It takes two to tango, so if you’re letting that horizontal dance in your bedroom turn into a solo act time and time again, then you’re leading yourself down a path of long-term disappointment.

Maybe you started faking it so gradually that you didn’t even realize what was happening until it was already too late, or maybe you’re afraid of hurting your partner’s feelings—whatever the case, it’s time to take back control of your sex life and start feeling the fulfillment you crave.

Let’s get real: when a woman has an orgasm, there is no strict biological function. What we mean is, a male orgasm has to occur for procreation to take place—a female orgasm does not, so what exactly is the point?

To put it simply, when both partners are able to truly enjoy their most intimate moments, their sex life is far healthier and they have a generally closer relationship.

What Is The Orgasm Gap?

Plenty of studies and surveys have been conducted in an attempt to figure out exactly what proportion of women have orgasms on a regular basis compared to men.

The result? That depends on which study you consult as they vary considerably, but the resounding conclusion that at the very least roughly 20% more men experience orgasms regularly during sexual activity than women.

That disparity has been lovingly dubbed “the orgasm gap,” and it may be the norm right now, but it doesn’t have to stay that way.

If you’re honest with yourself, you can probably pinpoint all of the reasons you’ve faked it. Maybe you’re simply tired and want to speed the process along (even though—let’s face it—you could keep on trucking til kingdom come and that train would never roll into the station). Maybe you’re afraid of sounding bossy. Maybe you genuinely aren’t sure what you need.

The bottom line is: past reasons don’t matter. It’s time to get real and stop faking it.

Having ‘The Talk’ with Your Special Someone

If you’ve been with your partner for a while, it might feel awkward bringing up the fact that you’ve been faking your orgasms this entire time.

When you broach the subject, make sure that you’re ready to be open and honest; approach the topic without judgment or blame. The simple fact is, you may need to explore new methods of sexual communication.

In truth, you can’t tell someone else what you want if you don’t know the answer yourself. Masturbation is a great jumping-off point; it will make it easier for you to verbally and physically communicate what you need, to your partner in the future.

While the initial talk might be tough, you’re likely to find that having an open discussion about sexuality and desire enables you and your partner to incorporate new toys and ideas into your sex life that you wouldn’t have considered before.

It’s time you stop faking it and open up about what you need to reach the finish line—they don’t call it climaxing for nothing, you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world once you get there, so buy a toy now to help you make the climb.