Sexual Confidence 101: Learn to Love your Vulva.

Jan 15, 2022

The vulva is one of the most mysterious and objectified parts of the female body. Not everyone knows what a vulva is, and many people certainly don’t know what vulvas look like- even their own! And no, the majority of women don’t have the labia seen in pornography. If you don’t like yourself down there, this article is for you – you’ll learn how to love your vulva and why it’s essential to your happiness and sexual health to accept it as it is, as this is the keystone element in discovering sexual female empowerment.


Why Is it Important To Love Your Vulva?


Your life would definitely be easier if you didn’t have to worry about what’s between your legs. But what are other reasons worthwhile to learn how to love your vagina?


You’ll never be perfect.  


You probably have an idea of what a ‘perfect’ female body looks like. Even if your ideal image doesn’t fit all the beauty standards, it’s certainly influenced by them. Perhaps you even wish you could change some parts about your appearance, or you’ve been considering labiaplasty. But even if you had an unlimited amount of money to spend on plastic surgeries, you’d never win because beauty standards change all the time. Perfection doesn’t exist, and it’s much easier to love yourself than to battle your insecurities every day. Stop seeing sex as something you’re only deserving of if you look perfect. The only thing you should worry about is your own pleasure, and I’m sure it’s something your vagina does well. 


Hating on your body part can negatively affect your relationships


Disliking how your body looks doesn’t benefit anyone but companies who profit from your self-doubt. Imagine that you meet a potential match, and when things get sexual, you struggle to connect with them because you feel self-conscious about your body. They either think they did something wrong or that maybe you aren’t attracted to them. As they become distant, you see it as a confirmation that your vulva is ugly. Of course, this hopefully is an exaggeration, but you get what I’m trying to say. Having a poor body image doesn’t work in your favor.


Body confidence is linked to sexual satisfaction


If you embrace labia love, your sex life automatically improves because self-confidence allows you to relax and really give in to the pleasure. If you don’t believe me, look at previous research. For example, one study from 2010 found a correlation between body image, sexual functioning, and satisfaction. Don’t risk having to put up with unsatisfying sex life – learn how to love your vulva today.


ejaculating dildo

How Can You Learn To Love Your Vulva?


1. Learn your anatomy


How well do you know your anatomy? Have a look at the anatomy of your vulva and your reproductive system. Seeing your vagina in a non-sexual context and learning about its functions will allow you to stop focusing on its aesthetic qualities and appreciate it for what it does instead. 


2. Stop comparing yourself to others


Porn has its perks, but most videos are dedicated to men, so they tend to feature women who fit into a certain beauty standard. Remember that porn isn’t a reflection of what your sex should look like and that most porn stars go through surgeries to look good on camera. Additionally, there’s no such thing as ‘normal’ vulva or ‘ugly’ vulva, and it’s not supposed to look appealing. The only purpose of your vulva is to protect your sexual organs, not to encourage anyone to have sex with you. 


Instead of comparing your anatomy to other people’s, put your energy into connecting with your sexual needs. Next time you masturbate, try to focus on the way it feels instead of worrying about how your body or facial expressions might look like. Enjoy the touch of your fingers or the euphoric delight of vibrating toys as you focus solely on the pleasure and nothing else. Once you’ve become more comfortable, you can progress to masturbation in front of the mirror. The goal is to learn how to prioritize your pleasure over appearance and increase your sexual confidence.


3. Take time to get to know your body


Another step towards learning how to love your vulva should be getting to know your body in a non-sexual context. Stand naked in front of the mirror and allow yourself to explore it. Try to do it without judgment and if negative thoughts arise, tell yourself that you’re beautiful even if you don’t think so just yet. And don’t forget the labia love – talk to your vulva and tell it it’s good enough just the way it is.


love your vulva

4. Embrace body positivity


Body positivity has recently been a trend on social media, with influencers giving you advice on how to love yourself. But as their photos are often photoshopped, the message isn’t ideal. However, they do have a point. Life is too short not to love your body, especially since it has so many more functions than just looking good. You can give yourself a self-esteem boost by practicing positive affirmations instead. They are statements that convey a motivational message and can be repeated in front of the mirror daily. For example, you can tell yourself that you’re beautiful or that your appearance doesn’t define your worth. 


5. Watch Naked Attraction


For those who don’t know, Naked Attraction is a British show where a participant chooses their date based on the contestants’ body parts. As weird as the premise sounds, watching naked people on the screen can be therapeutic, mainly because it makes you realize that there are so many different body types out there. Unfortunately, unless you’re bisexual, your idea of how a female body can look comes from seeing yourself in the mirror or porn. And if one image doesn’t match the other, it can feel extremely self-conscious. Another great thing about the show is that participants don’t always choose the body type that we think is the most objectively beautiful. Yes, beauty standards do exist but so does personal taste. 


6. Check out Love Your Vulva book


It’s time to unlearn everything you’ve seen in porn and embrace diversity. Love Your Vulva is a book that celebrates the vulvas in all shapes and sizes. If you don’t want to spend any money, it’s worth turning to Google and searching for the Great Wall of Vagina project that shows you what different vulvas might look like. 


7. Make yourself angry


Are you angry? Well, you should be. Women are expected to conform to so many beauty standards; it’s almost impossible to preserve your individuality: getting your nails done, somehow remaining size 2, removing body hair… 


Learning how to love your vulva is almost like an act of rebellion, and going against what society says is normal can tremendously increase your sexual confidence. And if you think about it, your vulva only makes an appearance in intimate situations where your partner should consider themselves lucky to be with you instead of judging your body parts. If they care about what your vulva looks like or even if they simply don’t worship it as they should, it’s time to look for a new partner.


8. Find a support group and gain more confidence


Our worst insecurities often develop in childhood, and as they carry into adulthood, they make us feel less and less beautiful. If you’ve been feeling self-conscious about your vulva for a while, it’s a good idea to find an online group dedicated to women’s problems. There you can compare experiences and receive support from women who can relate to your struggles. If this doesn’t work, find your own source of female empowerment. This could be coming up with a mantra that you can repeat to yourself every day or taking up a new hobby that makes you feel unstoppable. 


Now, are you ready to love your vulva?


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