Sexuality is a diverse subject. On the one hand, we talk about sexuality as our sexual preferences, but on the other hand, we talk about sexuality encompassing our entire relationship with sex and what turns us on.
Both definitions are relevant. However, I think the latter covers it the best. When we talk about getting in touch with your sexuality, what we’re really talking about is how you can get in touch with what makes you horny: who, what, how, where, when, etc. In this article, we’re going to give you some handy tips so you can get more in touch with your sexuality.
1. Let your Fantasies Run Wild
One of the best ways to get in touch with your sexuality is to allow yourself to fantasize. So many of us think that we should be fantasizing about certain things and almost force ourselves to masturbate over a threesome fantasy when it’s not our vibe at all. Sexual fantasies cannot be forced on you; they come from you. So the next time you’re masturbating or sitting staring out of your office window, allow your mind to wander to things that actually get you hot. And no fantasy is ‘too weird’. There are literally thousands of sexual scenarios to fantasize over, and someone else has probably shared yours at some point. And if you find yourself surprised or shocked about something that turns you on, don’t steer away from it. Instead, explore it.
2. Consume Erotic Content
Whether it’s erotic scenes in movies, straight-up ethical porn, or an erotic book, consuming erotic content has two benefits. Firstly, it turns you on, and, secondly, it gives you inspiration.
There’s no escaping the fact that many people do get a lot of ideas from porn; unfortunately, some people rely on porn to tell them how to have sex, but that’s a story for another article. You have to take erotic content with a pinch of salt.
You can’t assume that if you recreate the scenario in real life that it will go just as it did in the porn/movie/book, etc. What you can do, though, is take some of the ideas presented in your chosen content and use them as inspiration for your sex life. You might think that you’re not into threesomes, but have you watched a threesome porn film or read some erotic literature with a threesome scene?
You never know what might turn you on, and erotic content is a great way to explore different scenarios without having to physically do them and potentially have a bad time. You might also find that you go through phases of what content turns you on. Sometimes I love a good long read of a hardcore erotic book, stimulating my imagination, and other times I want to see the sex scene with my own eyes via a porn video. Go with your feelings, and you can’t go wrong.
3. Try New Things Out
After testing the waters with erotic content, your next step in exploring an idea might be to actually do it. This can sound scary and intimidating depending on what your fantasy actually is, but no matter what, you will never be alone in your quest to try things out because that’s what we’re all doing!
Whether it’s vanilla sex or a hardcore BDSM scenario, everyone is horny nowadays and wants to experiment. So if you feel intimidated at testing something out, just know that you are not alone.
A little caution PSA on testing scenarios out, though: Remember that you can always opt-out whenever you want, even if you’re right in the middle of the scenario. Your safety is key so if you’re doing something particularly risky that could cause bodily harm or even mental harm, have a safe word. Your sexual safety is also key: always use a condom unless you know your partner’s status.
4. Review your Thoughts after Testing Out a Sexual Scenario
After we have sex, it’s very easy to move on with your day and never think about what you did again. However, as a powerful component of sexual exploration, it’s a good idea to take a moment afterward to think about how you really feel about it.
Think of it as post-sex self-care. If you tried something with your partner, discuss it together. It might also be a good idea to have two post-sex discussions: immediately after and the next day.
For example, I felt one way when I went to a swinger’s club. Then the day after, after I had had time to think about what had gone down the night before, I had completely changed my mind. So don’t be afraid to leave it a day or two to let your thoughts and feelings settle. But do talk about it.
5. Do Things that Make you Feel Sexy
As well as exploring your sex life, there are actually vanilla things you can do to get in touch with your sexuality. Every person on this planet does a few things in life that make them feel sexy. For me, that’s dressing up and going out, socializing without my partner, working out, and speaking a foreign language. Generally, whatever makes you feel confident is going to make you feel sexy. So whatever makes you feel confident, do more of that!
Whatever clothes make you feel confident, wear more of that! Confidence is contagious, and other people find it very attractive.
The key to getting in touch with your sexuality involves a few factors: fantasizing, exploring, testing things out, and making yourself feel confident.
However, at the root of all of these things is one thing: being yourself. You can’t possibly explore who you are sexually unless you get rid of all of the ideas in your head that have been forced on you by society and unrealistic porn. Sexual fantasies and sexuality are totally individual, so don’t let the mainstream tell you what’s going to turn you on: only you can know that. Societal norms are just busy traffic in your head preventing you from getting to your true sexual self. So do yourself a favor and just let yourself… be yourself. Only then will you truly be in touch with your sexuality.