If you’re on this page, you’re probably curious to learn more about fisting during sex, how it works, what to do, how to talk to your partner about it, etc.
Well, worry not! We’re here to talk about the basics (and some advanced techniques, wink) of fisting sex that will leave you breathless and wanting more!
A disclaimer before we begin: as with most things to do with sex, fisting does not only happen in the porn industry; it is a regular old kink that is pretty common around us. There’s no need to feel ashamed or odd about kinks, and there certainly isn’t a need to shame them either.
Kinks and fetishes are how adults play; as a child, you let loose in the sandbox, and as an adult, you explore sexual connections with those around you to find pleasure, peace, and who knows, some orgasms, too!
If fisting is something you would like to incorporate into your sex life, or if you think your partner would enjoy it, we recommend that you two talk about it first and figure out how both of you feel about it. It can be a very useful tool in a setting that involves power dynamics (forced fisting).
So, talk to your partner and decide if this is something that could take your sex life to the next level. Perhaps you’ll have a few erotic fisting sex stories by the end of it to smile about over a glass of wine.
What Is Fisting?
Fisting sex is just that, the use of your whole fist to pleasure your partner. Think of it like fingering, except it’s pretty much all five fingers. And do note, your hand should take the shape of your thumb resting against all four fingers, not a literal ‘fist’.
Now that might sound like we’re making it up, but trust us, this is a real game-changer for a lot of people having sex out there, and we can tell you it’s fun.
The best part about fisting is that you don’t have to be a professional of any sort to try it out! It doesn’t require much training or even a very detailed or complicated set of instructions – it’s basically like fingering, but better! Fisting can also be very versatile, and if one form works for you, it might not work for someone else, so talk about the pace you and your partner want to keep it at. Remember to be gentle and kind through the process, especially if it is something the two of you or either one of you hasn’t tried fisting before.
How Do I Ask My Partner About Fisting Sex?
You can bring it up with your partner while watching it on screen, pick a show or film that is so hot, you won’t have a choice but to talk about it! In case that doesn’t work out, it’s absolutely okay to schedule a time with your partner that works for both of you so that you can sit down and have a discussion. Tell them how you feel and what it is you’d like to do (or have done to you!) and work through their questions patiently.
Communicating through a new experience can make it much less stressful for you and your partner and can help alleviate some of your anxieties, too. It isn’t odd or strange at all to have questions, to want to find out more, and to get to share a new experience that could bring you closer to your partner with research done on it. And that’s the reason we’re here to tell you all you need to know about fisting.
If you need advice on how to communicate better in a relationship, just take a look at the linked article for some helpful advice!
What Does Fisting Feel Like for My Partner and Me?
Let’s talk a little bit about what fisting actually feels like – does fisting hurt? What are the sensations fisting might give way to?
On the giving end of it, that is, the fister, might experience an intense sense of control and power over their partner’s body. Fisting is, after all, an act of vulnerability, trust, and willingness to relinquish control in some sense, which makes it so sexy! It can be very arousing to gain that sense of control over your partner’s responses and feelings, and with just enough lube, you can make your partner experience pleasure like never before.
If you’re on the receiving end, that is the fistee; you could experience a wide range of emotions and feelings. From feeling the release after giving up so much control to someone they trust and enjoy sex with to the intense euphoria you can experience after a great orgasm, you’re in for a wild ride fistee!
What Can I Do to Prepare for Fisting Sex?
There are many things you, dear reader, and your partner can do to prepare for fisting. General representations on screen and in the media might make it seem like it’s a random process that occurs out of the blue, but take our word for it- you and your partner might feel better about it if you are prepared and ready to tackle all of the things that come with fisting.
One of the first things to do is to grab a lot of lube. We meant it. A lot. Of. Lube.
Do your research a little bit, and read up on the different kinds of lubes out there in the market and what kind works best for fisting. We assure you, there is no such thing as too much lube. So, get to it, and make sure you’re using plenty of lube to avoid micro-tears and abrasion near the vaginal or anal opening.
Do not shy away from incorporating sex toys, too. Whether you’re a fan of the regular anal beads, a full-blown dildo, to even a vibrator, pick your choice of toy and incorporate it into the sex play.
For the fister, you might want to indulge in a little trip to the spa or give yourself a manicure at home. Trim your nails, make sure you wash your hands, and moisturize with a non-fragrant or fragrance-free lotion to make sure your pleasure gets the best of what you’ve got to offer.
A Word of Caution:
Fisting sex can get a little intense, so we suggest that you take it slow and see how it feels one step at a time.
Unlike pornographic videos, fisting in real life may not be so sudden, so out of the blue, or so rough. In fact, it’s even better when you and your partner go into it fully knowing what’s about to come and checking in with each other regularly. Sensuality matters!
You might want to set things like safewords into place – decide on a word that is safe enough to use if your partner experiences pain or discomfort. This word is an immediate cue or signal for you to stop what you’re doing and take care of the fistee. Remember to go very slow, and ask if your partner is doing okay – one finger at a time is usually a good place to start with.
Keep checking in with your partner, and their reaffirmation or reluctance will give you all the cues you need, so don’t worry. Go ahead and get talkin’ with your partner to be on the same page and explore each other’s bodies (and your own)!