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BDSM Tips for Beginners.

BDSM is often misunderstood by those in the vanilla sex world. BDSM is not meant to be a degrading, painful experience. BDSM is an exploration of power and sensation! This is achieved through a variety of methods, all of which can be very fun and sexy. It’s built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. This and other forms of kink can be a phenomenal way to explore your sexuality.


Often times in main stream culture, you’ll find a stigma attached to BDSM and the people who participate in it. Most of the time, people who enjoy BDSM are labeled as perverts, mentally ill, or lacking of moral code. BDSM is by definition an exploration of yourself that accepts all genders, sexualities, bodies, relationships, lifestyles, and ages. Sexual domination is a large factor, but not the only thing it’s about.The roots of BDSM are talked about throughout history, first showing up in ancient Greek art and the Karma Sutra’s inclusion of spanking. European references from the 15th century evolved into many brothels and parlors offering restraints and other punishments in the 18th century. In America, over 5 million people play with BDSM, while many more claim to be turned on by imagery, pornography, and novels of the same nature. There’s a reason that “how to be dominant during sex” is such a largely researched topic. Movies like 50 Shades of Gray and 365 Days are guilty pleasures to watch.BDSM is a term for other kinks. They can be broken down into several categories: Dominance and Submission – Where a dominant person has control over a submissive, a person who follows these orders. Sado Masochism – The consensual giving or receiving pleasure from acts involving the receipt or infliction of pain or humiliation such as spanking or nipple clamps.Bondage and Discipline – Refers to the physical restraint over another person, and disciplining the submissive when they don’t do as told. A lot of these terms can overlap during play, involving some or all of the activities. 
If you’re new to sexual domination and interesting in exploring, think about what areas turn you on. Are you interested in a more dominant role or does being submissive turn you on? Or maybe you like to sound of both (called a switch). Remember, being dominant or submissive is an expression of your sexuality and doesn’t have to reflect the way you are in other areas of your life. In fact, a lot of people like to explore opposite roles of what they experience in their everyday lives. 

Categories of Play

There are many types of play out there to explore and experimentation is key when exploring BDSM as a novice. Here we’ve provided basic explanations of these activities, however, if you find some area you like, do your research! There are endless resources online. 
Restraint / Bondage – Restricting a person’s physical movements in the form of tying, handcuffs, or even simply orders not to move. Blindfolds are also incorporated for some. 

Pain / Sensation Play – These are activities that involve inflicting sensations or pain. Kinks to explore in this category would be – tickling, biting, spanking, flogging, whipping, paddling, clamping, temperature play, and bondage whips. 

Mental Play – The collection of activities intended to create a psychological impact. Further kinks to explore in this category would be-  humiliation, name calling, shaming, slave acting. 

So you think you’re ready to play?

Communication is key

You can have sex without any conversation. However, any BDSM play requires in-depth conversations that are intimate, and clear. This is where respect comes into play — being able to divulge your desire and have it be met with respect. Engaging in BDSM play with another person is going to require clear communication, asking questions, explaining desires in detail, and being open and accepting enough to not get embarrassed by what you want. Be clear with what you need to communicate about your desires and boundaries. A good way to do this is to write down your requests and hard limits.

Negotiate

Negotiations are where each partner’s roles are established and boundaries and limits are set. Overall, the submissive role is always the one in charge. They set the limits in which a dominant can play in and have ultimate say over ending a scene. Remember that not all BDSM play involves sex.

Safety

Two terms used often in the BDSM community is RACK – Risk Aware Consensual Kink and SSC – Sane, Safe, and Consensual. All activity in BDSM must be consensual at all times and stick to the boundaries established in the negotiation. It is ok to stop playing if you are unsure or need to communicate with your partner. Safety words are an important element to stop a scene immediately. Though there can be a lot of debate over what a safe word could be, the most important thing is that it works for you. Ensure it is something that wouldn’t be naturally said during your scene. Avoid “stop” or “no” and pick something random like “puppy” or “orange”. When using physical impact, stick to fleshy area of the body like butts and thighs. Never hit someone’s on the chest, neck, head, or stomach. When using bondage, never restrict anyone’s airways or cut off circulation by restraining too tightly. 

Aftercare

As important as any other aspect of BDSM, aftercare is the immediate processing of any newly finished scene. The purpose is to discuss what worked and what didn’t. This vital conversation protects everyone’s emotional, physical, and mental wellbeing. Aftercare typically goes further than discussion to include cuddling, hydrating, taking a soothing bath, meditating, and sleeping together. 
Remember, BDSM doesn’t have to be a stigma. If you’re interested in playing, take a chance and experiment!