As a parent, sex tends to go on the back burner with all of your focus constantly being on children. It’s seen constantly – couples becoming unhappy because their sex life dissapears, and they lose that physical connection. By the time the kids are asleep, you have so many things to clean, put away, and laundry or emails to respond to. Bed time becomes sleep time, and your routine of love making falls to the wayside. So how do you combat this and move back to spending quality physical time with each other?
Remember that you may need transition time.
If you’re a stay at home parent, you know how crazy the day can get. You run around all day, you are always trying to juggle kids needs and your own. Then, by the time your spouse gets home, they go crazy for dinner time, and seeing their other parent causes excitement. You’re always on your toes and playing many different roles. This can make it really hard to reconnect with your partner, since you’re constantly running around and unable to take a breath. Remember that everyone needs time to themselves throughout the day. For you, that may mean taking a shower, scrolling on your phone, or reading a book. When you give yourself a chance to connect with yourself, you’re better at being present for each other as well.
Scheduling sex is key.
We get it, scheduling sex takes out the spontaneity of it all. However, when kids are involved, scheduling makes it so much easier. It’s ok to lose the spontaneous factor if it means you gain a sex life again. Most people find scheduling sex to be boring and an anxiety factor can arise from planning. Remember that planning can enhance your sex life – by allowing you to intergrate sex back in to your life! You also may experience the anticipation factor. When you know that sex is coming, the build up and turn on right beforehand can be even more intense. Try texting your partner beforehand. If you schedule it on a Thursday, text them Wednesday about how excited you are. Wear your sexiest underwear Thursday, and surprise them with that! The change from the same old routine will spice things up.
Invest in good parents’ sex toys.
If you invest in a good dildo or vibrator, then even on nights you’re too tired to please each other, you can masturbate together. This may even lead to sex from the excitement of watching. Try a clitoral toy such as the Drusilla. This toy offers clitoral suction, and functions dually as an internal vibrator. Your partner will love seeing you turned on, and even using it on you. It is great to use during foreplay as well. Pick up a vibrating cock ring, and surprise your partner with it! It helps keep up stamina, and adds additional pleasure during sex as well. We’re all tired, but prioritising our sex life is one area we shouldn’t be lazy about.
Sex has so many health benefits, including stress relief. You may find that adding a toy and scheduling time with each other for intercourse changes your marriage. With less stress comes less arguments, more cohesive and quality time together, and even more connection. Don’t allow your bond to diminish just because you’re busy. Remember, with a better bond is a better sex life, and vice versa.