Listen, honey; I’m going to save you some time: you are allowed to flick your clit whenever you and how many times you want. No man should tell you what you can and can’t do to your body, especially when it comes to self-pleasure. So if your man has an issue with you masturbating while being in a relationship, quite frankly, he’s a douchebag. 

But saying this, if you’re masturbating but not having sex with your partner, that might be a sign that you have some work to do. Read on to find out why masturbating secretly is totally okay and when it might be time to work on your sex life with your partner.

Masturbation in a Relationship is NORMAL

When we’re in a relationship, we’re taught that we should be sharing all of our sexual desires with our partner and that we should be getting all of our sexual pleasure from them. So actually, in this case, masturbation can be considered infidelity – but, I mean, come onnnn…

The thing is that pleasuring yourself and having another person pleasure you are completely different things. Only you know how to best get yourself off, so an orgasm while masturbating can feel totally different from one your partner can give you. And not only that, but masturbating is a solo activity where you’re not normally watched, which can relieve a lot of pressure we women feel to ‘get over the mountain top’. 

Masturbation is like any self-care activity; it’s better alone. And if you’re recommended to still have self-care time in a relationship, there’s no reason that you can’t masturbate alone. Period. So actually masturbating in a relationship is normal, especially having the desire to do it alone. We all need a little freedom in a relationship, and masturbation is a great way to get it.

Masturbation Solo can Help you Tell your Partner what to Do

Flicking your bean on your own can help you explore your own body and fantasies with no interruptions. It’s a great way to learn how you like to be touched, so you can tell your partner exactly how you like it. 

Masturbation Increases your Sex Drive 

You know what they say? Those who masturbate more have sex more. Isn’t that a thing? It is! It’s been proven that those who masturbate more have higher sex drives. So that’s only going to benefit your sexual relationship with your partner instead of hindering it. 

Sometimes, Masturbation isn’t Just about Sex.

Sure, most of the time when us ladies masturbate, it’s because we’re horny and want to indulge in some ‘me’ time. But for some of us, masturbating is key to switching off from a hard day or getting us off to sleep when our brains just won’t switch off. Masturbation has so many health benefits to it; it’s not the selfish activity some *cough* sexist and patriarchal men think it is. 

Sometimes nothing helps us sleep better than an orgasm. Sometimes nothing calms us down more than an orgasm. And to get that orgasm, we don’t always want to have intercourse with our partners. That’s effort, isn’t it? IYKYK. 

So, yes, sexist and patriarchal men, we are going to masturbate whenever we want because … well, we don’t have to justify ourselves, actually. But do educate yourselves on WHY a bit of self-love isn’t just good; it’s necessary.

Masturbation is Sexy!

Most men who are into women will tell you that having a woman as a partner who masturbates is sexy as hell. Touching yourself shows that you know what you want, and you’re not shying away from getting it. It’s sexy having someone in your life who knows what they want, right? So the same should go for masturbation. 

What’s more, masturbation releases the same endorphins as intercourse, so if a man is dating a woman who masturbates on the regular and is, therefore, happier for it, that’s got to be sexier than a sexually frustrated woman, right? Food for thought.

How to Masturbate Privately when you Live with Someone

If there’s one thing I miss from being single, it’s being able to flick my beans in bed without my partner wanting to join in. Don’t get me wrong; sometimes I want him to join in! But other times, I just want to touch myself and read erotica undisturbed.

If you desire more alone time when you masturbate, do it when they’re out of the house or playing a video game in the living room (it works like a charm). Or you could even just tell your partner that you need some alone time and ask them not to disturb you. A respectful partner should give you private time. If they don’t, a conversation on boundaries needs to happen. 

Do you Need to Tell your Partner you Masturbated?

Hell no! You’re not cheating on your partner by having sex with yourself, so you do not need to feel guilty about indulging in a little ‘me’ time. It might be good to mention to your partner if you want to turn them on though…

When is Private Masturbation a Bad Sign?

Solo masturbation is, for the most part, a totally healthy part of a relationship. However, it’s important to also be active in your sexual relationship with your partner. Now, there is no normal amount of times to have sex. This varies from couple to couple. However, if you find that you are masturbating a LOT more and you and your partner are having less sex, this might be cause for concern. 

At this point, it’s good to sit down with your partner to talk about your happiness with your sex life. A whole host of issues can be ironed out just by communicating with your partner, so as long as you do this, you should be able to recover your sexual relationship if it’s been dwindling lately. 

Additionally, if you’re masturbating in private because your partner disapproves of self-gratification in a relationship, you should talk to your partner about your views of masturbation. You obviously value masturbation if you’re doing it in private, but you should never have to hide something like this from your partner. Sure, masturbating solo while in a relationship with a partner who is on board with it is one thing, but doing it in private from someone who is against it and has no knowledge that you’re doing it? That’s cause for concern, and you need to nip that in the bud ASAP.

The Climax… 

Let me be clear. Masturbation is normal whether you’re in a relationship or not. Nobody should be able to dictate what you do with your body. So if someone doesn’t want you to masturbate, and you quite like masturbating, run away from this person as soon as possible. 

Some people don’t like the idea of their partner masturbating because they think that they’ll be fantasizing about someone else. Yeah, and? 

That’s a topic for another day. 

My point is that we have too many restrictions in our day-to-day lives; we do not need any restrictions on our vulvas or vaginas. And if a man tries to tell you that only they should provide you with your sexual gratification, they clearly are insecure and think a lot about themselves. So go buy yourself a vibrator, lock the door, and enjoy because you are ALLOWED to masturbate.