that whiz through your body when you work out, dance, or feel joy, and these hormones can have an uplifting effect on your mood. If this is sustained, you can begin to feel better overall, and nobody ever minds a little bit more joy in their lives, right? 

Now that we’ve given you a list long enough to tell you why you should be having spontaneous sex with your partner, let’s get into the ‘how’ part of the article. Sure, it may not always go as smoothly as they make it out to be on screen – the hot, steamy, sudden sex in a parking lot or getting it started in an elevator isn’t always how it plays out. 

That said, let’s not forget that art does depict real-life scenarios and if they can do it on screen, what’s stopping you from trying it in real life? So, put your worries aside and talk it out with your partner; communicate that you’d like to incorporate more spontaneous sex into (or outside) the bedroom and use this as a guide to get started.

Surprise your partner 

Go pick out a role play costume, or browse through our website to pick out some toys that interest you! Purchase what sounds like you and your partner having a good time, and whip it out next time you and your partner are having sex. 

This can be one way of expanding the possibilities of doing spontaneous things during sex, and it can feel much more fulfilling and exciting. It helps build the anticipation that you and your partner have towards having sex, and incorporating new techniques, movements, and sex toys can help you and your partner feel just as excited about sex as you did when you began seeing each other. 

If that doesn’t sound like something that interests you (though we highly recommend it!), you can also surprise your partner at work or home after they return from work by dressing up and planning a date with your partner. This can help your partner feel connected to you and would put them in the mood to have more spontaneous sex with you if they see that you’re putting in the effort. 

Spend more quality time (without the kids!)

As the previous point suggests, spending quality time (ideal for those with the quality time love language) with your partner is crucial to incorporating spontaneous sex into your life. By spending more quality time with your partner, you are affirming their belief that you care about them and value and cherish them, which in turn helps them feel closer and more drawn to you.

 If you and your partner have kids, try going out for one night, leaving the kid with the babysitter, or perhaps allowing them to sleep in a different room. This will give you more time to drop the “mom” and “dad” roles you have taken up while parenting and can help you and your partner feel sexier and more aroused with the possibilities of the world of spontaneous sex. 

Take it outside the bedroom 

One way of making sex more spontaneous between you and your partner is to go out and give sex in public a shot. Of course, there is a whole host of things you should keep in mind when it comes to sex in public – but worry not, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a link to a guide for having sex in public that we’ve already put together for you. 

Once you’ve browsed the list, make sure you and your partner are both into the idea of public sex and aware of the possible consequences, and take it out of the bedroom to let the spontaneity in! Try an empty parking lot, or a park, or perhaps a nude beach if you live near one to really mix things up and add spice to your sex lives. 

Throw in some exhibitionism or voyeurism if you’re really feeling adventurous, and let the thrill consume you while you experience adrenaline as you did in your early teenage years! 

Take a break and go on vacation.

Plan a getaway with your partner and allow yourselves enough time to really get away from the draining routine of your regular lives. If both of you work 9-5 jobs and can’t seem to schedule a vacation for too long, give a weekend-long trip a shot and really let the emotions take the wheel. Feel young, bright-eyed, and light-hearted once again to feel deeply connected to your partner with spontaneous sex.