how to become a swinger

On a Real Note: How to Become a Swinger.

More committed couples than you expect indulge in swinging. Some couples partake in swinging once in a while to spice up their sex lives. Other couples swing on a regular basis, some with certain people. There are even swingers’ holidays where you can get a tan on the beach by day and swing by night. This all sounds like fun, right? True, it is. However, you can’t just jump into swinging. There are lots of factors to consider before you even step foot in a swingers’ club. Here’s how to become a swinger:

Communicate with your partner.

Before you, as a couple, can start swinging, you need to have ‘the chat’. Sit down with your partner and talk to them openly about swinging. Ask them if it’s something they would like to do and, if so, what their limits are. Do they want to only try it once or regularly? What sexual acts are they okay with you doing with other people? Do they want to watch? Do they want to do things separately? Every single detail is critical. Before entering a swingers club, you and your partner need to be on the same page. You need to know what you can and can’t do according to the agreement made between you and your partner. Need tips on how to communicate better in a relationship? As always, we have you totally covered. Just visit the linked article to reap the endless rewards of ample communication, whether you are swinging or not!

Trust.

Swinging is a form of non-monogamy, so it is important that you and your partner trust each other entirely. If you’re going to question your partner’s every intention in the swingers club, there’s no point being there. The idea of swinging with your partner is that it’s a safe space in which you know you love and trust each other, but you also have the freedom to have fun with other people. If you don’t trust your partner, you probably shouldn’t be getting into swinging. The jealousy will drive you crazy. 

We should note that a little jealousy can be good – most people get into swinging because they get off on the jealousy they feel when their partner is playing with someone else. How do you know if your jealousy is good or bad? If you feel good whilst also jealous, you’re on the right track. If you feel like you want to rip your partner’s penis off whilst jealous … that’s the wrong kind of jealousy.

Learning how to build trust in a relationship is a keystone element to any relationship, swinging or not, so make sure you are taking the time to work on this potent emotion. 

Research.

Before you invest your time in any kind of sexual fantasy, it’s a good idea to do some research first. You could even make an evening of it with your partner. Pour a glass of wine and sit down together with your laptop. There are plenty of forums online where you can gather information, and you can, of course, look up where your local swingers club is. Most swingers club websites provide detailed information for beginners; what to expect, what to wear, etc. You could also try joining a swingers dating site and chatting to other couples about swinging. You may even make your first swinger friends! With all this talk about a sexual fantasy, you might find that your night of research turns into a night of something else … you’re welcome.

how to become a swinger

Start slow.

The best policy for any sexual fantasy or sexual kink is to start slowly. Sure, you might fantasize about going to a swingers club and being the star of a gang bang while your husband gets sucked off by another woman, but going in hardcore like this could be a shock to the system. We all have various fantasies, some we want to act out and some that are better in our imagination. So how can you possibly know if you would enjoy swinging in real life? Try kissing other people in front of each other. A good place to do this is a nightclub. Go to the club, act as if you’re both just friends and dance with other people. Dancing might lead to grinding and then maybe a kiss or two. Agree to meet at a certain place in the nightclub and report back to each other on your experience. The day after, having had more time for reflection, talk to each other again about how you found the experience. Now is the time to express any doubts you have.

When you go to your chosen swingers club or swingers party, take things slow. Treat it like any other club or social meeting – ignore the fact that you can see that woman’s nipples and the fact that her husband is only in his boxers. Get a drink, relax, and get talking to other people. Apart from sex, people go to swingers events to socialize, believe it or not. Regulars at the club are, more often than not, friends, so they probably want to chat a bit before any sex happens. They’re not just in it for the sex like some people believe! If you find a couple you both vibe with, it might lead to something more. Go with what feels good. If it feels wrong and you don’t want to have sex with them, just say no. 

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Check-in with each other.

Communication doesn’t stop when you enter the swingers event. Make sure to check in on each other to make sure you’re okay. And if one of you is not okay for some reason, the other partner should be understanding toward them. You may agree to start swinging in the beginning but then suddenly have doubts when you’re at a swingers club. And that is completely fine. Anything to do with sex and non-monogamy is flexible. You can say no at any point. And if your partner says no, you must understand how they feel. This is key.

Be safe.

The best thing about being monogamous is that you can rely on other forms of birth control other than condoms. But if you want to try out swinging, make sure you use condoms every single time you have sex with someone other than your partner, whether that’s vaginal or anal. You don’t want to risk catching anything and giving it to your partner. If you’re a guy having sex with a woman in a swingers club, you might not know what kind of birth control she is on, so it’s all the more important to use a condom to avoid any accidental pregnancies. Think BSBS: Be Safe, Be Sexy.

Leave your inhibitions at the door.

The best way to have fun while swinging? Forget about all of your insecurities, embarrassment, and worries. Everyone is there to have a good time. Just let it all go and embrace the experience. If you end up finding out it’s not your cup of tea or coffee, then that’s fine. You had one night to remember! If you end up loving your experience, fantastic.

Final note:

Swinging is not for immature people. If you go about swinging maturely, it can be very fulfilling. Take the above tips into account on your swinging journey, and you’re sure to have a positive experience, whether you decide swinging is for you or not! Regardless, we love that you are open to embracing your sexual fantasies, and we are always here to help in any way we can along the journey! Want to test out swinging before giving it a go? Just grab your ejaculating dildo to ‘recreate’ this fantasy without the need for another human being.