How to be Dominant in Bed: The Nature of a Dom.

by | Feb 19, 2022 | Sex Education | 0 comments

Being a dom can be highly alluring: it gets you sexual favors and puts you in control. But it’s also a lot more than that. 


In this article, you’ll find out what being dominant means, why some people might prefer it to submission, and how to be dominant in bed and in your daily life.


What Does Being Dominant In Bed Mean?


While a sub puts the dominant’s needs first and the dom is in charge, they shouldn’t be selfish. On the contrary, they should have their sub’s best interest in mind and make sure they’re both sexually and emotionally satisfied. A true dominant respects their sub’s boundaries and exerts power over them in a manner that’s both strict and caring. A dom can take on many roles, such as a daddy, master, sadist, owner, etc. 


Why Are Some People Dominant While Others Aren’t?


While it’s typically men who are dominant, a lot of women might prefer to be in charge. Apart from it being a preference, here are some other possible reasons: 


 1. People like feeling in control


Life can be pretty unpredictable, and sex might often be the only instance in which you can have total control over the outcomes. For people who might feel lost or vulnerable, being dominant in bed is a great way to regain some of the confidence and feel more secure in their lives.


 2. It might have something to do with their upbringing


Many girls are taught that they should always be obedient and polite while boys are allowed to misbehave. Lack of assertiveness and confidence can take years of work to improve in adulthood but can be more easily reversed in a sexual context. 


 3. It might be a way to deal with difficult emotions


While the dominant/submissive dynamic is so much more than having aggressive, hardcore sex, the dominant often gets to inflict pain and punish their sub, which can be a way to express emotions such as anger. You can call it taking out frustration on someone but in a controlled setting where both benefit from it. 

how to be dominant in bed

 Why Is Being Dominant Empowering?


Becoming a domme can be a big commitment that requires time and can be emotionally exhausting and frustrating. Before you start learning how to be dominant in bed, consider if these benefits resonate with you first:


 1. It brings you out of your comfort zone


 A lot of women might find the idea of taking charge stressful, at least until they’ve tried. However, it’s important to get out of your comfort zone once in a while as it allows you to boost your confidence and helps you learn about what you like in bed. Who knows, you might realize that being dominant in bed actually gives you more rush than submitting. 


 2. It allows you to go against societal expectations


There’s never any reason you shouldn’t spice things up with a little rebellion. Women are typically seen as submissive and are expected to obey, especially in a sexual context. Ask yourself, have you ever seen porn where a woman dominates a man that isn’t titled ‘dominatrix’? And there are still very few porn videos that explore this fetish. It doesn’t take much to flip the script. Sex is supposed to be consensual, so both you and your partner bend the rules when you engage in this kind of dynamic. 


 3. You get to surprise people


Since most people you encounter will assume you’re submissive, you can easily prove them wrong. 


 4. Acting true to your desires is empowering


Life’s too short to pretend to be someone you’re not. If you enjoy being dominant, you deserve to fulfill those fantasies and have your needs met no matter what other people think.


 5. Being dominant isn’t just physical


While spanking sex and choking can be definitely a part of the deal, being dominant extends beyond the bedroom. As a dominant, you get to order your sub around and often control important aspects of their lives. Having this much responsibility can be empowering, especially if it’s not something you experience in everyday life. 


How Can I Become More in Tune with My Dominant Side?


Learning how to navigate this dynamic takes time. Here’s how to be more dominant:


 1. Share your desires with your partner


Tell your partner that you’re interested in BDSM and research the topic to find the dynamic that suits your needs the most. Once you’ve agreed on what you both like, you should discuss your boundaries and things you’re willing to try.


 2. Start small


After you’ve spoken to your partner, you can start incorporating the new dynamic into your sex life. However, you should start small to really ease into it and make sure both you and your partner are on the same page. 


For example, you can start by initiating sex, choosing positions on top, and telling your partner what to do. You should get used to taking charge outside the bedroom too. Instead of asking a partner what he wants to do, tell him you’re taking him out for dinner. Make him perform simple tasks for you such as running you a bath, making you tea, or washing the dishes. 


The key is to get used to firmly voicing what you want instead of asking for it. You can also practice this outside of your relationship. It’s possible to be polite and assertive at the same time, so instead of asking your boss, “Do you think I could take days off?” say “I’d like to take some days off”. 


 3. Look the part


Even if you’re not feeling confident, trick yourself into believing that you are. While wearing dominatrix clothes might seem too stereotypical to some, it can be a great confidence boost that can help you get used to the new dynamic.


 4. Consider buying sex toys


For a lot of women, it might be difficult to play a dominant role knowing that their partners are most likely stronger than them and could overpower them if they wanted to. This is why you should invest in sex toys


Gadgets such as handcuffs or blindfolds can make the scenario more realistic and help bring out your confidence. They’re also great tools that can help develop trust between you and your partner. For example, when you’re using a toy such as a spanking whip, you have to make sure you communicate well and monitor your partner’s reactions. 


Remember to talk about the experience afterward to ensure nobody’s boundaries were crossed. It’s important to be as honest as possible with your partner because a dominant/submissive dynamic is largely about becoming attuned to each other’s needs and learning how to fulfill them. Simply following a script won’t be enough. 

spanking sex whip

 5. Join a kink community


If you’re serious about becoming a domme, it’s important that you take advice from pros. Joining a community online will allow you to browse the forum with plenty of threads where people share their BDSM experience. You can also connect with users directly, and they’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have. And if you want to learn more about this and many other sexual topics, visit our sex blog for in-depth sex education! 


Colorful Sensuality: Why are Many Sex Toys Purple?

I've come across different sex toys, and sometimes I wonder, "why are so many sex toys purple?" I'm sure this has crossed your mind, too, no?   Is it because purple looks pretty? Or is it more sensual than other colors?   It is not a secret that purple...

Should You Buy Sex Toys from Amazon?

Should you buy sex toys from Amazon? Yeahhhhh.... NO!!   If you are not living on the moon, you definitely already bought something from Amazon. We order almost everything from Amazon, right? So it’s natural that many people look for vibrators and sex products on...

Quickie Fun: 10 Quickie Ideas.

Sometimes, you have limited time to have sex. But a tight schedule doesn’t mean quickie sex has to be anything less than satisfying. I know you and your partner probably have toe-curling, lip-biting quickie sex most of the time. So how can you have quickie fun and...

10 Men’s Sexual Fantasies that are More Common than you Think!

Have you ever wondered what's going on inside the mind of a man? Have you ever caught a handsome gentleman looking at you from across the bar and wished you knew what he was thinking?    We all know men to be highly imaginative and particularly inclined towards...

Is it Okay to Have Sexual Fantasies? How to Embody Your Carnal Imagination.

It's human nature to fantasize about things. You may feel particularly fulfilled when thinking of your future self becoming a famous songwriter even if you haven't played a note of music in your life. The human brain is capable of incredible feats and fantastical...

Secret Masturbation: Everything You Should Know about Undisclosed Sexual Exploration.

Listen, honey; I’m going to save you some time: you are allowed to flick your clit whenever you and how many times you want. No man should tell you what you can and can’t do to your body, especially when it comes to self-pleasure. So if your man has an issue with you...

How to Secretly Masturbate… And Not Get Caught.

Do you know how to secretly masturbate without getting caught? Heck, this is a must-have skill in 2022!   Where were you the first time you felt a surge of arousal, and you were nowhere near your room? Maybe you were with your partner on the balcony, and you felt...

Are you Into Forced Masturbation?

With so many excellent sex toys on the market these days, I think it’s safe to say that we’re all into pleasuring ourselves. But what about forced masturbation? What is it? When do you do it? Well, I’m about to tell all … What is forced masturbation? Forced...

Bathtub Bliss. Your Guide to Bathtub Masturbation.

The one thing about masturbation that will always hold true is the fact that your sexual pleasure is in your control.  You know yourself the best, both the physical and mental trigger points that instill all those lovely orgasm-inducing vibes, and with this, you can...

Everything to Know About Guided Masturbation.

For many, masturbating often brings about feelings of guilt and is a practice that some are intimidated by or not sure of how to properly pursue. Guided masturbation works magic at negating any negative emotions surrounding the subject and acts as the perfect...