First time sex – AKA “losing your virginity” can be extremely nerve-wracking. It’s totally normal to feel nervous, shy, or anxious about first time sex! In fact, most people do experience these emotions leading up to their first encounter, and you’re not alone in feeling like that. I mean, let’s face it – sex can be awkward, and sometimes no matter how many times you’ve done it, it’s still awkward! There’s no right way or wrong way to have sex, and that’s because sex is so different for everyone. Every person has different needs and wants, and every person has different desires. Some things feel better for some people, and other things don’t feel good at all for some! This is why we always stress focusing on your partner’s needs as much as focusing on your own. For first timers with sex, you may not know how to do that, so we have a few tips to make this the best experience possible for you.
First Time Sex Tips
Know or learn what turns you on
You might not know what you like yet. Maybe you’ve never thought about it or focused on self-pleasure. That’s totally ok, but it’s a good idea to consider masturbating and learning how to pleasure yourself before hopping into partnered sex for the first time. Masturbating and taking the time to explore your body, figuring out what you like and don’t can be very empowering when you’re learning yourself and your pleasure. Taking that pleasure into your own hands before having sex for the first time means you have prepared and have an idea of what is good for you!
Stop being so self-conscious of your body.
No one cares what face you make, what your body looks like, or whether you fart during sex. Really and truly, most people are just excited to be having sex! What does matter, is how you feel and the sensations you are experiencing. So stop stressing about that tummy pudge when you’re laying on your side, or what it looks like when you orgasm.
Not everyone orgasms quickly
This should be pretty obvious – but not everyone orgasms the first time they have sex, and not everyone cums within 5 minutes. Every person’s body is so unique and special, and the more pressure you put on yourself to cum, the less likely you are to achieve it. Don’t set a time frame for yourself. In fact, not everyone orgasms at all during sex! Sex is not just good because you orgasm. It’s good because you build an emotional and physical bond with someone. In fact, there are people out there that enjoy sex not for the orgasm, but for the physical pleasure of it. So take the pressure off and enjoy the emotional and mental benefits.
On that note, don’t fake an orgasm either. Yes, porn and movies have made it seem like sex is so delicious and mesmerizing all the time, but in reality, it’s not. Don’t set the bar at that level, as that is truly unrealistic. You need to be able to be open with your partner and show them what you like, what you don’t, and what is and isn’t working. If you aren’t honest about not orgasming, your partner will continue to do things that you don’t enjoy.
Even if you don’t think you’re going to have sex, be sure to be prepared and have a condom with you at all times. If you’re a female and you’re considering having first time sex, or just being sexually active in general, consider getting on birth control to prevent any unnecessary scares and stresses. Safety from unwanted pregnancy, STIs, and other things is a top priority.
Communication is key here
First time sex is nerve-wracking – whether it’s your first time as a whole, or the first time with someone new. Talking about sex with your partner is a must-do, as it allows you to convey your wants and needs. This can also help you determine the status of your relationship, whether you are monogamous, and ask for testing details. You should always check to see if your partner has been tested recently and what their status is. Additionally, it allows you to ask about their preferences. Do they want oral sex? Do they enjoy music being on in the background when you do it? Asking questions helps them know you care and also helps you know what to do and not to do. In fact, it may also encourage them to do the same, making this first time sex experience even better for you both.
Your experience probably won’t be like your best friend’s, and that’s ok.
Not every person has the same experience the first time they have sex. You may have an amazingly romantic experience, and your friend may have had a very uncomfortable and painful experience. By the way, sex should never be painful. But this just goes to show that everyone likes different things, and not to rely on stories from your friends too much, as it may set unrealistic expectations – or expectations that are too low. Don’t beat yourself up over what happens, and remember that as long as sex is consensual, it is ok!
Speaking of consent…
Be sure to talk about anything and everything you want to do together. Sex should be consensual, and just because you or your partner say yes to one thing, doesn’t mean you’ll say yes to everything. You can’t just go along with something you’re not comfortable with! Make sure whatever you are doing is something you are excited about and enjoying, and vice versa.
Foreplay is important – more important than you think.
Foreplay aids in getting you and your partner aroused, and helps keep you aroused! Do not neglect this important and crucial step in the art of sex. Yes, sometimes you just want to jump in, and that’s ok when both of you want that. However, taking your time and really focusing on pleasing both of you will make a huge difference in the arousal levels and overall satisfaction that you experience.
Don’t be afraid to give feedback
Criticism and feedback are totally different from each other. Make sure that if something doesn’t feel good, or if something else would feel better to you, that you tell them! This goes both ways. You would want your partner to tell you as well. When you care about each other’s pleasure, you’re happy to hear that you can do something to make them feel better or get closer to orgasming. This can even be done after the fact if you’re nervous about interrupting mid-act.
Remember, first time sex is not supposed to be perfect. Sex is a messy act, but it’s a fun messy act. With open communication and attention to each other’s needs, exploring and practicing with your partner can make for the ultimate experience. Don’t be overly expectant of this incredibly thrilling first time – but if that is your experience, enjoy it!
Looking to explore your body before your first time? Have you had sex but still want to find ways to get off on your own? Head over to our incredible selection of vibes to help you learn what pleasures you.