When we think of sex, we think of sexual pleasure and orgasms. But what if we told you that the act of being denied your orgasm could actually make your orgasms even more powerful? Enter orgasm denial. Your new best friend. So what is orgasm denial? This kink comes under the umbrella of BDSM play because it’s all about one partner having control over the other’s pleasure. The great thing about BDSM orgasm denial is that you can do it to varying degrees and in different ways.
But wait … what’s edging then?
Edging and orgasm denial may sound like the same thing, but they’re not. The goal of edging is to prolong your orgasm; you bring yourself to the edge of orgasm and then hold off. Many of us do this when we masturbate without even knowing it. We cycle through the power levels on our vibrator, and just as we’re about to orgasm, we go back to level one. That, my friend, is edging. But the goal of edging is to orgasm eventually. The goal of orgasm denial is to deny the person their orgasm altogether. However, orgasm denial may include edging to get the person to the edge of orgasm.
The benefits of orgasm denial
Investing time in any kink is time well spent: First of all, engaging in any kind of kink or fetish will bring you and your partner closer together. Or, if you’re single, it will bring you closer to you and your needs. There’s nothing more satisfying and fulfilling than investing time in a sexual fantasy that you really desire, whether you’re coupled up or single.
It helps build trust and faith with your partner: Handing control over to someone else is a scary thing to do, whether you’re teaching someone to drive a car, letting a nurse stick a needle in your arm, or allowing your partner to wax your bikini line. And handing over control in a sexual context requires a great amount of trust and faith in the other person; taking part in kinks that require one person to have more control than the other can be really beneficial. Note: You must trust your partner before you take part in any power control activities. Power play in sex just builds pre-existing trust.
It increases the power of your orgasms when you are allowed them: The thing with sex is that when we humans get the urge, we want it now! But great things come to those who wait. Going without an orgasm for an extended amount of time can make the big O feel even more intense when you do have it; this goes for if you are not being sexually stimulated or if you are receiving edging stimulation because, either way, you’ll be turned on. Going without an orgasm coupled with the power dynamic between you and your partner is an explosive combination for the brain.
It can spice up your mundane life: Okay, sitting in an office is not very sexy, but imagine wearing a chastity cage or belt under your clothes or knowing that your partner is wearing one? That’s hot! Because even if nobody’s having any orgasms, taking your sex life into the mundane parts of your life can really boost your mood. So next time the person sitting next to you at work seems a little happier than usual, there might be more to it than getting extra sugar in their morning coffee.
How to practice BDSM orgasm denial
There are many ways to incorporate orgasm denial into your sex life. Just like any kink, you can make it whatever you want it to be. If you want to just add it to your sexy time, you can. If you want to go all in and make it part of your day-to-day dominant/submissive relationship, go right ahead! If you are completely new to BDSM-style kinks, here are some tips on how to add erotic sexual denial into your sex life:
Have the talk about limits
The first thing to do is talk about each other’s limits. With any kink involving a control imbalance, it is crucial that the person with the most control knows the other person’s limits.
Foreplay with no finish
Orgasm denial doesn’t have to be a drawn-out thing at first; it can be as simple as fingering your partner and not letting them finish; it’s best to do this when they have to go somewhere. This way, they’ll be thinking all day about how close they came to the big O and desiring it even more.
Make edging foreplay the main event.
No, edging is not orgasm denial. But that doesn’t mean you can’t use it to drive your partner crazy! Instead of going straight for sex, spend all your sexy time teasing your partner. Tie their hands up–to the headboard if possible–and tease them however you see fit. Take your time and drive them crazy with your hands and tongue. If your partner has a vulva and you want to drive them wild, use a dual stimulation vibrator on them to add to the sensations. The Hestia U-Shaped G-Spot and Clitoral Vibrator is a great option for simultaneous pleasure. If your partner has a penis, there are plenty of toys out there you can use on them. At the beginning of your orgasm denial journey, go easy on your partner, especially if you use a vibrator on them. You want them to feel pleasure but not to the point where they can’t help but orgasm. Just as your partner is biting their lip with pleasure, stop. No matter how much they beg, don’t give in to them. End your sensual foreplay session and get on with your day.
Use chastity to deny orgasm.
After you have driven your partner crazy, make them wear a chastity device to prevent them from touching themself. The power play will turn them on and build their arousal all day. Leave them in the chastity device as long as you want and as long as their limits allow. Some dominants make their submissives wear a chastity device every day, while others make them wear it just once in a while. It’s really up to you! You could also make them wear a chastity device during the foreplay session mentioned in Tip 3.
Punish your partner if they orgasm.
If you want to go full-on with BDSM, you should punish your partner if they do orgasm whilst being denied. And the punishment should be agreed upon prior to engaging in orgasm denial. It could be spanking them a certain number of times, it could be making them wear a chastity device if they weren’t already, or it could be making them use a vibrator without coming for a whole hour. The key is that you punish your partner with something they agree on. Don’t crack out a whip if they told you they don’t want it to be used on them!
So there you have it. Now you know how to add orgasm denial into your sex life. Enjoy the power play. You won’t regret it!