Are you sexually satisfied? Really and truly, are you satisfied sexually? With your partner, with yourself, or in general? If you answered yes, with no hesitation, then that’s a very lucky and fortunate thing to be able to say. However, if you hesitated and stopped to think about your answer… you probably are not sexually satisfied. Now, what exactly defines sexual satisfaction? Sexual satisfaction is essentially how satisfied you are sexually. Pretty self-explanatory, right? Wrong. Everybody has a different definition of what sexual satisfaction actually means to them.

For example, if you and your partner have the same sex drive and want sex the same amount of times as each other, with satisfactory orgasms every time, you’re probably sexually satisfied. However, let’s say you have a higher sex drive than your partner. You have sex together twice a week, and you both orgasm every time, but you are not fulfilled and sexually satisfied. Why is this? Because your sex drive and sexual needs are higher, you may be sexually unfulfilled.

How does a lack of sexual satisfaction affect a relationship?

If you or your partner are sexually unsatisfied, chances are, you aren’t going to have as strong of a bond. You may notice that you are more irritable with each other. You may constantly be annoyed at everything he or she does, and start to pick fights for no reason. At the end of them, you probably look back and reflect, trying to figure out where exactly this problem arose from. However, because the problem stems from an underlying issue, it’s not as easy to figure out. Until you figure it out, you won’t be able to effectively address it either, which makes it even harder when you are struggling in a relationship.

Is it even possible to increase sexual satisfaction?

Sexual satisfaction is something that can, in a way, be taken into your own hands  – quite literally. The methods for increasing sexual satisfaction truly vary based on what the core, underlying problem is. You can add masturbation to your routine, watch porn together, try a threesome or sex move you haven’t tried before! However, none of these things will make that large of an impact if you are not addressing the proper issue that is causing this decrease in or lack of sexual satisfaction in your relationship.

How do we go about addressing varying sex drives?

In this scenario, let’s imagine that you are the partner with the higher sex drive. You are sexually satisfied with your partner, in the sense that you are fulfilled when you have sex. However, there is something left to be desired when it comes to how many times you both are having sex. In this particular instance, one way to combat the overall feeling of dissatisfaction is to compromise. Your partner with lower sex drive may be open to getting you off, even if they are not in the mood to have sex. Or, they may want to pick a toy out with you for you to try. This way, they feel connected to you and you both feel as if you are trying to overcome and assist each other. Meeting in the middle and being able to compromise on issues like this is also a clear indicator of overall relationship satisfaction. 

Can sexual dissatisfaction be rooted in boredom?

Yes. Sexual satisfaction is often found in a healthy, active, and stimulated sex life. So if you are bored in your sexual life… you probably aren’t satisfied. A common scenario is involving what you do during sex. Perhaps you feel satisfied while having sex and orgasming, but your sex life feels dull. In this situation, you can try to spice things up! Have you tried integrating new positions in your bedroom, just to see if they are something you would like? What about going on a mini-vacation, or having sex in a different part of your house? Try standing doggy style in the kitchen! Perhaps it’s time to incorporate some BDSM-style things like bondage or whips into the bedroom, just to spice things up and add a little sexy flare. These easy changes may just be what saves your relationship and creates that more satisfied and fulfilled sex life, leading to a stronger bond and relationship overall. With the boom of online retailers selling discreet whips and bondage, you can easily order something online. Perhaps you just want to see your partner in sexy lingerie! This can also be ordered just as easily online, with no one the wiser as to what package is coming to your door.

What if my partner does not seem to care or want to put in the effort?

If your partner is totally content and satisfied with the way the relationship is and the sexual levels that you both are experiencing, then you have to consider the next options. First, make sure that you have effectively communicated your needs, desires, and wants to your partner, and that they understand that you are not satisfied. Oftentimes, we struggle with telling our partners that something is wrong in the relationship, so reflect on how you communicated.  Is sexual satisfaction something that will make or break your relationship? In most scholars’ and couples’ opinions, yes, it is. Sexual satisfaction is one of the fundamental and core portions of a relationship that help keep it together. Being able to effectively find ways to meet each other’s needs and talk out those fears and concerns is a huge sign of a relationship that can withstand the test of time. This is why we stress about how big an impact sexual satisfaction has. It affects more than just the constraints of sex, and encompasses a relationship fully. Before giving up on your partner, try to delve deeper. Are they embarrassed by the topic of sexual satisfaction? Is this something that a marriage or couples counselor can help with? While sexual satisfaction is a key factor in a relationship, try to explore all options before just giving up. Every person reacts differently, and sometimes it takes time to warm up to the idea of unhappiness or needing to change things!