Is sex with your long-term partner still feeling like a one-night stand? Are you stuck in the routine of sex? Are you looking to be more sexually intimate with your partner? 

You’re not alone. The truth is tons of people are used to the relatively mundane parts of sex. It takes work, effort, and creativity to create intimate couple sex. Here are some simple ways to improve how close you and your partner get during lovemaking.

Set the mood. 

Ambiance does a lot to shift the way you approach sex. While more hardcore encounters can happen anywhere, you must learn to set the mood first if you want to learn how to be intimate during sex. Take a minute to reflect on when you last had sex with your partner. Did you have music playing? Candles on? Soft lighting? Were your supplies out and ready? These special touches aren’t just for movies and first dates. These touches are how to be intimate during sex throughout your relationship.

Strategically creating the right space before you even touch helps you create intimate sex. Work with your partner to see what their ideal setup looks like. Some people may like the lights on low; others really appreciate having a towel nearby in case things get messy. Music may be a soft and sexy playlist that you create together. It’s important that you have just what you and your partner need in your space. This allows you to really let go in the moment and enjoy. 

Ask for their consent.

We all know that asking for consent is the best way to make sure your partner is ready to go, but did you know it can actually create more intimate sex? One of the biggest pitfalls of sex can be a lack of consent. Believe it or not, this can even be in long-term relationships. Even people you’ve been connected with for a long time appreciate the heads up when you’re trying out something new. It’s not wrong to try risky things during sex as long as you check in with your partner first. 

Asking for consent can be sexy too. A softly whispered, “Hey, can I move my hands here?” or “Can I just take you to bed?” into your partner’s ear can be incredibly sexy. Asking for consent is also the best way to start trying new things out in the bedroom, an essential component of intimate sex. Your sex should be evolving as your relationship grows, which means trying new things is imperative. If you want to continue to be sexually intimate with your partner, it’s important that you both keep it exciting in the bedroom AND continually get their consent to do so. 

Eye contact is key.

Eye contact during sex can be intimidating. Most people, in their deepest throes of pleasure, have an impulse to close their eyes. Consider even the last time you played alone; odds are you closed your eyes as you were getting ready to orgasm. It’s human nature to enjoy vulnerable moments in private. This is why it’s worth working to extend eye contact with your partner. That work always pays off in creating more intimate sex. 

The next time you’re in the middle of the action and catch yourself closing your eyes or looking away, challenge yourself to connect with them. Some positions in sex make this more possible, as these are “The Best Intimate Sex Positions to Bring You Together.”

While doggy style and reverse cowgirl are fun to experiment with, if you’re looking about how to be intimate during sex, now is the time to try positions like missionary or laying side by side. This way, you’ll be able to lock eyes with your partner while they’re helping you reach new levels of pleasure. 

Use your words.

If you think of the last time you had an intimate moment with yourself (a nice way to say masturbating), odds are you had some vivid images and ideas running through your mind. Many of us create our own fantasies to help us find sexual release. This is a normal and natural part of sex. You have to think sexy thoughts to feel sexually intimate with yourself or with a partner. It can be scary to unleash your sexual fantasies with your partner, but doing so almost always creates intimate couple sex. 

Challenge yourself to share some of those deepest fantasies and thoughts with your partner. If your partner is receptive, they should begin sharing their own as they relate to your fantasies. Together you’ll be crafting your own audible erotica via your dirty talk. The point isn’t necessarily to act out on the fantasies, but just sharing them helps you become sexually intimate. 

Don’t go for the O. 

Orgasms are amazing; there is no doubt about it. And experiencing one with your partner is perhaps one of the ways people feel the most sexually intimate, to be sure. But the truth is, treating sex like a single focused objective is the quickest way to lose intimacy. Sex is a journey for both of you, and if you both share this understanding of it, you’ll have better luck in creating the sexual intimacy you desire. 

Sex begins the second someone is connecting with another intimately. This may mean a kiss, a massage, or even a naughty joke. Staying present in the foreplay is important to create sexual intimacy. If you’re struggling to get the orgasm out of your mind, challenge yourselves to have sex and not experience the release of an O. Enjoy a long romp and strategically avoid that moment. You may find that you enjoy the journey a bit more and that your sex lasts a little longer.

 Be patient. 

Great sex isn’t all about the orgasm like we talked about, but being patient in the pursuit of one is also valuable. While being pleasured, it’s normal to get close to orgasm at least 3-5 times before someone’s ready to release. That means if you’re giving your partner pleasure, you can expect them to get close that many times or more before they actually orgasm. So it’s important to build patience. The first time you make them feel good probably won’t result in the orgasm you were looking for. They’re on a roller coaster of pleasure, and they need to know you’re comfortable waiting out the ride with them. 

If you are getting impatient, find ways to pleasure yourself while you wait. That could mean grinding your groin against something that feels good, using your words to fantasize aloud with them, or even using a sex toy to help you continue to stay present in your own pleasure. Taking care of your own impatience will make your partner feel safe to experience their orgasm when they’re ready, not when you get tired. 

Intimate sex is also catered to outside of the bedroom. Make sure you are doing things that instill your appreciation and love for your partner, such as a simple “you look beautiful today”. 

Take them on those date nights, and be creative in making your romance feel as fiery as it was when you first met. By being proactive in reaffirming your love, affection, and intimacy for them and their gorgeous body and lovely personality, intimacy is all but guaranteed to follow.