We’ve all heard the generic, run-of-the-mill, standard apology that follows the template “I’m sorry.” Well, if you’re wondering how to apologize to your boyfriend in a creative, promising, and fulfilling manner, look no further! At V for Vibes, we believe that your best self is one that cares deeply for your partner and that healthy and fulfilling relationships are those relationships where apologies are genuine and heartfelt.
Of course, it is only human to make errors. And we can’t really avoid that, can we? But what we do with those mistakes and errors is what is more important. Instead of fixating on the blunder and the negative emotions it can evoke, the way forward to dealing with the damage done is what you should be focusing on, and that can help pave the way for repairing your relationship with your boyfriend/significant other.
It is important to be able to recognize when and where you are at fault and when you should apologize. This, of course, comes with awareness and self-reflection in a manner that allows you to deeply engage with your own actions and choices and to be able to consider the impact your choices have on others. After all, loving and rewarding relationships allow room to grow, and that is exactly what apologies are about!
The promise to be better, the action to show the effort to be better, and eventually being a better person who is more considerate of their partner’s feelings and emotions. That’s what being a partner who apologizes genuinely is about! Each apology can be different, and in fact, should come from the heart and be in earnestness, which is why we haven’t put together a template apology. What we’re going to need you to do is to truly apologize with sincerity to take these steps and be able to come up with an apology that is personalized to your relationship and be able to address the wrongdoing in your own personal manner! Here are a few steps you can take to learn best how to apologize to your boyfriend:
Recognize the Hurt you’ve Caused
Often, one of the hardest places to begin when you are trying to apologize to your boyfriend is to recognize the hurt you’ve caused. This is because it can be very difficult to think of ourselves as wrongdoers and the potential of hurting someone we love so deeply seems inherently wrong.
But if you’re learning how to apologize to your boyfriend, one of the first steps to take is to recognize the harm you have caused and acknowledge it with your partner. Give your partner the space to openly communicate that pain to you and be able to articulate what he is experiencing without making the situation about yourself. Remember that this is about him and not you and that he would really appreciate the space to be open and freely talk about what has caused him hurt. This can then lead to more helpful conversations about how to deal with that pain and hurt, and always remember to practice effective listening as he communicates his feelings.
Know that Everyone causes Harm, and that it is Common
Like we said before, it is crucial to recognize your part in hurting your boyfriend. But that can be quite an uncomfortable feeling to sit with, and well, it’s not pleasant in the least. Here’s what you can do to be able to sit with those uncomfortable feelings in order to properly and truly apologize to your boyfriend.
You can remind yourself that you are only human and that it is okay to make mistakes. In fact, it is pretty common for hurt to come from the people you love the most, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to correct the hurt and wrong and to bounce back from the damage done. Once you internalize and remember that, it will be a whole lot easier to deal with the guilt and go further into the apology than it would otherwise.
By allowing yourself to feel the guilt and reminding yourself of your humanness, you will show kindness to yourself, which is an important reminder of how to treat those around you.
You have caused your loved one some pain. And that is only more reason for you to be more mindful of how kind you are to those around you to avoid doing that over again.
Do not let the Guilt Paralyze you.
An easy trap to fall into when apologizing is to begin groveling and letting the guilt you feel so fully overcome you that you feel almost paralyzed by how much hurt you have caused. This is where you will need to learn to distance yourself from the situation; remember that this apology is geared towards your boyfriend and is more about him than it is about you – and that your guilt is there, but only as a force to drive you to act better.
Letting that guilt get the better of you and being so overwhelmed by it that you can’t act on reform will only strain matters further. It will put your boyfriend in the awkward position of having to clear your conscience and heal his own wounds, so remember that you are there to apologize, not to take on the role of the person who is hurt. Separate your pain from theirs and prioritize theirs, especially if you have deeply hurt someone you love.
Leave the “If” Out of the Apology
You have probably heard this before, but it still holds true. An apology is not an apology if you can’t even begin to fully recognize how you have wronged your boyfriend. Using words like “if” or “but” can only make matters worse – it will make your boyfriend feel invalidated and not respected, as though you do not trust them enough to take their word for it when they tell you they have hurt them. Remember that your boyfriend is hurting and needs to heal, and that he has come to you with his pain and that you should be addressing the pain, not invalidating it. “If” has no place in an apology, and in 2021 let’s leave it out altogether.
Act on your words
The next part of properly apologizing to anyone, especially your boyfriend, is to show reformed behavior. We’re living in times where words don’t cut it anymore, and the only real apology is one that comes with changed behavior. Admission of guilt and fault can be a great place to start apologizing, but the actual meat of the apology comes through your actions. If you promise to act a certain way, make sure you keep your promises and follow through on what you’ve committed to. Nothing is worse than an apology that is insincere and incomplete. It can be easy to say “I’m sorry” and move on, but to truly allow your boyfriend to heal from the hurt he has experienced, you have to make sure you follow through on the promises you make to him and that you try your level best to avoid hurting him that way again.
We can’t stress this enough – be honest. What’s an apology with honesty, right? If you believe you genuinely cannot do what your boyfriend has asked to make up for the mistake, let them know. Do not commit to things you cannot do, like if they have asked you for more attention and you can’t give it to them, you should tell them instead of leading them to believe otherwise. That’s what reformed behavior is and what an apology is all about!