Fingering is the fabled art of bringing a woman to orgasm by only using your fingers. It is a delicate and incredibly hot process at its best, and incredibly annoying and uncomfortable at its worst. Fingering is not for everyone, but let us traverse the wide chasm of history together and learn a little bit more about fingering sex.
What is fingering?
Fingering, as the name implies, is the act of stimulating the other person’s genitals by only using your fingers.
The act has been around for a long, long time, but it is yet unknown who actually discovered this enticingly raunchy act and whether or not she or he was aware of the fact that the clitoris is 2/3 times more sensitive than the penis.
But whoever this person was, the whole world owes them a debt of gratitude, as so much sexual pleasure has been derived from this passionately sexual act.
Fingering is near-ubiquitous with sex. It has gone by many names, including by not limited to finger banging, manual sex, digital sex, etc.
To some, fingering sex is usually initiated to stimulate the female genitalia or the anus as a form of foreplay, while to others, it is sexual activity in itself to enhance your partner’s or your pleasure, as some can even reach orgasm with just fingering alone. It is widely used throughout the world as a substitute for sex and as foreplay.
When done right, fingering is the perfect way to stimulate the female genitals, as the fingers are much more flexible than a penis and the dexterity of the fingers usually means that a person can help their female partner achieve a G-spot orgasm, a doubly difficult milestone to achieve during sex, or to simply warm up and self lubricate before progressing to more.
The Grafenberg spot, or G-spot, is a highly sensitive area on the front wall of the vagina. Most people enjoy contact with the area, while others don’t find it especially pleasurable. The G-spot has been the subject of much controversy, and the jury is still out whether or not it actually exists. Scientists have not yet made up their minds and the debate still rages on.
Regardless of what scientists say, however, there’s something special that occurs there with a delicate movement of the fingers, and this simply can’t be argued.
And speaking of passionate sex, some people also enjoy or prefer anal finger play and stimulation of the anus.
The anus, like the vagina and clitoris, has multiple nerve endings, making this a wondrous experience to play around with.
It is with these nerve endings that anal fingering can add extreme amounts of additional pleasure in conjunction with vaginal or penile play, and reports of some of the most euphoric orgasms are those that involve anal fingering.
While fingering is traditionally an act done by the males for the females to a vagina, some men do enjoy anal fingering as well.
Anal fingering in men stimulates the prostate (the prostate is a gland that could be described as a male G-spot), and in fact, they can even achieve an orgasm this way.
Now that we have gotten the nitty-gritty stuff out of the way, let us move to the how of fingering, because hey, let’s face it; odds are everyone sees fingering in their future, and you might as well be good at it!
Fingering is one of those activities that is hit or miss – you either love it, or you hate it. There are a few key factors to what determines whether fingering is enjoyable or not, but there are also a few different ways and areas that you can finger! Fingering is not just limited to finger in vagina action. You can also finger the anus! Don’t be afraid to get adventurous (as long as your partner consents) with your fingers. Fingering is typically the first thing people try when they become exposed sexually to different activities. While it can feel incredible, in comparison to sex, hand stuff might not do it for you or may get boring. Even though fingering is so basic, it can be incredibly enjoyable and create amazing orgasms for your partner when done right.
Hands are honestly such an underutilized tool when it comes to sex and foreplay. Remember how much more control you have with your hands and fingers, and how many nimble movements you can make. When you combine all of that, you’ll soon realize, as will your partner, that you’ve been doing this particular line of foreplay a disservice.
Here is all you need to know about fingering sex:
Wash your hands
What’s the number one rule to fingering? Before anything happens, always wash your hand. Make sure you have clean and trimmed hands! No sharp nails, dirt, or cuts are wanted when it comes to your hands. Remember, vulvas are sensitive just like penises and breasts, and cuts can be very painful down there. Plus, they can lead to easy infection and disease transmission, which you definitely don’t want to risk.
Once your hands are clean and ready to go, you can get started. But hey, before diving into the fingerbanging, don’t forget to ask your partner what they like! They may dislike something, or like another thing. They may have an idea of something they want to try or do. As with any sexual activity, conversation and communication is key.
How do I get things going?
You may be in the mood, but your partner may still require a little more foreplay. So, before you begin, gauge your partner’s level of arousal. You should try kissing, neck kissing, nipple play, etc, to get your partner in the mood before heading south.
Start off slowly – caress and touch your partner’s entire body. From the back of the head, nape of the neck, the chest and side of their neck, the stomach, and between their thighs; remember that stimulating erogenous zones is incredibly sexy, and can be an even bigger turn-on than just making out. Once you feel them getting aroused, or they tell you they want it, move your hands down and make your way to their genitals. Don’t forget to have some lubricant on hand! Even for fingering, lube can always make it better.
Place your palm or hand on your partner’s vulva, and use a light pressure to glide upwards towards their belly. Don’t just jump into rubbing the clitoris! You want to build up anticipation and be sure that they’re ready and want it. The clitoris can be extremely sensitive for many clitoris owners, so not rushing that can make a key difference in pleasure. Once you do go to the clitoris, try circular, clock-like motions. Some may also enjoy up and down motions! But for some people, they may find the clitoral stimulation to be far too sensitive for them to handle.
Fingering is also about internal stimulation. Try starting with one or two fingers, depending on what your partner wants. If they want more, go for it, but never try to just shove 3 or more in at once without talking about that first. This is also where lubricant comes in handy. If they do want to experiment with fisting or more fingers, lube can make this much more easy and enjoyable. Try to make a “come here” gesture with your fingers, stroking upwards towards their belly. If you feel a rough, golf ball-like textured patch, then you’ve found the G Spot. This spot will swell with arousal and is very sensitive. Try stimulating it with the come here motion, and a back and forth motion. As them what they like the most while you are fingering them as well!
While you’re playing with all this, don’t forget that you have another hand available. Use it to stimulate their breasts, stroke their thighs, or choke them if they are into that. You can also massage them, or masturbate yourself while watching them get off! Or they can masturbate you. If you really feel ambitious, you can use that hand to try.. anal fingering.
Again – always discuss what is and isn’t allowed first. However, don’t play down the importance of anal stimulation. There are so many ways and varieties to stimulate it! You can rest your thumb on the anus and press down on it intermittently, as if you’re ringing a doorbell. This is great for those that want stimulation, but may not necessarily be ready for anal fingering. If your partner is interested in anal stimulation with finger penetration, you can slide one well-lubricated finger in slowly, and try to gently move it, seeing what they like and enjoy.
Position
The position depends on you and your partner. The missionary position is a time and tested position, but you and your partner can also do doggy-style. The spooning position is another great position, or even think to try standing and kneeling.
The position you choose should go hand in hand with your level of comfort. If one particular position feels great, then stick to it! At least until it is time to explore further.
Anticipation.
Anticipation can either be your best friend or your worst enemy, but in matters related to fingering, it pays to wait for just a little. You can use either your fingers or your knuckles to circle the area and build anticipation. Next, you should remove the bottoms and tease a little through the fabric of the panties before removing those as well.
Fingers
The number of fingers you use for the purpose of fingering your partner depends on your partner and her only. Each vulva owner has a different preference, and remember that it is better to start slowly before picking up the pace. Always try one finger before adding another and gauge discomfort based on body language.
Set the pace
The general rule of fingering is that you should start off slowly. You should slide your fingers only 1 or 2 inches into the vagina and try to stimulate the G-Spot.
If your partner prefers deeper manipulation, then you should insert your fingers further to better stimulate the A-spot or cervix, performing a ‘come here’ motion with your fingers (palms facing up) to massage the orgasm-inducing area.
If the person being fingered does not like the act, then you should take a moment to pause and converse about how you can make things better, as they will appreciate your trust to communicate.
Body language
Body language and all the nonverbal cues are a big part of fingering. Be on the lookout for your partner’s hands and the rate of their breathing. You should also pay attention to whether or not your partner is shifting their hips towards you. These things can tell you a lot about whether or not your partner is into the sexual act. You should also try to lock eyes, using this as a touchless form of intimate embrace.
Lube
Lube is a godsend for fingering. A good amount of lube will make it much easier for your fingers to navigate her lay parts. Always remember when it comes to lube, slippery is good.
The Clit
The clitoris is the epicenter of pleasure for vulva owners. It is all about the clit. Most, if not all, females need clitoral stimulation to climax.
For maximum fingering pleasure, focus your attention equally on lightly pleasuring the clit through gentle massage as you do pleasuring the G-spot.
Fun
Fingering is meant to be a fun activity for you and your partner. Most people take fingering way too seriously, and this can cause a form of intimidation that does no good for sex.
It is a good idea to take a step back and enjoy it a little, and always remember to relax.
Fingering sex safety and precautions
Fingering is a very low-risk sexual activity, but it does have a few risks. You should always take care when engaging in fingering, and you should always use safe practices.
You should also keep in mind that it is possible to pass sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and other infections through fingering. Here are some tips:
- It is always a good idea to wash your hands. You never know what kind of germs lay there.
- If you and your partner engage in anal fingering; the one doing the fingering should not touch the vaginal canal after, or you can always wear rubber gloves
- The vulva and the anus are amazing creations, but always remember they are highly tender areas and have been created to be treated nicely. Both of them can get easily irritated. Always use lube and lots of it. You should also be mindful of your fingernails. They should be neat and trimmed before going into your partner’s vagina or Anus.
Fingering can seem deceptively simple but it is a complicated exercise. The pleasures you and your partner will feel from the exercise are directly proportional to your level of comfort. Each vulva is different as each person is different.
The preference of one person in matters related to fingering might diverge widely from another person’s preference, and what works for one may simply not work for another.
Once you and your partner are comfortable with breaking down any barriers, you can work together to discover exactly the ways in which one can induce intoxicating pleasure unto the other through this act, regardless of your gender. Because hey, fingering is fun for everyone when the environment is right!
How can someone mess up fingering?
Oftentimes, we are so in the zone of getting to the end goal, the orgasm, that we forget the fun of getting our partner off and enjoying each other’s bodies. While the orgasm is a great goal, it’s not the only goal for fingering or sex as a whole. People tend to start off slow, and quickly jump in too hard and fast. Without slowing down, you can’t savor your partner. You’re simply going through the motions. Your partner may feel rushed and hurried when they want to take it slow as well.
Make sure that you are asking your partner what feels good, and what they want you to do. Communicate and ensure that they’re comfortable and enjoying how you’re fingering them! Don’t take it with criticism if they ask you to change something – not everyone enjoys the same things, and the same person may want you to change what you do all the time, based on their body and their mood.
Now go out there and get ready to show your partner everything you learned. Fingering is back on the maps.
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