Are we boring, or just happy? 

You might find yourself asking this question at some point when you’re in a relationship. With movies and rom coms focusing so much on the ‘chase’, and the final moment of getting together, there is not much focus on what happens after you’ve got together with someone; the years after dating when you’re just coexisting together on the couch every Saturday night watching Netflix and shoveling food into your mouth. 

You might sit back and think: sh*tttt, where’s the fun gone? Are we boring? Are we where we’re supposed to be? Well, we’re here to tell you that you and your bae are not boring. Quite the opposite, in fact!

Healthy Relationship = Less Drama

When you’re in a healthy relationship, it means that you and your partner communicate well, so whenever an argument-prone topic comes up, you and your partner handle it without any drama. When I say drama, I mean the shouting, the passive-aggressive breakup threats, not listening to each other, storming out of the room, etc. 

People in healthy relationships are past this and communicate well to avoid the drama. If this is you, congratulations! This is not an easy milestone to pass in a relationship.

And although we don’t crave arguments in a relationship, we can’t ignore the fact that it does create a bit of excitement. Some people thrive off of shouting and constant makeup sex. But this isn’t conducive to a healthy relationship of course. And when you’ve reached the point of no drama in a relationship, you might ask yourself if you’re boring. No, babe, you’re just in a healthy relationship, wahoo!

Why a Healthy Relationship is Better

• You have a partner who will be there for you for everything that life throws at you

Being in a relationship where you both respect and love each other and communicate well is a great basis for everything that comes with being in a relationship: life. Your partner is your life partner whether you like to look into the future or not. So whatever life throws at you, you need to be able to rely on your partner for support and encouragement. 

• Building intimacy is much easier

Being in a healthy relationship allows you and your partner to build intimacy easier because the basis of the intimacy (the relationship) is calm and constant as opposed to erratic. And you can build intimacy in many ways, not just sexual, as there are many different types of intimacy. 

Suppose you’re constantly fighting in an unhealthy manner and don’t respect each other. In that case, this is no environment for intimacy to grow because you’re pushing each other away rather than coming together. And intimacy is all about closeness.

• Sex is better too

There’s all this talk about makeup sex, and listen, I get it. There’s nothing like a post-fight romp with your partner – occasionally. But when this forms the basis of your sex life, this will not build positive sexual intimacy.

When there is harmony between you and your partner, it gives you the confidence to explore sex together. You can explore both of your sexual fantasies, try different sex toys, swinging, and the list goes on. If your relationship is very up and down, subconsciously, you’ll be on edge for the next fight or negative scenario to crop up and won’t be able to reveal your true sexual self to your partner.

• You understand each other’s love languages

In a healthy relationship, you understand how the other person gives and receives love to be able to show them love in the way they best receive it, catering to all of the five love languages. This is amazing because it affects every other aspect of your life, including your sex life. If you’re choosing one person to be without millions of others, you want to know that they will love you the way you need. Knowing this information also avoids a lot of miscommunications and fights.

• You can do sh*t together without fighting

Couples in unhealthy relationships can fight over the stupidest things just because they don’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner. So they can ruin a perfectly good day out because one person says something to the other person that they don’t like, etc. When you’re in a healthy relationship, you got your communication sh*t together so you can actually do stuff together without fighting. Shock horror! Imagine that!

But a relationship can still be boring, can’t it?

Yes, it can. If you think that your relationship is boring because you don’t fight, please see above, but if you think that your relationship is boring because it doesn’t excite you, then read on.

How to Tell if Your Relationship is Actually Boring…

• You always do the same stuff together on your time off work. And you are so over it!
• You want to do something else other than what you’re doing with your partner.
• You are more irritable around your partner and resent them for an unknown reason.
• You envy other couple friends.
• You don’t want to have sex with your partner.
• You’re not as happy lately as you normally are.

Sometimes in a relationship, we can get stuck in a rut. And life just happens. Our finances can only stretch so far, so we can’t go on expensive date nights all the time. And there are only so many places you can go to for date nights in your town. So you end up doing the same stuff all the time. You are with the same person all the time, so when they walk into the living room, you don’t get butterflies anymore. And this is normal. 

However, if it means that you’re not excited about your relationship anymore, you need to spice it up a bit. Here are some ways you can make your relationship more exciting:

• Go on a date night. And do something different from normal.
• Turn the TV off at night and play a game or just have wine and a chat.
• Try something different in your sex life.
• Spend more time apart. This one seems counter-productive, but people who invest time alone on themselves have more to give back to their relationship. Plus, time apart makes you miss your partner.
• Get off of Instagram: Social media is the main reason we think that our relationships aren’t enough. Social media has a way of showing people’s lives through rose-tinted glasses – or should I say – rose-tinted screens. Stop idolizing the couples you see on Instagram and start imagining what fight they just had beforehand or what they do on a Saturday night. Their situation is probably similar to yours.
• Ask your partner questions you’ve never asked them before: You may just learn something new about them.
• Socialize together: In a couple of situations, it’s easy just to go out with each other. But why not go to an event or join a club together where you’re meeting OTHER PEOPLE. The confidence you gain from socializing while seeing your partner doing the same thing can make you see yourself and your partner in another light.

The Climax

Just because you don’t fight or have any drama doesn’t mean you’re in a boring relationship, darling. It just means that you’re in a healthy, respectful relationship. But if you find that your not as excited about your relationship anymore, then it’s time to act. 

Relationships – well, the majority of them – are long-term scenarios, so for your relationship to survive, you need to keep it fresh and exciting. After all, you are choosing to be in this relationship. 

The key to keeping it fresh is communicating openly with your partner and not letting yourselves get into too much of a routine. Of course, there are going to be things you like to do all the time at certain times, but in terms of your free time? Mix it up!