Rules of Fair Fighting in a Relationship: Setting Boundaries in Conflict.

Oct 3, 2021

Every partnership and couple fights, and this is simply inevitable. Learning how to fight fair in a relationship is crucial for successful long-term partnerships. 

The rules of fair fighting in a relationship ultimately have to be negotiated between you and your partner with ample communication. The problem with that? How to fight fair in a relationship is a learned skill, and it’s really hard to learn in the throes of an existing conflict.  

One day you and your partner will be able to generate your own rules for fair fighting, but before you can use your own skills of negotiation and fairness in relationships, try out these rules of fair fighting in a relationship to get you started.  

Rule #1- No Blaming

Blaming is one of the quickest ways to escalate any conflict. When we hear our partners blame us, we recoil and anger quickly. Ultimately blaming is projecting our own inability to take responsibility for someone else. Use these tips instead as an alternative: 

  • Don’t criticize.

When we criticize one another, we’re not turning towards negotiation and fairness in relationships. Fairness in relationships is built by our partners knowing that we won’t just criticize them. By limiting blaming your partner, you’re taking a stand that you value collaborative solution making. 

  • Use “I” language.

Tell them about your feelings by saying, “I feel ___ when I see you ___” By highlighting that it is your experience and feelings, they’ll be better able to hear you. 

  • Take responsibility often

Build your partner’s trust by making sure you take responsibility for your words and actions. By taking responsibility often, you model how you want them to treat you. They’ll be more likely to also take responsibility when they know you’re doing the same. Practice the skill often to build their trust that you will adhere to the rules of fair fighting in a relationship. 

rules of fair fighting in a relationship

Rule #2- Apologize

One of the most important rules of fair fighting in a relationship is to apologize. It’s all well and good that we can hear their experiences and feelings, but if we’re not willing to take the step and apologize, your relationship will struggle to blossom. 

  • Listen for how you hurt them.

To be able to apologize best, you’ll need to really listen to how you hurt them. Fairness in relationships isn’t just listening to respond, but listening to understand. You’d want the same treatment in reverse. Give them time to speak their piece.

  • Share what you heard and take responsibility.

An unfortunate roadblock in how to fight fair in a relationship is our inability to really hear one another. It can be challenging to hear experiences and feelings different from your own. Remember that their feelings are valid, and yours are as well. There’s space for two experiences in one relationship. Repeat their words back to them to practice effective listening and take responsibility wherever you can for your part. 

  • Share how you want to treat them instead. 

Genuinely reflect and think how you’d want to love your partner instead. Negotiation and fairness in relationships are built when you honestly reflect how you want to love them as much as they tell you how they like being loved. You cultivate fairness in relationships when you both share your ideal way of caring for one another equitably. 

  • Ask for forgiveness. 

This final step may seem small, but it’s pretty crucial. Asking your partner for forgiveness creates a polite request to move forward. When you state your intentions to earn their forgiveness and bid for it, your partner builds their trust in you to work through your issues with them.

Rule #3- Forgive. 

Forgiveness is one of the rules of fair fighting in a relationship that will actually help you get started on your new beginnings. If you consistently don’t forgive one another for mistakes and hurt feelings, you’re not building fairness in relationships. A fight takes two people to put down their weapons and renew their faith in the bond you have together. 

  • Show appreciation for their apology. 

Even if their apology is a bit rough around the edges, showing genuine appreciation for their attempt at repair shows that you care and we’re listening. You’ll both gain skills in apologizing along the way. Tell them what you appreciate about it and give them positive feedback for caring for you. 

  • Express genuine forgiveness. 

Really sit back and let their apology land. If it does miss a crucial element that you want them to take responsibility for, you can let them know, but don’t throw the entire apology into the trash. One of the rules of fair fighting in relationships is that we assume the best of one another. Work to hear what apology they did give you and release some of your hurt feelings with a hearty, “I forgive you.”

  • Don’t punish, and work to let go. 

It’s easy for apologies not to work, especially if you’re used to not using some of the rules of fair fighting in relationships. If they’re something you’d still like an apology for, simply tell them. Don’t punish them for what they don’t know. Work to truly let go of your ill will. If you hold on to your hurt feelings, they’ll only bubble up into resentment. 

rules of fair fighting in a relationship

Rule #4- Make Something New

One of the great things about conflict in a relationship is that it can actually be a great place to start something new. Conflicts aren’t a bad thing; they’re simply learning opportunities. Without conflict, we wouldn’t be able to create the relationships we really want in our lives. One of the rules of fair fighting in a relationship you’ll both need to learn is that “fights” aren’t the end. 

  • Get curious about what happened. 

After you’ve expressed genuine forgiveness with one another, it should be easier to be genuinely curious about what happened. We can assume that you or your partner weren’t trying to hurt one another, so if that wasn’t their intent, what was? Ask questions to understand, not to judge and learn more. 

  • Express what your dream relationship could look like. 

Take the time to share what you would like it to look like next time. Think of what would’ve felt good in the place of the unfortunate event. Tell your partner what you’d like to see from them, and you, next time this happens. 

  • Create a new shared vision. 

Work together to create a shared vision. It’s great that you have a dream relationship model, but remember your partner does as well. One of the rules for fighting fair in a relationship is that you have to make something new TOGETHER. You’ll need to learn about negotiation and fairness in relationships for this to work. 

These rules for fair fighting in a relationship are a great place for you to get started working together. Not every relationship is the same, and you may learn that you or your partner have nuanced rules or strategies. While you continue to work to build your relationship, keep writing down your own rules of fair fighting in a relationship together. You can have your own playbook for success in no time. 

Ultimately following the rules the both of you create together for fair fights will ensure you both spend more time loving one another just the way you deserve. 

magic tongue vibrator

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Popular posts

5 Must Have Sex Toys for Gay Men.

5 Must Have Sex Toys for Gay Men.

Everyone wants a partner who can make the stars seem brighter. We all want someone who leaves us glowing and panting. This might not be the case. That’s why we need something extra to spice things up occasionally. One of the best things to spice up gay relationships...

Explore more

Building New Connections: A Guide to Crafting Your Online Profile for Senior Singles.

In today's digital age, finding companionship and love later in life has been transformed by the internet. For senior singles venturing into the world of online dating, crafting an engaging and authentic profile is the first step toward building new connections. ...

Navigating Feminist Perspectives in Adult Entertainment And Pornography: A Closer Look.

In a world where discussions around feminism extend into every facet of society, it's crucial to explore how feminist perspectives are influencing and shaping adult entertainment and pornography. This closer look will delve into the nuances of navigating feminist...

From Stress Relief to Self-Care: How NYC Gay Massage Can Improve Your Well-Being.

Are you feeling the weight of stress dragging you down? In a bustling city like New York, where life moves at turbo speed, taking care of yourself often takes a backseat. But what if we told you that amidst the chaos, there's an oasis of relaxation waiting for you?...

6 Amazing Massage Oils and Their Benefits.

Your body gets many beautiful things from a good massage. It can be anything from receiving physical pain and tension to improving posture and mobility. Every good massage needs a great massage oil.   The oil used in a massage session significantly contributes to...

Mastering the Art of Lasting Longer in Bed: A Comprehensive Guide for Men.

One common concern that arises time and again is the desire to last longer during intercourse. While it's natural for men to occasionally struggle with premature ejaculation or simply aim to enhance their stamina, it's essential to approach this topic with patience,...

From Tokyo to New York: The Top Destinations on the World Map of Sex Cams.

Introduction to the world map of sex cams Step into a world where fantasies come to life and boundaries are pushed beyond limits. Welcome to the exciting realm of sex cams, where passion, pleasure, and play intertwine in ways you never imagined. Join us on a journey...

Guidance on Approaching Your Partner About Prioritizing Foreplay.

Foreplay is an important part of getting a good sex life, foreplay includes all kinds of behaviors to prepare for sexual intercourse, and promotes one's body to enter the sexual state more quickly. It is now widely recognized that foreplay includes activities such as...

7 Reasons Why the Best Adult Store Near Me is Online.

Today’s fast-paced world allows people to purchase anything from the comfort of their homes. If you are looking for an adult store near me, the best place to go is online. There are a plethora of reasons why people shop online for sex toys. The first obvious one is...

Body Oil for Sex – 7 Great Options to Choose From.

Nothing beats a good massage when it comes to feeling rejuvenated and relaxed. It’s especially during date night with your partner. Getting the best body oil for sex is a great way to take your sex night to a whole new level. You also get to create intimacy and...

5 Must Have Sex Toys for Gay Men.

Everyone wants a partner who can make the stars seem brighter. We all want someone who leaves us glowing and panting. This might not be the case. That’s why we need something extra to spice things up occasionally. One of the best things to spice up gay relationships...