Ethical porn? You mean ethics and morals are involved in sex videos? Absolutely. And it’s on the market for it is on the rise. If you’re into porn, or if you and your partner are into watching porn together in a relationship, you may have started wondering about the content you’re watching. Many who have watched sexy content for ages are starting to question the quality of the porn and have begun asking, “What is ethical porn?” Let’s figure this out together and see if the porn you watch passes the vibe check. 

What it’s Definitely Not

If you and your partner are watching porn together, the odds are much of what you’re watching was made for one of you more than the other. And if you’ve found yourself questioning, “Is watching porn in a relationship bad?” odds are that’s because you’ve noticed these discrepancies. It can feel confusing and off-putting when the videos that are supposed to depict the pleasure between two people end up only depicting one person’s joy- and frequently (also, unfortunately), that’s the joy of the man. 

To find out what is ethical porn, we first have to define what it’s clearly not. Check out a recent video of yours and do a spot check for the following: 

• It’s focused on a woman’s body. A majority of camera shots are on the woman and her body, frequently leaving the man’s body out of the shot. Women may have cute outfits, spray tans, makeup, or otherwise beautiful additions, while men’s bodies are primarily focused on their member and little more. Men may be uncomfortable seeing other men and prefer to dissociate from the fact that they’re even watching a man in their porn. Porn created for the male gaze enables the man watching it to project himself into the situation by not needing to compare himself to the man in the porn. You know that feeling you get as a woman knowing that you don’t look like the actress in the porn you’re watching? Yeah, men don’t have to deal with that. They’re allowed to maintain a stronger body image because they’re not confronted with this comparison. Ethical porn isn’t nearly so one-sided in this regard. 
• Man-focused dialogue is the norm. Do you know that cringey dialogue in porn? The one where a man is reduced to a voice instructing or coaching a woman from off the camera? Yeah, those aren’t really written for empowered women. Most women don’t like just being directed in the bedroom. And the real tragedy of not watching ethical porn with your partner is they could get the idea that this is how women like being treated. And while sure, kinky domination can be fun; it also involves consent- something you also don’t see in these ethical porn rejects. 
• Actors aren’t compensated fairly. The internet has allowed a lot of people to have access to a lot of different porn options. And while some of these options are paid, many more are free. And even if an actor begins being paid for their work, when it’s leaked onto a free site, that same actor may not be compensated fairly. Ethical porn honors that sex work is real work, and the actors are compensated fairly for all their views. 
• It may not be actually pleasurable for those involved. Perhaps most importantly, on your ethical porn vibe check, it should be whether or not the actors involved are actually enjoying themselves. If you hear fake moans or confusingly timed pleasure sounds, it’s a great indicator that the actors involved are performing more for the camera and less in touch with their bodies. If we normalize this type of performance, think of the real consequences in our own bedrooms? If you’re watching porn together with your partner, you want them to learn what real female pleasure looks like. Ethical porn can be a learning experience for both of you. 

What Ethical Porn Actually Is

It’s not a mythical thing! It exists right here in the world right now, and there are many companies that are continuing to follow the trend and push more ethical porn out into the world. And while finding these options may mean opening your pocketbooks, it also means that the quality of what you’re watching can actually improve your relationship with sex and with your partner. You’ll be learning, researching, and enjoying the content you watch. So what do you look for?

• Look to pay. The only surefire way to make sure the actors are getting compensated for their work is to pay for the content you watch. While you can’t guarantee the amount you’re getting, at least you can rest assured that you’re not participating in exploiting their talents. Venues like OnlyFans create open access for many creators. When you pay someone on OnlyFans, you know they get money directly. The result? A more fulfilling experience. Believe me; it’s worth investing in your creators because you’ll be able to tell they’re genuinely cared for in their content. 
• It’s diverse. People don’t all look the same, and consequently, neither should our porn. Ethical porn honors the diversity of humanity by providing access to seeing many different body types, sexualities, and gender identities in sexual situations. PinkLabel.TV is a great site that continues to offer content from a variety of actors. It can be empowering to vicariously see yourself in the sexy films you watch and can build tolerance even if you don’t look like the diverse actors. Ethical porn allows for an open definition of the word “sexy” instead of forcing it to all look the same. And if nothing else, it also provides a beautiful variety in the content you watch. 
• It honors women. Ethical porn simply doesn’t rely on the male gaze to decide what’s sexy. Sites like Bellesa are even run by women, so you can be sure that they understand what women like to see too. That means a majority of the content you’ll see there will honor all the bodies involved in the sex act and not just highlight the women. Instead of just focusing on penis-heavy imagery, you get to see more. No more demeaning dialogue or forced pleasure; these sites work to honor actors that actually are experiencing genuine pleasure. 

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, what is and isn’t ethical is highly contested. We all need to make our own moral judgments about the content we watch. Watching porn on your own shouldn’t make you feel gross after you orgasm. If you find yourself reeling after you finish, odds are something you were watching wasn’t ethical. Trust yourself. You know when it does and doesn’t feel good.  

Is watching porn in a relationship bad? Absolutely not. Watching porn together with your partner should be an exciting, inspiring, and alluring experience. And if it isn’t, that’s your sign that it may not actually line up with your values. If you’d be uncomfortable with recreating scenes from the porn you watch in your actual relationship, that’s a great sign that you’re not watching ethical porn. 

Whether alone or with your partner, don’t deprive yourself of the satisfaction of watching sex on film. You can still do so and check all the boxes of your moral compass if you stay in touch with what feels right for you. Ethical porn is on the rise and here to stay.