It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies; when things get difficult while you’re away from your partner, you can often find yourself wondering how to gain trust in a long distance relationship. Yes, trust is the basis of all relationships, and yes, it is very important that that foundation is solid for any relationship to thrive. But with the distance separating you and your partner is thrown into the mix, things can get complicated, and frankly, even messy! The famous saying goes, “absence can make the heart grow fonder,” but we all know how difficult long distance relationships can actually be for both partners.
Lucky for you, we at V for Vibes are here to break down the basics of how to build trust in a relationship, particularly a long distance type of relationship. It can get frustrating at times, especially if trust is a weak factor in your relationship, and with the distance between you and your partner growing, it can make room for doubt and suspicion.
This can lead to unnecessary conflicts and arguments and more friction between the two of you. Let’s also not forget how sexually frustrating it can be to have been separated from your partner – the nerves and tension that can be built up can express themselves in bitterness and anger. There are, of course, ways to deal with it. And dedicated to making this world a better, more accepting place, with more love to give and receive, we at V for Vibes believe these are some of the steps in how to gain trust in a long distance relationship.
Keep Each Other in the Loop
One of the best ways to communicate with your partner when they are physically away from you is to keep them posted about the things happening in your life, as learning how to communicate better in a relationship is the keystone to a healthy, happy relationship- long distance or not.
Are you moving away for college or a job? Let your partner know what your plans are, what your schedule would be like in the new city or town, or continent. One way to make this easier is to allow your partner a little bit of time to process the fact that you might be moving away, particularly if you two have been in a relationship for quite some time and have grown intimate and close.
Routine can be a very important part of your relationship, especially if you’re used to having your partner around. Distance between the two of you can cause disruptions to that routine, which can make things very difficult for you and your partner. This is why it helps to stay updated about your partner’s life while they are away, or for them to be updated about yours if you are the one moving away. It can help you and your partner share the things you two want in life and work towards making your dreams a reality by sharing the details of your days with your partner, a regular part of your long distance relationship.
Try to stay in touch as frequently as you can – even doing as little as just sending a text before you’re heading off to work can help your partner feel at ease about being physically distant from you. Not only does it keep things clear, removing room for doubt, it can also be heartwarming to receive a text from your partner who is miles away that they’re thinking of you.
Let them Know when Things are Changing.
Since routines might become very important for you and your partner in a long distance relationship, it is expected that any changes to them will cause some disturbances. This is natural and expected, but what you can do to make the change a little bit easier to transition into is to let your partner know a few days in advance before the change is implemented.
If you’re changing jobs while you are away, or if you’re taking on a new position, or even if you thought you were staying in but got invited to a dinner or for drinks with your colleagues or friends, it would be reaffirming to let your partner know of the changes made to your schedule. Of course, this does not mean that you develop unhealthy ways of attachment and need that update as a constant part of your relationship, but just that it is a step in making your partner feel important, loved, and remembered, especially while you’re away.
It can be upsetting if a sudden change of plans is introduced during your day when you are looking forward to nothing more than sitting down at the end of your day to talk to your partner. It can be frustrating to think of how little time you get to spend together while you’re apart. Keeping your partner updated during this difficult period of time is one small step in reassuring them about your faith and commitment to this relationship and them, and overall catering to both love and trust.
Manage Expectations by Communicating
When you update your partner on your decisions, routines, and schedules, it can be a sort of gateway into managing your expectations along with theirs. Nothing hurts more than feeling like you have been stood up or replaced by another person, event or object at the last minute when you had plans with your partner. But of course, it can’t be easy to constantly be in touch while you’re in different places, so the middle ground in this situation would be to communicate clearly when you do get the chance.
If you’re in different time zones, work out a time that suits both of you and communicate clearly about what your expectations are. Sure, you might have had some discussion about what your plans would be vaguely before you or your partner moved, but it is important to keep updating those expectations and managing them to mitigate pain and hurt.
The one sure-shot way of doing that would be to be clear about your expectations once you move or your partner actually leaves for the new city or town. It is good to revisit the expectations you set simply to decide whether they can still be implemented with any new information you gather once you do move. It can also give you and your partner to rework your expectations and process negative feelings before letting it blow up into something bigger than it needs to be. Consistent sex talk helps to build trust surrounding this difficult aspect of long distance relationships.
Leave Suspicions Out of the Relationship
It can be very tempting while your partner is away to think of all of the horrid scenarios possible – it’s human and natural to allow doubt to get the better of you. It can be a destabilizing time, being away from your partner, and in these moments of vulnerability, doubt and insecurities can creep into your mind and cement the root of several issues in long distance relationships. Trust is one way to beat this pattern of doubt and suspicion, and leaving suspicions out of things is vital in how to build trust in a long distance relationship.
It can be very difficult to keep faith, and maintain your calm when you or your partner are unable to see each other in person, so to make up for that, you must learn to leave suspicion out of the relationship. If you have a question or doubt – which is very common and very human and is completely okay to feel – you should try asking your partner or talking it out with them. Not only does this give them room and time to reassure you of their feelings, but it can also help you see a more honest and clear picture of who your partner really is, as opposed to the image you have of them in your head owing to your insecurities and doubts.