With so many excellent sex toys on the market these days, I think it’s safe to say that we’re all into pleasuring ourselves. But what about forced masturbation? What is it? When do you do it? Well, I’m about to tell all …

What is forced masturbation?

Forced masturbation comes under the umbrella of BDSM. It basically involves one person ordering another person to masturbate. This could be with their fingers, with a toy, or other more creative ways. It’s a way for a dominant to control their submissive’s orgasms. It’s not to be confused with forced orgasm, though; in forced masturbation, an orgasm is not a guarantee. Many dominants use forced masturbation to train their submissives, while more vanilla couples might indulge in a spot of forced masturbation just to spice up their sex life.

What scenarios count as forced masturbation?

• Humiliation: a dominant might want to punish their submissive by making them masturbate in front of people, and therefore humiliating them.
• Submissive training: Some dominants use forced masturbation as a way of training their submissives to obey them. It can also be used as a test to see how easily their submissives orgasm. This could then lead to orgasm denial training.
• Spanking/whipping: A submissive might be asked to masturbate while being spanked or whipped. Great for those who love a bit of pain.
• Cuckold fantasy: During a cuckold scene where one person watches someone else have sex with their partner, this person might be forced to masturbate by either the bull (the person having sex with their partner) or their partner.
• Bondage: Some dominants like to put their submissives into intricate bondage with a vibrator tied to their genitals, so they have no choice but to masturbate.
• Remote control vibrators: This can be used by either dom/sub couples or vanilla couples. The more submissive partner wears the remote-controlled vibrator, and the dominant partner has the remote. They can then force their submissive partner into masturbating against their will by turning on the vibrator whenever and whenever they desire.

Is forced masturbation linked to orgasm denial?

Yes. Although they are different concepts, they do go together like peanut butter and jelly. During forced masturbation, it’s up to the person in charge whether their partner can orgasm or not. Sometimes, submissives must ask or beg for permission to orgasm. And the dominant may well just say no. Enter orgasm denial. If the submissive orgasms despite not having permission, they may be punished in a manner decided by the dominant. Alternatively, dominants may want their submissive to have as many orgasms as possible. Again, enter forced orgasms.

Why do forced masturbation?

In the last decade, it seems that BDSM has been increasingly on the rise ever since the Fifty Shades movies came out (although it is clear that these films and books are not a decent representation of a real dom/sub relationship, but that’s a story for another day). Nowadays, you can find all manner of BDSM sex toys, accessories, and clothing online and in sex shops. It’s clear that a lot of people these days get off on being controlled or controlling someone. And forced masturbation is just one activity involved in the world of BDSM that people have grown so fond of. So why forced masturbation? Because it turns people on! People like being told what to do in bed. Likewise, others like to tell people what to do in bed. It’s a win-win situation.

Some people might also get an extra thrill from being forced to masturbate because it still feels like a taboo. For years, masturbation was seen as a creepy thing that weirdos did. Good girls didn’t masturbate, right? Wrong!

In the last two decades, so much has been done in the sex-positivity movement for masturbation to be seen as a natural act of self-love. So now, we ladies feel great about masturbating. However, it’s still on our mind that some people consider it taboo even now. And doing something that some might consider to be a bad thing feels oh so good, doesn’t it?

Forced masturbation is also on the more extreme side of sexual activities. 

So if you’re normally quite vanilla, doing something like forced masturbation can help you push your boundaries and experiment with sex in a safe way.

How to do forced masturbation safely

So, yes, speaking of safety, as forced masturbation is a sexual act, it’s very important to obtain consent from the person who is acting as the submissive being controlled. Any type of control during sex without consent is not okay, so it is imperative that you get it. It doesn’t have to be a big conversation. It can be a simple sexy whisper in their ear: “How about I force you to masturbate? What do you say?” Make sure you hear them answer you, so you both know that consent has been obtained.

Another note to consider: As taking part in sexual acts in public is considered a crime in many countries, please be careful what you do and where you do it. Use your common sense. You’ll know if it’s a bad idea.

Tips for hot forced masturbation

• Asking for consent is hot: As mentioned above, getting consent is really important, and when someone we’re into asks us in their sexy voice if they can do X to us, it really turns us on. Keep this in mind next time you want to ask for consent and see your partner writhe in delight. Make sure they give you consent, though, obv.
• Make a night of it: Whether you tie them to the bed or take them for a night out on the town with a vibrator in their panties, make a night of your forced masturbation. What’s better than masturbation? Masturbating over a long period. Give them breaks, though, of course; nobody wants numb genitalia.
• Touch their hot spots: Sure, masturbation is all about the vagina and the penis. But that doesn’t mean you can’t drive them wild by caressing their hottest spots. Try the neck, behind the ears, the breasts, nipples, forearms, inner thighs, and other erogenous zones … use your imagination and slowly tease them. Caressing their sensitive areas will only heighten their arousal. And you want that, believe me.
• Use good quality toys: If you’re going to use a vibrator, use a good one! If you’re looking for a remote-control vibrator, the Trivia – Erotic Silicone Bullet Egg Vibrator with A Remote Control is a great option. With ten different settings, you or your submissive will be on cloud nine. An excellent option for clitoral stimulation while your significant other is tied down is the Venus – Dual-Head Wand Vibrator/ Soft, Warming Dildo. It has multiple speeds and settings that will have you moaning against your ball gag, and it warms up too. Perfect for chilly nights!

Forced masturbation is a BDSM activity that can be taken as seriously as you want; it’s used by legit dominants to train their submissives, but just because you’re a vanilla couple doesn’t mean you can’t experiment … enjoy the feeling of controlling or being controlled. It’s hot, and you know it.