There are many things that people do on a regular basis: brushing their teeth, going to bed, waking up, going to work … and masturbating. Yep, female masturbation, flicking your bean, touching yourself – whatever you want to call it– is probably one of the only activities in life that connect us as women. Yet, for the longest time, we never spoke about it. It was this taboo thing that you did that you assumed that nobody else did. But, spoiler alert, everyone else was getting just as busy down there as you were.
With sex-positivity being the amazing movement that it is nowadays, the conversation on masturbation is opening up, and more people are starting to explore ways that they can pleasure themselves. And for many, the questions are: How do I masturbate properly? Am I doing it right? The issue– if there is an issue with masturbation– is that it is a very personal experience. Nobody is the same. So what works for your best friend might not work for you! It’s all about experimentation and working out what feels best to you.
That being said, there are some steps you can follow to make sure you get a good masturbation session in. Here’s how to masturbate properly!
Lock the door and get comfortable
If you live with other people, make sure to choose a time where you won’t be disturbed by them. And. Lock. That. Door.
If you live alone, then congratulations, you can touch yourself whenever you want, you lucky thing!
Next, get comfortable. For beginners, it’s good to start with the most comfortable place: your bed. Get naked and lie on your bed the best way you know-how. If you want to get under the covers fully, then do it. If you want to lie on top, then do that. There are no rules here. Try somewhere different like the bath or shower, or maybe even the kitchen floor for the more advanced people—your call!
Set the scene
Woah, there, girl, put down your vibrator! Masturbation starts way before you go down south. No matter if you’ve got a whole day to spare or just an hour, you need to warm your sex drive up first. Turn yourself on!
Read or listen to an erotic novel, watch some porn, or simply daydream about your hottest fantasies. Suppose you’re going to go down the porn route. In that case, we recommend watching ethical porn, which is porn that is made with everyone’s consent, pays the performers fairly for their work, and generally depicts sex in a more realistic, inclusive way, i.e., porn that isn’t centered purely on the male gaze.
Whatever you do to turn yourself on, take your time, and don’t judge yourself. Some people feel embarrassed about what turns them on, or they feel obliged to stick to ‘normal’ things, but you don’t have to! This is your time that nobody can interrupt, so why filter yourself?
Notice your body’s reaction
As you feel yourself getting turned on, pay attention to how your body is reacting. Are your nipples feeling erect? Are you feeling wet and hot down there? Feel yourself with your hands and really notice how you’re feeling. And most importantly, enjoy the sensation.
Caress your body
Masturbation means basically having sex with yourself, so it’s logical that you would do everything that a partner would do to you, right? Well, okay, you can’t go down on yourself, but you can replicate the sensations with a clitoral sucking vibrator. Now you’re turned on, you’ve noticed your body’s response, you are ready for the next step, which is to increase the touching.
Make love to yourself. This is your time to appreciate your body for what it is and what it does for you. Roam your hands all over your body– give yourself a massage if you want–and really feel every inch of your body.
Home in on the places that are the most sensitive; this could be your breasts and nipple area, your neck, your tummy, your thighs, etc. Spend some time just caressing and teasing yourself on these erogenous zones, further building your pleasure.
Head south
When you’re ready, it’s time to pleasure your vulva and vagina.
If it’s your first time really touching yourself down there, just feel around and do what feels good.
Insert a finger into your vagina and see how it feels; spread your wetness over your vulva and gently caress your clitoris to see how sensitive it is. There is no end goal for masturbation. Sometimes, half the fun is just literally touching yourself.
An orgasm is a bonus.
If you notice a certain motion feels good, keep doing it and feel the pleasure build. You may feel your body tense as the pleasure heightens. This is a perfectly normal response. Keep pleasuring yourself for however long you want. Don’t pressure yourself to have an orgasm because the more we pressure ourselves about the big O, the shyer the big O becomes. And if something hurts or doesn’t feel good, don’t do it. Simple.
For those seasoned pros out there, take your time. We know how it is. Once you discover how quickly a vibrator can get you to orgasm, you tend to rush to the finale. But don’t. This is your time to really enjoy yourself, so why rush it? Whether you’re using a vibrator or your fingers, tease, and edge yourself. You could even watch porn or read erotica while touching yourself and make a promise to yourself that you won’t orgasm until the end of the chapter or the end of the video.
- Pro tip: Don’t head straight for the clitoris when you start masturbating. Just like you, the clitoris needs time to warm up to the sensation, so focus on other parts of your intimate area first. And if you struggle to get wet enough down there, lube is a must! Even if you get wet easily, why not add some extra lubrication for some added pleasure?
How not to masturbate …
We’ve covered how to masturbate, and hopefully, you’ve gathered some useful tips. Now, let’s talk about how NOT to masturbate because, believe it or not, there is a time and a place for it.
- Don’t masturbate when you are overtired or overstressed: yes, masturbation does release a bunch of hormones that can relax you and make you feel great. So when you’ve had a long day at work, touching yourself might not be the worst idea. But if you’ve been up for 48 hours while your grandma was in the hospital, maybe just get some rest instead. You’ll be in a better place to pleasure yourself when you have at least a little gas in your tank. Sexual pleasure can’t run on empty.
- Don’t masturbate in a rush: your body’s sexual responses cannot be rushed. And generally, when you feel rushed, your body tends not to play ball. Late for work? Get your clothes on and plan a long masturbation session for when you get home.
- Don’t use bad quality sex toys: there are some great quality sex toys on the market, such as what we offer at V for Vibes. All of our vibrators are made from the highest grade, body-safe materials. Among most of the major sex toy sellers, you’ll see toys made of silicone, lucite, and even borosilicate glass, which are all body-safe. The materials to avoid are anything including jelly, PVC (plastic), and rubber. Generally, you can tell the good sex toys from the bad ones. If it looks cheap and plastic, it’s no good.
- Don’t forget to wash your hands and clean your sex toys: your vulva and vagina are sensitive areas, and any bacterial change down there can upset it. So make sure your hands are clean beforehand, and always thoroughly clean your sex toy after use.
At the end of the day, masturbation is a personal choice, and you should do it however you want to do it. If you follow the above steps and tips, you’re in for an explosive time!