There’s a lot of controversy about school sex education these days.
Are students receiving enough sex ed? Are they learning the right things in sex ed? Is sex ed safe or appropriate to teach in an educational setting?
So many questions, with answers that all depend on your views. Considering most of us are well past our days of school sex and learning in a classroom environment, I can almost guarantee that we maintain one truth common amongst us all.
Sex Ed in schools is failing our kids. This is a heavy statement, but it seems to be the case. Did you know that only 13 states require sexual education to be medically accurate? In addition to that, only about half of the United States even require sex ed at all. For many states, there is no guideline on topics of contraception as well. In fact, some states prohibit sex ed as a whole. This shows us the facts that are missing – literally- from most sexual education classes in schools. How can we expect our kids to stay safe and be educated, if they’re not receiving the proper information?
The 13 states that require medically accurate school sex education are:
- New Jersey
- North Carolina
- Rhode Island
This is a huge gap, when you consider that there are 50 states in total. This is a 26 percent ratio, or only about a quarter of the states in the United States that are prioritizing comprehensive, medically accurate information. That’s absolutely unacceptable, and very concerning when you realize the amount of people who are under 18 and having sex. We know that it’s bound to happen – our young teenagers feel sexual urges and tendencies, and want to explore themselves and others. Since we can’t have eyes on them 24/7, sexual education is crucial to providing resources for them to learn safety and be aware of their sexual health. At this point, we often see that children are quite literally having children. Without proper education, it’s nearly impossible to effectively help prevent this from happening.
When sexual education is in depth and knowledgeable, our children are able to make more informed and safe choices when they choose to engage in sexual activities. Sexual activities include sex, oral sex, anal sex, and even making out and fooling around! We know that teenagers do it, so why not empower them to do it safely? Yes, maybe teenagers being sexually active is not something we want, but we can’t stop it completely. Providing them with facts and knowledge is the best way to help reduce pregnancy, and improving the chances of them protecting themselves from STI/STD’s (sexually transmitted infections or diseases).
That is the fact that sex, and all of its wide-reaching and vastly differents facets contained within the multiple varieties of definitions that all fall under this word, goes way beyond and far deeper than anything our little school sex selves could have ever thought to be a reality.
So let’s get into some of the things that simply cannot be discovered in school sex ed, and that can only be provided thanks to real-life sexual experiences that leave us gasping for more, with more knowledge than before, or with a smile on our cheeks from laughing aloud.
Foreplay is a Lost Art.
At least we think that it is!
Maybe it’s just our lifestyles as human beings right now, trained to get things done as quickly and efficiently as possible to move on to the next task. Or maybe we just didn’t learn how to implement all the best foreplay techniques that actually turn each other on.
After all, it’s rather easy to skip right past the first five minutes of any video and get into the ‘good stuff’, unaware that you may have actually missed the ‘best stuff’.
Whatever the reason, one sex life lesson that has made itself clear is that foreplay is a lost art, and that by mastering foreplay you will manifest a love life that was thought to exist on the pages of only the most erotic literature. Take some time to really learn what the other gender likes before sex, and ensure that you are spending this time with them before getting straight into things.
Foreplay showcases and appreciation for your partner, a way of saying without saying aloud “I care about you and I want you to feel amazing”, and that you are into the sexual relationship not just for sex, but to create a deeper and more intimate connection.
Sex Toys Make Sex a Lot More Fun.
Masturbation and sex toys are a match made in heaven, but for whatever reason, it seems as though sex toys arent quite as common in a couples sexual settings.
There remains some mindset that sex toys act as a form of replacement in a bedroom set, a way to help one of the partners get off with the misconception that the other alone is not enough to do this.
And we cannot begin to explain just how wrong this is!
Sex toys simply provide you with sensations that are otherwise impossible to feel. Our penis or tongues can’t vibrate at the speed of a vibrator, and that’s just simple science, so a vibrator allows you to feel things that aren’t capable of being produced by a human.
Never let the idea that sex toys are meant to replace you get to you, and instead embrace them for all they are worth because some of the best orgasms for both males and females come around when one or many sex toys are introduced to sex.
Not only is it fun feeling sensations you have never before experienced, but it’s even more fun watching your partner do the same, and using these sensations in conjunction with your intimacy and your own ‘tools of the trade’ will result in soul-shivering orgasms.
You Can Have Sex… On Your Period?
Oh what a discovery this was, the coming of age realization that having sex when on your period is not only viable, but it feels rather incredible and even offers a range of health benefits. That, and when the male partner realizes that the period week may be the best week to get it on, as periods also increase sex drive, period sex may become something you want!
Aside from promoting health benefits that include reducing cramps, shortening bleed time, clearing away headaches, and acting as a natural form of lubricant; sex on your period feels really good, and the slight taboo around it makes it even more inviting.
Maybe it’s that distance makes the heart grow fonder, the period acting as a beacon that says “no sex until it’s done!” creating an aura of lust around the idea of being able to actually have sex while on it that pulls you in until, well, until its time to have some fun! Or maybe it’s just that we love sex so much waiting just seems silly.
But no matter what, the school sex of our lives has taught me that sex on a period is very much a thing and that you should expect it to happen at least once in your life!
Humans are Nasty.
And by nasty, we mean in all the best of ways. Nasty is what brings life to our sex, it is what allows us to discover things that we may have never known about ourselves and our desires, or to follow through with the things that we have known all along but just have never been lucky enough to try out before.
Humans are nasty and sex is nasty, and the more inclined you are to accept and embrace this wild and crazy truth the more invigorating your sex will become.
And the reason why it is such an important lesson is the fact that it tells us that it is not only okay to be ourselves, but we must be ourselves! Because no fun ever comes from hiding yourself from your partner. Or worse yet, hiding yourself from yourself.
If there is a kink or a turn on that you have always wanted to try but have been too shy or haven’t known how to go about it, then take this lesson and learn from it that it is always okay to discuss and chat with your partner or others who may be sexually involved with these ideas.
Because chances are they will not only accept them, but it is something that they will find many pleasures in trying as well, and your being open and honest will allow them to do the same so that your sex becomes better than it has ever been.
Sex Drives our Lives.
We didn’t quite know it back in sex school, but sex drives pretty much everything else in our lives, and it doesn’t take much to figure it out.
Our careers, hoping to build a level of success that is attractive enough to others to act as the newfound form of natural selection, saying ‘I am the best partner because I have the money to buy the food’.
Our bodies, hoping to look as best and as strong as we can be to fully entice another into a lustful desire to strip away the barriers of clothing.
Our health, driving us to be as healthy as possible so that we can remain at the forefront of sexual activity (or more importantly, performance) for as long as our bodies allow us to go, doing all we can to enhance our health to increase this timeline to the largest extent.
Just think back a bit and you may realize too that sex really does drive nearly every other aspect of our lives, and because of this you must approach sexual interactions in a way that are safe but that are also in line with the things that you seek deep within yourself from a sexual encounter.
School Sex Education For Parents.
As parents, we have the ability to educate our children, and we should do so. Taking the reins in to our hands helps us create a safer space for our children to learn about important topics such as sex ed and contraception. However, a professional education is a great option and helps bridge any gaps between what we know and what we don’t. Teenagers may often feel more comfortable asking a professional their questions versus their parents. This also keeps it more knowledge based and less biased. As it turns out, having both parties speak and address this aspect of their physical and sexual education assists vastly in giving both real life and non biased, educational opinions.
When sexual education isn’t mandated or regulated by your state, teachers are able to interpret this knowledge to their own beliefs, leading to misinformation and biased knowledge being given. Think about the classic scene in Mean Girls, where the physical education teacher states: “ Do not have sex, or you will get pregnant, and die.”. No one should be taught to be afraid of the natural things and urges they may experience. Some teachers may religiously believe in not using contraception, while others may be completely anti abortion. You truly want your child to learn about all aspects in an unbiased way so that they do not have misguided opinions. They should be able to form their opinions on contraception, abortion, and when to have sex on their own, with a sound mind. Biased opinions from educators show as factual information, and can create fear and distrust.
State policies vary so largely regarding what information must be talked about in sex ed, and what can’t be spoken about or addressed. A comprehensive program is the only way to ensure that your teenagers are really learning about the realities of having sex and staying safe. There are emotional and physical aspects of sex that should be talked about, as well as the economic impact that they may experience with early pregnancy. In addition, the long term effects of contraception, the options, and what to do when facing early pregnancy should be addressed. Sexual orientation is also important to talk about, as the LBGTQ+ community is often left out in sex ed. Many may be questioning their own sexual orientation, and not speaking on that can be incredibly harmful. If your child is LGBTQ+ or concerned that they may be, they need the ability to ask questions and explore that side! No one should feel pressured to conform. You also do not want to see educators stating that this is wrong or incorrect to be, as this can cause mental and emotional trauma in the long term.
Teen pregnancy has seen an upswing in the last few years, and proper sex ed can help empower teenagers to prevent this unfortunate circumstance. Birth rates vary by state, but studies have shown consistently that teenagers with comprehensive sexual education that include contraception education have a lower risk of pregnancy. The more that people are able to get accurate and good information, the more they can make a more informed decision about what they do with their bodies. In 2020, Arkansas, New Mexico, and Mississippi had the highest rates of teen pregnancy in the country. None of those three states are on the list of medically accurate sexual education mandated states. The states with the lowest rates include Utah, Indiana, and Nebraska, though there are several others with low rates as well. It seems that mandating education in states with higher rates may be a great idea, to prevent further spikes.
If you live in a state without comprehensive medically based school sex education, consider going to your teenagers primary care physician if you are able to. You can also try telehealth, and have a conversation with a licensed medical professional this way. Remember that putting knowledge in their hands does not necessarily mean that they will have sex, but gives both you and them the security to know that if they do choose to partake, they have the tools to make the best decision for themselves.
Because if something is as powerful as sex, then it deserves to be acted upon with delicate care so that this major aspect of life can provide you happiness, connections, and experiences that will engrave themselves forever into your memories.