How to Flirt: A Step by Step Guide.

Oct 7, 2021

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the thought of having to flirt with people? Do you struggle with figuring out how to flirt with someone you’re genuinely interested in? If the answer is yes, then first take solace in the fact that you are not alone.

Almost everyone who sets out to find meaningful connections does so by putting themselves out there and being at least a little vulnerable. Fear and nerves are part of the process, and it’s okay to acknowledge those feelings.

You may be one to overthink things or perhaps obsess over minute details. Maybe you’re conscious about how much or little you’re talking or what parts of yourself you don’t want to reveal. Feelings of insecurity may also come to the fore and compel you to alter your behavior or shut down.

These, and a whole host of other responses, are pretty commonplace. Once you acknowledge what you struggle with, you can get on track to alleviating that pressure and learning how to flirt with confidence.

Of course, you will have heard much talk of methods of flirting catering to the other; advice centered on what this or that gender “really” wants or how to “get” someone in “this” many days. We would like to move past those gendered cliches and the obsession with appealing to the other while flirting. So here are our best suggestions for how to flirt with someone you’re interested in:

Be Honest and True to Yourself

One of the significant sources of flirting-related anxieties is our obsession with how we are presenting to the person we’re seeing. When you’re on a date, you could easily get caught up in spirals of negative thoughts. Am I too loud? Does my outfit look okay? I hope they don’t think I’m boring.

These spirals can force us to modify our behavior and our thoughts and tense up. Being honest about who you are and remaining true to yourself prevents you from going down that rabbit hole. You don’t need to change who you are to appease the person you’re interested in. If you click, it should come naturally, and if not, then they just weren’t compatible, and that’s okay too. After all, there are fine lines when it comes to changing yourself for a relationship, and these lines are drawn immediately when you begin to flirt, as well. 

how to flirt

Make Eye Contact

One of the best ways to show your interest in someone is to maintain a healthy amount of eye contact with them during the conversation, a keystone element to body language. Again you don’t have to focus on what your expressions are like or how much you’re tilting your head.

Just let it come naturally as if you were having a conversation with another person (because that’s all you’re really doing). Making eye contact while talking and especially while listening shows your date that you’re paying attention and engaging with them.

Body Language

Your body language can give away a lot about how you’re feeling without you having to express it verbally. In general, the calmer and more comfortable you feel, the more that will show in the way you’re conducting yourself.

Don’t let your nerves tense up your body, nor do you need to feel embarrassed or conscious of it. Operate how you would when you’re in other social settings.

Once you feel comfortable enough, it’ll begin to show confidence as well, and that is right up there in the list of most useful flirting traits.

Listening as Much as Talking

A great way to express interest in someone is, of course, to be a good and effective listener. Talk to them about their life, take an interest in the topics that come up, and maybe even relate them to your own feelings on the matter, wherever you find common ground.

The key is to roughly spend the same amount of time listening as you do talking. You may tend to get caught up doing too much of one or the other, and the imbalance rarely works.

The bonus of being a good listener is that you’ll find the flow of conversation more natural and have much more to talk about. Having said that, it is just as key to put yourself out there as well. Reveal parts of who you are openly in conversation so your date knows more about you. Wanting to share more of yourself with someone is a great subtle way to express interest. Want to know how to be a better listener? As always, we got you covered!

how to flirt

Be Empathetic

Showing empathy with the person you’re into can be a great way to make them feel heard. If they’ve shared the story of a difficult time in their lives or perhaps shared a vulnerability, make sure you give them a space to talk about how they feel.

Wherever you can relate to them, respond in a way you would like someone else to do for you. Being empathetic and creating a space for them to be honest doesn’t just show your feelings towards them but will also allow you to feel more comfortable on the date, and perhaps find a truly meaningful connection. Empathy and how to flirt go hand and hand, so ensure ample amounts of this personal trait. 

Be Positive and Encouraging

This is perhaps the easiest of the steps. Leave any and all pessimism at the door.

When you’re going on a date or in a situation where you might want to flirt with someone, being in a negative frame of mind can be a significant barrier. If you’re feeling pessimistic, unhappy, or drained, that should not spill over onto the person you’re seeing.

Being encouraging about their aspirations or fears is a great way to flirt! If they share their feelings of anxiety or nervousness, giving them an affirmation might help them feel a lot better. This may also be a good time to slip in a cute compliment, though this should never be forced. You don’t have to find something specific to compliment. Just tell them something you like about them, and don’t be embarrassed to say it. Chances are they’ll appreciate it far more than you thought.

Showcase Your Funny Side

Humour is definitely one of the best ways to flirt with someone and to clear the air of tension that usually surrounds these situations. And it honestly doesn’t matter if your brand of humor doesn’t come across as the “suave” crisp retorts you’ve seen in the movies. You can be as quirky, silly, or witty as you are and not have to stress out over whether that’s appealing. 

It’s a part of you, and it’ll appeal to the right person. Don’t be afraid to try out new things, too, with your humor when you’re talking to the person you’re interested in. Who knows, maybe something will click and create the room for more conversation from there — it can just be enough to get the ball rolling and to show them you’re interested. What’s a better opener anyway than making someone laugh and using your humor to start a conversation? 

Whichever route you choose to take when you begin flirting with someone, make sure that you’re showing enough effort, enough creativity, enough complexity, and mystery to get them hooked and wanting to get to know you better to really get the art of flirting right. Whether it works is dependent on the strategy you use and the person you are talking to, and what moves you make in the order you choose to make them in. Just remember that it’s okay to not know exactly and figure it out as you go along — don’t be afraid to experiment with new things! 

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