A Guide: Dom Sub Rules.

Feb 20, 2022

If you’re new to the BDSM scene, coming up with dom sub-rules might be a challenge, but it’s also a lot of fun. In this article, you’ll learn what these rules are, how to develop them, and how to reinforce them with a few examples. 


What Is a Dominant/Submissive Relationship?


In a dominant/submissive relationship, one of the partners is in charge while the other one follows their orders. While it’s normal for one partner to be more dominant than the other in any vanilla relationship, this kind of dynamic requires more power play as the dominant is in charge of punishment and reward. 


How To Develop Rules For Subs?


Dom sub rules are typically a set of tasks a sub is expected to do to reinforce the power dynamic and please their dom. The specific nature of those rules will depend on the type of dynamic you want to have. 


Before you start exploring the dynamic in-depth, you should decide what kind of dominant/submissive relationship suits your needs the most. 


 Types of Doms:


  • Dom – the most standard dom makes sure their sub obeys the rules and disciplines them if they don’t.
  • Master – a master/slave relationship is similar to dominant/submissive except it has an element of ownership; for example, a dominant might act possessive over the sub, and a sub might wear a collar.
  • Caregiver – a daddy is both strict and nurturing and takes pleasure in spoiling his little
  • Sadist – while sadomasochism is a slightly different aspect of BDSM, some people combine these roles. In this case, a sadist is a dom who enjoys inflicting pain.
dom sub rules

 Types of Subs:


  • Sub – a sub follows the rules and aims to please their dom.
  • Slave – in the master/slave dynamic, a slave might follow stricter rules, and the dom might control more aspects of their lives; for example, they might have a say in what the sub eats, does, and wears.
  • Servant – a servant is just like any other sub except they also take care of household tasks.
  • Pet – Indicative of animal play, a pet is a submissive who enjoys pretending to be an animal role. The play might include being pet, fed, and wearing a collar
  • little – a little puts their dom’s needs first, loves to please him and might engage in age play.
  • Brat – a brat won’t submit spontaneously. They like pushing the dominant’s buttons and misbehave before they’re put in their place.
  • Masochist – a sub who enjoys receiving pain.


Once you’ve chosen the roles you want to explore, the next step is deciding whether your relationship will be physical, non-physical, or both. 


Some couples only exercise the dominant/submissive dynamic during sex, while others might choose the opposite. If you want to fully immerse into the BDSM lifestyle, you might want to incorporate the rules in both the bedroom and your everyday life. Make sure to discuss different possibilities with your partner and see which option works best for you.


Another step to developing dom sub-rules is deciding on your boundaries and expectations; this will allow a dominant to come up with appropriate punishments and feedback that will fulfill the submissive’s needs. Additionally, it will ensure that both partner’s mental health is protected.


For example, if your partner is a ‘daddy’ and you’re a ‘little’, you might have to ask him for permission to go out or go to bed, and he has to check in with you to make sure his punishments weren’t too harsh. 


If your partner is a master, you might be expected to clean after him but don’t have to be comfortable with other types of humiliation. To make sure you and your partner are on the same page, it’s best to write all the dos and don’ts down and review them regularly. 


Additionally, make sure you don’t overwhelm yourself with too many submissive rules. It’s more important to ensure that each partner knows their role than to completely transform your lifestyle straight away. You can always start by establishing very simple rules. For example, if your partner is dominant, they can make more decisions for you in daily life, and you can address them with the relevant title before you move on to more complicated rules. 


The last step of developing dom sub-rules is coming up with a safe word that should be used when something feels off; you’ve been pushed past your limits, you feel unsafe, exhausted, or uncomfortable in any way. 


However, due to the nature of some plays, not every submissive might be able to identify they reached their limit and use the safe word, which is why it’s important for a dominant to be attuned to their needs and watch their reaction at all times. 

sex whip

How Can a Dominant Make Sure a Sub Follows the Rules?


The dominant should reward good behavior and punish bad behavior for ensuring the rules are followed. However, it’s important to remember that any kind of reward or punishment won’t do – the reward has to be an incentive enough for a sub to continue the behavior, and the punishment has to be strict enough to stop them from repeating it. 


For example, while spanking sex can be considered a punishment by some, subs who are masochists might see it more as a reward. Similarly, a reward can mean different things to different people depending on preferences. Some subs might prefer to be rewarded with more affection, some with sexual favors. 


Once you’ve written down your dos and don’ts, make sure you agree on types of rewards and punishments that are acceptable and group them into those of higher and lower levels.


Examples of Basic Rules for a Sub 


While dom sub-rules will vary depending on the type of dynamic you choose, every relationship should be respectful and have rules that clearly state that one partner is dominant and the other submissive. Here are the rules that are the foundation of every submissive/dominant relationship:


  1. The submissive will only use the safe word when it’s necessary and appropriate.
  2. The submissive will trust that their dominant has their best interest in mind and won’t disrupt the dynamic.
  3. The submissive will be disciplined by the dominant when necessary and rewarded when appropriate.
  4. The submissive will obey the dominant’s requests.

Ideas For BDSM Rules For Sub


While this list is a mix of different styles, it’s important to choose one approach that appeals to you and stick to it to avoid confusion. Here are a few submissive rules you can draw inspiration from:


  1. The submissive will ask the dominant’s permission to go to bed after bedtime.
  2. The submissive will kneel to greet the dominant.
  3. The submissive will ask permission to orgasm.
  4. The submissive will engage in sexual activity when the dominant desires so unless they aren’t feeling well.
  5. The submissive has to ask the dominant’s approval of their clothing, diet, and plans.
  6. The submissive will be punished if they talk to the opposite gender in their dom’s presence. 
  7. The submissive has to walk on all fours unless instructed otherwise by their dom.
  8. If the submissive misbehaves, they’ll be spanked as a punishment.   


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