Even though you might still desire your partner, sexual tension doesn’t feel like it used to once you’re past the honeymoon stage. But it doesn’t mean that you should give up and see it as a closed chapter. 

Sexual tension is extremely important as it can make your sex life hotter and your bond stronger. Without it, you might become sexually frustrated and drift away from your partner.

Here’s how to build sexual tension in a relationship:

1. Try Dirty Talk

Being desired is one of the biggest turn-ons. When you engage in dirty talk with your partner, you already know you’ll get physical, but the question is when and how. 

It’s the anticipation that makes it so exciting so try to prolong it with a bit of naughty talk. For example, you can send him voice messages that describe what you’d do to him and make sure to make frequent phone calls if you don’t live together. If you’re running out of ideas, the easiest way is to use phrases that start from “I want you to…” or “I wish you…” and go from there. A good idea is also leaving him notes around the house or slipped into his pocket.

2. Try Sexting

If you know your partner is away for a few days or simply stuck at work, make things more (or less) pleasant for him by sending him risky pictures. They don’t have to be overly sexual, but you can pair them up with a few suggestive messages. 

For example, “I wish you were here” combined with a glimpse of your legs or cleavage can be enough to ignite his senses and build a sexual tension that lasts for the rest of the day. But remember to enjoy the process itself. Sexting is a great way to let the tension build up and make the intercourse more satisfying, but you don’t want to rush it too much and feel uncomfortable. Let both you and your partner wait for the culmination and see it as a way of deepening and exploring your connection.  

3. Tease Him

Once you’ve mastered both dirty talk and sexting, it’s time to have a go at teasing your partner a bit more. If he’s in a work meeting, make sure to flood his phone with naughty texts or videos. Even if he doesn’t open the messages, a notification will be enough to trigger his imagination. Next time you have sex, make sure he’ll think about it long after you’re done. 

For example, you could make him have sex in his uniform and then send him a playful reminder when he’s at work. Or you could have sex on the table before your friends come over for dinner to give him something to think about. 

You don’t have to look far for inspiration; refresh your memory with erotic movies to learn a trick or two. You can even reenact the scene from Basic Instinct – this one never gets old. And don’t forget all the subtle things you can do to provoke him. For example, lick your fingers after eating crisps and make eye contact smiling innocently, wear skimpy clothing around the house and walk barefoot – show off that red nail polish. 

4. Try to be Physical without Sex

If you’re attracted to someone, especially if you’re still new to the relationship, everything they do might seem sexual; even just kissing is enough to make your pulse quicken. But if you jump from a non-sexual touch to sex all the time, you won’t be able to appreciate building sexual tension and maintaining it. The solution is trying to spend more time being physical with your partner without it leading to something more. For example, you can practice combining cuddling sessions with passionate kissing that doesn’t end in putting hands down each other’s pants. Similarly, when you say goodbye to him, you can hug him longer than usual, just enough to make him crave more and save the best for later.

5. Make an Effort to Surprise Him More Often

If you’re wondering how to build sexual tension in a relationship, the easiest way to reignite the old fire is to make more effort than usual and be unpredictable. If it’s been a while since you experimented with your partner, it won’t take much to make him anticipate your next move. For example, you could buy a new outfit that reveals more of your skin than usual or sexy lingerie and leave a note that says; “I have a surprise for you tonight”. 

When you finally get down to business, try not to follow the same old patterns. Surprise him with being either more tender or bolder than usual or role-play a character. If your partner is on the adventurous side, you can also initiate sex when you’re in public. For example, you can touch his inner thigh when you’re driving or stroke his leg at the restaurant to make his pulse go up. Both novelty and excitement will guarantee you’ll experience sexual tension as intense as in your earlier days or maybe even more. 

6. Schedule Sex

On the other hand, you can also set aside time to have sex as it will make the sexual tension more tangible. If you look forward to something that will happen in the nearest future, you’ll struggle to stop thinking about it. As your imagination runs wilder, the tension will become more and more intense, and the release will be incredibly powerful. And don’t forget to send your partner a message saying that you can’t get your hands on him to spice things up even more. 

 7. Improve your Foreplay

You should also build the tension once you’ve already taken your clothes off. One way to do that is by giving him a lap dance as an appetizer. There’s nothing more pleasurable and frustrating at the same time than having someone grind on you without being able to touch them. This will make him go crazy with desire and make you feel empowered at the same time. Another way to prolong sexual tension in a relationship is to try edging. Instead of moving from foreplay to quick penetration, learn how to savor every physical touch and don’t allow your partner to come too soon. Explore your bodies and see how long you can resist the desire for. 

8. Don’t Wait for Opportunities; Make Them!

One of the reasons a lot of couples aren’t sexually satisfied is because they focus on finding the time and place to have sex instead of paying attention to all other aspects of their sex life. If you often feel horny when your partner is busy, don’t shut these desires down and act on them. 

Building sexual tension in a relationship is even more important than sex itself as it dictates how satisfying it will be and allows you to connect with your partner more. Next time your partner refuses to have sex for whatever reason, masturbate in the meantime and let your partner know that you’re thinking about him. This will help you slowly build the tension for next time and prevent you from feeling like your needs are being neglected.