Despite today’s society being so sex-positive, it can be hard for some of us to fantasize. Actually … even to allow ourselves to fantasize. 

For whatever reason, some of us don’t have any (or many) sexual fantasies, and we’re here today to change that- because a life without being honest about what turns us on is just plain sad. 

You deserve to give yourself the freedom to be authentically you, and that includes your sexual fantasies. If you find yourself saying, “I have no sexual fantasies”, read on to find out how to let out your inner sex kitten.

Don’t Overthink It

Although today’s society is more positive toward women having an active sex life, there are still social norms and pressures that get in the way that makes us think a little bit too much. With anything in our Instagram-based lives, if something doesn’t follow what the majority seem to be doing, we call ourselves weird and literally force ourselves to like something else even if our hearts are not in it. 

So our first tip to you, my dear, is to stop overthinking it. Stop comparing yourself to other people, the social norms, and what porn is showing. All that matters is what you like. The rest is just background noise.

Find Some More Time for You

One of the main reasons that some of us don’t have any sexual fantasies is simply because we don’t give ourselves enough ‘me’ time. And I’m not talking about masturbation. Sexual gratification stems from making ourselves happy, and if we’re not investing enough time in just doing the things that make us happy, how can we expect to indulge enough time in sexual happiness? So schedule in some time in your busy schedule that’s just for you, whether it be for a solo trip to the mall or some more time in bed flicking your bean. Giving yourself more time = more time to fantasize.

Forget what your Friends and Family Think

The chances are that nobody among your friends and family is going to have the same attitude toward sex. So keep it to yourself! I tell my mother a lot, but she does not need to know about my sex life! I love my best friend, but I’m pretty sure different things turn her on compared to me. So I keep everything to myself and my partner. Normally it’s great to talk to people and discuss ideas when it comes to anything in life, but actually, sex could be the one thing in life that you don’t need advice on.

Read Erotica

Reading an erotic book is one of the best ways that you can allow your fantasies to run wild because it literally involves your imagination. And although the book is telling you what to fantasize about, it’s up to you how you interpret the words and the picture being created. This is the joy of reading. Everyone will have a different vision of what Christian Grey looks like, for example, despite the author putting across a vivid description. 

The words are there, but our imagination can still run wild. So grab yourself an erotic book – and I’m talking dirty – and spend some time imagining all of the different sex scenes. You’ll soon find that certain scenarios turn you on more than others—enter: your sexual fantasies.

Watch (Ethical) Porn

Porn can be really bad; it shows unusually large penises, women who seem to come instantly, sex where the pleasure is all about the man, etc. But it can also be great! There is some great ethical, woman-friendly porn out there, meaning high-quality videos that show realistic sex and realistic people who get paid the money they deserve. Have a search and browse through some ethical porn that interests you. You’ll find something eventually that gets you horny. 

Let your Fantasies Flow

When we’re masturbating or having sex, it can be easy to force fantasies on ourselves because we’re scared about what our real fantasies mean or we’re self-conscious about them. The trick to allowing yourself to fantasize is simply to let it happen. Whenever a mental block comes along that is forcing you into a fantasy that isn’t a bit of you, simply notice it and choose not to go down that path. Give yourself permission to indulge in whatever you want to fantasize about with no self-judgment. At the end of the day, it’s only going to lead to better orgasms for you, sooo …

Get Yourself a Sex Toy

Sometimes it can be hard to get ourselves in the mood with thoughts and fingers alone. So to get the party started, why not tease yourself with a vibrator or sex toy. Lock your door, get in bed, turn off the lights and just play with yourself. You’ll be fantasizing before you know it. Combined with reading erotica or watching porn, your body will be singing with pleasure. 

Talk to Your Partner

If you’re in a couple, it’s definitely worth talking to your partner about their sexual fantasies and indulging in them together. Their sexual fantasies might just become your sexual fantasies. But don’t force it, of course! If your partner is into anal sex, but you aren’t, that’s okay. But they also might tell you about a sexual fantasy you’ve never even considered before. Now, that’s where the fun begins. 

The Climax…

Sexual fantasies are not a catch-all thing. In fact, they’re so unique that you’ll probably never find two people with the same fantasies. They are also a very self-indulgent thing, which a lot of us don’t give ourselves permission to partake in. And why not? 

The world is opening up. It’s a lot more sex-positive, and we sure live in a self-indulgent world, don’t we? So give yourself the permission to fantasize. Stop projecting what society thinks you should find sexy onto your own sexual fantasies and allow yours to flow and blossom. May you have many sweet orgasms because of them too.