Sex in a relationship can be some of the best sex you’ve ever had. It can also get really boring really quickly, especially if you’ve been together a while and you live with your partner. But it needn’t be boring!
Just like our relationship, our sex life requires active participation from both sides. A relationship doesn’t happen without any effort, and the same goes for your sex life. So how can you have great sex in a relationship? Read on to find out!
Talk About Sex
The first step to having great sex is having open conversations with your partner about it. Sex talk often gets overlooked because people assume that their partner just knows what to do to make them orgasm. Oh, my loves, this is just not the case.
Everyone’s body is different, and everyone has different kinks and fetishes. No person’s sexual desires are the same as the next person’s. So talk to your partner about yours. And go into as much detail as possible.
This also includes talking to your partner during sex. If your partner does something you love, tell them! Likewise, if they do something you hate, instruct them (nicely) how to better please you.
Sex should be anything but routine. If you’re the kind of couple that schedules your sexy time like your dentist appointments, it’s time to throw out the diary and get spontaneous. You simply can’t predict when you’re going to feel horny, so only having sex when you feel in the mood will probably lead to better sex than your scheduled, organized sexy time.
Being spontaneous also makes your sex life more exciting because you never know when your partner will come on to you. And don’t just get spontaneous with the time; get flexible with the location too!
Are you feeling horny on a long car journey? Pull off the highway to a secluded spot and get frisky with some erotic car sex positions. In an elevator alone? Do a Christian Grey and have a quick and hot makeout sesh before you reach your floor.
The key to being spontaneous is acting on your impulses. Of course, use your common sense. But definitely throw out the diary. Burn it. Right now.
Need some surprise sex ideas? We got you, girl.
Mix up your Positions
By now, you probably have your select favorite sex positions that you always rely on, the key ones being missionary and doggie style. Have a google and find some different positions to use next time you get frisky.
You can even get cards with ‘positions of the day’ on them if you like to be surprised. If you have specific desires, such as positions good for the g-spot, positions good for clitoral stimulation, or tantric sex positions, focus on these and try a few out to see what feels best. The best thing about sex is you can just try things. If something doesn’t work, you just move on to the next thing!
With our lives being so busy, we tend to rush everything, including sex, which is a huge disservice to your sex life. Next time you have sex with your partner, take it slow. The benefit to this is that women generally take longer than men to reach orgasm, so if the man takes it slow, there’s more chance of reaching simultaneous orgasm.
Also, going slow makes a good thing last. Think about your favorite meal. Would the eating experience be better if you ate it really quickly and hardly tasted the food or if you took your time savoring every flavor and texture? Of course, you’d opt for the latter.
So. Take. Your. Time. Going slow also allows for more sensual sex, so take the opportunity to tease your partner’s senses.
Buy a New Sex Toy
Simply investing in a sex toy can take your usual sex life to the next level. And there are so many different types of toys and accessories to choose from that you’re bound to find something to spice things up.
And vibrators have never been so good; they are no longer the dodgy rubber dildos that hardly vibrate. Nowadays, vibrators are made of body-safe materials, are non-porous and easy to clean, and also super powerful to give you the mind-blowing orgasms you’ve never had before. Be careful, though, because you might just end up like Charlotte on Sex and the City when she gets addicted to her rabbit vibrator. Vibrators these days are that good. Here are some of our favorites:
- Daphne- The Blooming Rose Dual Vibrator: This rose-themed beauty is dual-purpose. The rose-bud end provides ten air-pulse settings to take your clit to O-town while the stem vibrates in ten frequencies to give your vaginal walls the massage they deserve.
- Eos – Bullet Vibrator: Every person who has a clitoris needs a good bullet vibrator. And this vibrator is extremely powerful with its ten frequencies. And not only that, but it’s also USB-rechargeable, so you will never have to make the mad dash for batteries again.
- Hestia – Lightweight U-Shaped Vibrator: This toy is shaped in a U-shape, one end for internal g-spot stimulation and one end for external clitoral stimulation. It’s remote-controlled, so your partner can take control of your pleasure. This is a great option for discreet public play.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Swinging is for 50-something couples who are trying to save their relationship, right? Wrong!
Consensual non-monogamy is actually more common than you think among all age groups. And young couples are suddenly discovering the benefits that come with swinging.
Research suggests that couples who swing report feeling happier in their relationship than their sexually monogamous peers. Swingers often report feeling happier because the ‘lifestyle’ allows them to separate love and sex, taking pressure off their partner when it comes to their sexual needs.
If you have ever wondered about swinging, it might be worth bringing it up with your partner and trying it out. You never know until you try, right?
My partner was the one to bring it up with me, and, at first, I really wasn’t into it. Then I figured, why not try it out?! Now I’m the one pushing him to go to the swinger’s club! If you decide to engage in swinging, make sure you talk about your expectations before you do it. You need to know what you’re both comfortable with doing before you set foot in a swinger’s club or into a sexual encounter with another couple.
But please note, swinging is only for strong relationships. It cannot save an already doomed relationship.
Remember Why You’re Together
Sometimes when we wake up next to the same person day in and day out, we forget why we’re together. So if your sex life has become rather monotonous lately, take a moment to remember why you’re with this person.
Remember what made you so attracted to them in the beginning, why you love them and why you love having sex with them. This alone can be enough to reignite the fire in the bedroom. You could even revisit the date nights you used to go on when you first started dating.
If you have kids, get a babysitter once a week and put in the effort to go on one date night once a week for some exclusive time alone, doing the things you used to enjoy before life got so complicated. Go to the movies, bowling, ice skating … get silly with each other and have fun.
Then go home and get silly in the bedroom. But likewise, don’t feel pressured to have sex just because it’s date night. Be spontaneous, have fun and see what happens.
Relationships are work, and so are our sex lives. And if you have people in your life telling you that sex is meant to be boring when you’ve been with someone for a while, don’t listen to them. If you put in the effort, you can have a fulfilling sex life whether you’ve been together a year or fifty years.
Talk to your partner about sex on a regular basis and mix things up. You might be surprised what you end up adding to your sex life!