Identity crisis can be a genuine issue, especially for queer individuals who grow up in a heteronormative society. Self-identity can be established through exploring and committing to various domains of life, which leads to understanding who a person is and what he/she/they would want to be. Identity development becomes challenging when one’s outlook clashes with societal norms. Without a sense of self, a person will find it difficult to forge meaningful relationships with others as well as his/her/their self.

While many issues can challenge the identity formation of queer individuals, there are several ways these issues can be dealt with. Among the best ways to embrace one’s identity is through intimate exploration. This does not necessarily mean intimacy sexually. Rather, it explores intimacy as a means towards self-actualization, which queer people often rely on to come to terms with their identities. Feeling disconnected from one’s identity is something a lot of people struggle with because they lack personal intimacy.

In the following paragraphs, we will see how intimacy can be used as a tool to embrace identity, particularly for queer individuals. This sort of intimacy does not always require sexual connotations and can be explored alone or with someone else. Hiring an escort can be a safe and non-judgmental way to explore these complexities if existing relationships do not offer the necessary bandwidth.

What Is Personal Intimacy?

Usually, when we think about intimacy, we imagine ourselves with a partner. How often have we thought of intimacy in the context of ourselves? Personal intimacy can take on various forms, but in the simplest form, it is a radical form of self-care which is a reflection of your inner thoughts and feelings regarding who you are and what you want. As we can see, personal intimacy is therefore quite deeply related to one’s sense of identity, because, without a coherent sense of identity, it is not possible to know oneself.

Personal intimacy can be a difficult process to achieve because it involves facing a lot of difficult questions and placing oneself in tough situations. However, investing in personal intimacy is important because it helps us perceive how the world is around us, and how we matter in the big picture. It can be the ultimate tool meant for self-exploration, which ultimately forms one’s identity.

How To Embrace Personal Identity Through Intimacy?

Here are some ways in which you can intimately embrace your identity and be confident in who you are.

Connect with your body

Our physical body is the means through which we practice self-expression, and having a bad relationship with it can be a great disservice. The stigma surrounding our bodies can make us feel insecure and this can reflect in every aspect of our life. It makes us tense and unable to receive physical pleasure during sexual intercourse. The good thing is that we all can repair the relationship we have with our bodies as the first step towards accepting ourselves and building our identities. 

We can achieve this through self-love rituals, affirmations, mindset change and other holistic practices. Getting the help of a therapist can be beneficial in this case since the process involves a lot of unlearning and relearning.

Indulge in self-pleasure

Self-pleasure can be one of the most important gateways to connecting with yourself and your inner energy. It puts you at the helm, gives you complete control over your pleasure and proves that you are worthy of receiving pleasure. You can try out numerous sex toys or go the old-fashioned way and use just your fingers to explore all the sensations your body has been built to experience. Exploring your body will help you come to terms with it and appreciate it more.

Your goal should be exploring the process that is involved in self-pleasure, instead of only focusing on the outcome. A lot of people, especially queer individuals, have been shamed and stigmatized into feeling ashamed about their bodies and their sexual preferences. Exploring and indulging in self-pleasure can change that narrative and help them reclaim power over themselves.

Learn mindfulness

Mindfulness is the art of being in the present moment. Once you master mindfulness, you will be better equipped to live and focus on the present moment instead of procrastinating about the future or worrying about the past. In this way, you can handle and tackle the problems of the present moment without anxiety and self-doubt. If you are feeling nervous about exploring your identity, going into an anxious spiral is very natural. Mastering mindfulness will help you live in and explore that present moment so that you can address the issue at hand without influences of the past or presumptions about the future.

Be proud of your interests

Your individuality, and consequently, your identity, is influenced greatly by your interests and opinions. These attributes make you who you are, and naturally, form a core part of your identity. Be firm about what you like and dislike, what you believe in and support. Think of it this way, before you know who you are, you must experience what it is to be yourself.

Be vulnerable at times

It takes a lot of guts to go against society’s expectations and pursue our true feelings. So, why keep building walls around ourselves to hide our vulnerabilities? Are these vulnerabilities, not a part of who we are? Exploring our vulnerabilities and their limits is how we grow as human beings and add layers to our identities. Do not be afraid of being vulnerable, particularly in relationships. Pursue what you want with an open heart.

Learn to accept yourself as you are

We crave to be accepted by others, particularly those we love. However, do we accept ourselves as we are? If we cannot accept ourselves, how can we expect others to do the same? Failure to accept oneself stems from a gap in one’s identity, and it is natural to feel this way when queer people have constantly been told they are different from others. This leads to the birth of a voice of disapproval within us, which clashes with our identity formation. Learn to overpower that voice and accept yourself as you are.

Own your desires

A lot of people hesitate to own their desires because they feel ashamed to voice them out. This leads to an inherent identity crisis, where people are forced to act in a manner different to their true selves. Owning your desires is important because your desires are an important part of who you are, and you cannot own your identity while suppressing your desires at the same time. These include sexual urges and physical desires, professional goals as well as personal checklists.

For instance, if you want to try out a sex toy with your partner, instead of being ashamed to voice it out, bring it up confidently in a conversation because you deserve to explore your kinks and fetishes just as much as anyone else.

Be honest with yourself

Most people do not understand what it is like to fight an internal battle where you do not know who you are and how you are supposed to behave. This is why it is very important to maintain honesty with yourself. Many people, who are unsure of their identities, can get exploited in abusive relationships due to their propensity to agree to things they are uncomfortable with. Instead of this, start saying the truth. Being dishonest with oneself is one of the classic signs of facing an internal identity crisis.

Stop living in fear

Being queer is an inherent act of strength and change that this society desperately needs. It takes an enormous amount of courage to live a life differently from most other people. Living in denial of your true self, hiding your true identity from the world is a product of fear instilled in you by society. Break out of it. There is a whole community out there which will have your back. Be bold and reckless and make love to whoever you want.

Get help when you feel overwhelmed

Getting lost in the seemingly endless pits of what constitutes your identity can be very tough. It is always advised to talk to a professional regarding these nuances to get a more holistic idea of who you are. Many queer-friendly therapists can help you ask yourself the right questions to address your identity and make the process easier for you. Remember, you are not alone.

In Summary

The nuances of identity, gender, sex and love are difficult to navigate, especially for queer individuals. Intimacy can be the perfect channel to explore these nuances safely. Learn to embrace intimacy with yourself first and other like-minded people to help build a more inclusive and open society.