Creating passion in your sex life, or rekindling passion in your marriage, can be very a very daunting task. For example, in a marriage where you have children, your daily conversations are most likely about your work, your tasks that need to be done, kids, or just other random things that are very mundane. Sometimes you may love your partner, but feel like the passion is just not there anymore. You may think that your relationship is doing well, but sex may be dropping, and things may not be as satisfactory and passionate as they once were. However, your partner may not even realize it! They may think that everything is totally ok, and that this is just a phase. Many couples have passion at the beginning of their relationships, but as time goes by, that passion dwindles. It can be hard to keep it flowing when we all have such busy lives. Intimacy takes the back burner.
Experts state that one of the most common reasons that couples lose their passion is because they develop a pattern of one partner pursuing the other, and the other becoming more distant. This creates a pattern of defensiveness and resentfulness, which can make for a lack of communication and happiness. In fact, this pattern leads to much higher rates of divorce in couples.
You can overcome this and rekindle passion by fostering emotional intimacy.
When you have a relationship that has a strong foundation with emotional closeness and emotional intimacy. Basically, you have to improve your emotional bond and connection before you can work on your physical or sexual relationship! By working to learn how to meet each other’s needs and communicate effectively, you will be more inclined to work with each other in other ways. If you want to work on the passion in your relationship, you must reconnect with one another. Being in tune with each other’s emotions can help you get through disagreements. It is imperative in relationships to show sympathy and love when you disagree, instead of becoming defensive.
Create a good rapport by conveying your positive needs! Instead of telling your partner what you don’t like, try to reinforce your feelings with positive needs by explaining what you do like and what you do need. This helps the listener of the need understand that not everything they do is wrong, and that they are not being blamed. Conveying happiness instead of complaints and criticism will open the doors to working towards success and having a more happy, positive relationship.
Now that we know how to communicate, how do we spice up our sexual chemistry?
When you first begin a relationship or marriage, you are in what many call a honeymoon phase. You are excited and your endorphins are running at higher levels. Oxytocin is also much higher during the infatuation stage, which helps you create a bond. However, as the relationship progresses, these levels tend to drop. You can reaffirm these feelings and hormones by incorporating more non-sexual physical touch. For example, making each hug and kiss longer than normal, or utilizing the art of sensual caresses to convey your physical attraction.
Your appearance changes as you age, which may make some men and women uncomfortable. However, this also leads to less passion in the sexual atmosphere, because you may feel self-conscious about your body. Try to focus on loving who you are, and working out regularly, as well as a healthy diet, to help you feel more confident in your own skin. If you are struggling with your own body, you are less likely to want to share it. So building your self-confidence helps to counteract this.
How can I bring passion back into my relationship?
Stop initiating sex as often!
This may sound counterintuitive, but trust us, it is not. If you continue to initiate and your partner says no, maybe you are coming on too strong. Instead, try to tell your partner how attractive they are to you, and allow them to try to initiate. Show them that you love them for more than sex, so they can feel that appreciation and love. Constant initiation may lead to them feeling like a sexual object more than feeling like your partner.
Focus on non-sexual touch.
Holding hands, kissing, and hugging can release oxytocin, the bonding hormone. This hormone can make you feel calmer and is also released through orgasm. Boosting this hormone helps you reduce your stress hormone, which is cortisol. Allowing your partner to feel your affection without the need for sex also plays a double whammy of creating a more safe and comfortable feeling relationship. When your partner feels happier around you, passion is sure to ensue! Try to give your partner a massage to allow them to decompress. Showing you care in non-sexual ways will only make them more thrilled about being with you.
Try to limit sex and allow for anticipation!
When you do not have sex for a while, that moment when you finally do it is just that much sweeter. So create some anticipation! Allow that reward to be more fruitful. It can even be as simple as prolonging foreplay, or building up the anticipation and passion throughout the day with sexy texts. This can help create more feelings of romance and passion.
Try not to talk about work in the bedroom.
Make your bedroom your romantic and sensual haven. Instead of laying in bed, talking about how stressful your day was, try to focus on sensuality and happiness. Your arousal levels go down when you are distracted, so this is a no-brainer.
Make time for date night!
Pleasure and passion go beyond sex, Have a date night, a dedicated time to each other that has no sexual pressure and allows you to flirt and reignite the spark you had at the beginning of the relationship.
Experiment with new things in the bedroom.
Try to add in a sex toy, sexy lingerie, or new positions. Bringing pleasure to each other in new ways will ignite passion and excitement, and allows you to learn more about each other’s desires and fantasies. You can try intimate sex, such as making love romatically, or try light BDSM. Move away from the routine, and make sure things are varied.
Sex should be a priority!
Try not to think about work and television first. Set the mood by having wine, a nice dinner, and some music you both enjoy. This shows that you are ready to focus on them, and vice versa.
Reigniting passion may seem impossible, but it definitely is not. With a few tips and emotional connection in mind, your relationship can rekindle the romance in no time!