“Time is free, but it’s priceless.” Work and personal commitments often get in the way of spending time with your partner, but if their main source of affection is quality time love language, neglecting their needs can have a negative effect on your relationship. Scroll down to find out how you can become fluent in this love language today.
What Is Quality Time Love Language?
In short, quality time love language is the primary language of people who believe actions speak louder than words. The 5 love languages concept is a theory created by Gary Chapman, who first introduced it in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. According to Chapman, everyone has a primary way of expressing affection. If your partner’s love language is quality time, they value spending time with you over any other form of affection.
While quality time might seem to be one of the main languages that most people use on a regular basis, many couples tend to be distracted and fail to fully focus on each other’s company.
How To Tell If My Partner’s Love Language is Quality Time?
1. They prioritize spending time with you.
Does your partner work long hours but prefer to spend some time with you instead of relaxing in front of the TV? Do they frequently make time to hang out even though they’re pretty busy? If your partner sacrifices their alone time or even responsibilities to be with you, it’s likely they need the same kind of appreciation to feel loved.
2. They favor actions over words.
Your partner might not be a person who showers you with words of encouragement, but you can see the value from the things they do for you, whether it’s planning a trip to cheer you up or a date without a special occasion. You just know they love you because their actions tell you so.
3. They’re the first ones to come up with holiday ideas.
The love language you give is most likely the love language you want to receive. If your partner takes pleasure in planning gateways and is the first one to come up with holiday ideas, they value spending quality time with you above all.
How To Use Quality Time Love Language With Your Partner?
Here’s how you can learn to value the time you spend with your partner:
1. Surprise them with a date.
While it’s important to spend some time with your partner regularly, quality matters more than quantity. An occasional date is a chance to stay in the honeymoon phase a bit longer and to increase your bond. In the first stages of your relationship, it allows you to learn more about your partner as well. You can surprise them with a bowling night and find out how competitive they are, or invite them to a gallery and see if art speaks to them on the same level as it does to you. Even adding a bit of variety to your routine can count as a date.
Here are some quality time love language ideas:
– Take them to their favorite restaurant after work
– Organize a short trip to a nearby city for a small gateway
– Organize a board game night
– Book a class and learn a new skill together
– Make meals extra special by setting the atmosphere with candles and your partner’s favorite playlist
– Take them for a walk and have a picnic
– Take a day off and tell your partner that day belongs to them
– Recreate your first date
– Plan a movie marathon
– Plan a cooking session
2. Show them undivided attention.
In the era of social media, it’s difficult to fight the need for receiving stimulation from multiple sources. If you’re guilty of looking at your phone when you’re watching a movie with your partner, or worse, at the dinner table, try to do a digital detox and separate social media from your romantic life. This doesn’t mean you have to stop posting those cute couple photos but stay away from the Internet when spending time with your partner. Ditching your phone will allow you to give them full attention and show them that you care what they have to say. Switch off your notifications and try to maintain eye contact instead. You might also try to reduce other distractions such as music or TV in the background. Imagine that every time you spend time with your partner, your connection either strengthens or becomes fragile, and try to value every second of that time.
3. Improve your listening skills.
Apart from interpreting what your partner has to say, try to communicate you’re listening with non-verbal body language such as nodding. Instead of focusing on how what they’re saying makes you feel, try to see and experience things from their perspective. Lastly, ask them questions to show that you’re listening and don’t interrupt them. This will let your partner know that you’re fully present and focused on them.
4. Improve your routine.
One of the best ways to practice quality time love language is by evaluating your routine. Ask yourself, how often does your partner take part in your daily routine? You might already share meals and showers if you live together, but you can always make things more special by adding a more enjoyable activity to your schedule. For example, you can learn how to meditate together or sign up for the same exercising program. Additionally, you could learn how to make routine less boring. For example, you can play a song you both like when cleaning the house and see who can come up with the best moves while completing their tasks. And if you don’t spend that much time with your partner because of work and other commitments, try to evaluate your schedule and see if you can improve your organizational skills to change that. Don’t be the person who no longer tries hard just because you’re feeling secure in your relationship.
5. Learn to be in the present.
Another problem with social media addiction and the need for constant stimulation is difficulty focusing on being in the present. To learn how to appreciate nothing but your partner’s company, remind yourself how much you care about them. You can practice this by listing what you love about your partner in your head or even writing it down on sticky notes and leaving them in your partner’s eyesight once in a while. Alternatively, you can keep a gratitude diary where you list all things and people you’re grateful for in your life. Remember, time is priceless, and if your partner decides to spend it with you, you should respond by being as invested as they are.
6. Be available in a crisis.
Sometimes quality time love language can be best expressed by letting your partner know that you’ll become available if they need you to be. When you notice your partner feeling down or going through a difficult time, ask them if they’d like to spend time together or if there’s anything you could do together to cheer them up.